I need help, but now too scared to ask
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Hi all,
I honestly don't know what's wrong with me now but every day I just feel worse with my mental health and it's showing no signs of getting any better but thanks to SS I'm terrified of asking for help even from my GP.
At the start I was always pretty open and honest about how I felt and what I was going through as I was always taught it's better to let it out and be honest with yourself than keeping it all bottled in- biggest mistake ever. I learnt very quickly that SS (or my SW in general, everyone's different I suppose) cannot be trusted with that kind of information. Looking back I felt eased into a place of safety, that they could be my friend and genuinely wanted to help & support me through this time, couldn't be any futher from the truth. All nice to my face but in the reports I'm ripped apart and my skills as a parent are judged.
I just feel like I'm under constant survailance, that every little thing I do is scruitnised and judged, even if it's to help myself. For example I made a doctor's appointment for my child as I had concerns about their health and in the next core meeting I get a "So I see you went to the doctor, why?". Honestly just wanted to scream at that point.
This group has been a massive help to me but as things just aren't making any progress, I feel robbed of a time when I should have been happy and live in constant doubt about my future my mental health is declining. But all I can say to them is "I'm fine" because I'm scared to say anything else.
I've been trying to look into things like therapy or counciling but with someone that would have an understanding on what I'm going through rather than just getting the "I understand you're going through a hard time" when in reality they have no idea. I've even thought about the samaritans (yes it's getting that bad unfortunatly- please don't worry I have no intentions but there are days where I'd just wish I never woke up or something. I have a child to look out for so no I wouldn't do anything drastic, but I just feel so low at times).
I guess I just need some advice or pointed in the right direction, even as I'm writing this a part of me is thinking, go to my GP for help and if the SW says anything, stand my ground and say its none of their business, but at the same time I don't know how negatively it'll affect me or they see me as uncoperative.
thanks all who listen and sending virtual hugs to anyone else that has felt like this xx
I honestly don't know what's wrong with me now but every day I just feel worse with my mental health and it's showing no signs of getting any better but thanks to SS I'm terrified of asking for help even from my GP.
At the start I was always pretty open and honest about how I felt and what I was going through as I was always taught it's better to let it out and be honest with yourself than keeping it all bottled in- biggest mistake ever. I learnt very quickly that SS (or my SW in general, everyone's different I suppose) cannot be trusted with that kind of information. Looking back I felt eased into a place of safety, that they could be my friend and genuinely wanted to help & support me through this time, couldn't be any futher from the truth. All nice to my face but in the reports I'm ripped apart and my skills as a parent are judged.
I just feel like I'm under constant survailance, that every little thing I do is scruitnised and judged, even if it's to help myself. For example I made a doctor's appointment for my child as I had concerns about their health and in the next core meeting I get a "So I see you went to the doctor, why?". Honestly just wanted to scream at that point.
This group has been a massive help to me but as things just aren't making any progress, I feel robbed of a time when I should have been happy and live in constant doubt about my future my mental health is declining. But all I can say to them is "I'm fine" because I'm scared to say anything else.
I've been trying to look into things like therapy or counciling but with someone that would have an understanding on what I'm going through rather than just getting the "I understand you're going through a hard time" when in reality they have no idea. I've even thought about the samaritans (yes it's getting that bad unfortunatly- please don't worry I have no intentions but there are days where I'd just wish I never woke up or something. I have a child to look out for so no I wouldn't do anything drastic, but I just feel so low at times).
I guess I just need some advice or pointed in the right direction, even as I'm writing this a part of me is thinking, go to my GP for help and if the SW says anything, stand my ground and say its none of their business, but at the same time I don't know how negatively it'll affect me or they see me as uncoperative.
thanks all who listen and sending virtual hugs to anyone else that has felt like this xx
Trying,
I'm sorry you're feeling so low and hopeless. Also that you have no trust in your social worker and feel tricked into being self-disclosing which is now being used against you. It's a nightmare of a place to be trapped in. You might not feel up to doing it but you can make a formal complaint about a SW's treatment and if you search on here a few ladies have mentioned how to do this properly. You can also request that you have a different SW I think.
As for your GP (who I would encourage you to visit), he/she is bound by patient confidentiality unless there is very specific reasons to break that confidentiality, so you musn't worry about the SW finding out and you are free to not tell anyone anything you don't want to share. So if for example, you were prescribed anything like an anti-depressant nobody needs to know unless you choose to tell them willingly. Lots of people on here are on meds as they felt like you do and they say that it's been hugely helpful. I'm not sure exactly how the SW found out about your child's appointment but at a core meeting they do seem to have updates about the child on the Plan (we go to our grandsons' core meetings) but there's no reason to know about you unless you give your consent.
As for the Samaritans, nowadays I think they have widened their service so you don't need to be suicidal to phone them. My friend is a volunteer and says that often she talks to people who just need an anonymous listening ear.
I know there are helplines used by people on this forum so I'm sure someone will give you some other suggestions, but meanwhile I want you to know how we all feel your pain and frustration with your situation and especially the attacks on your role as a mum as that is such an insult when you are a good mum and a victim in all this too. You deserve empathy and support, which is something we can offer on here!
xxxx
I'm sorry you're feeling so low and hopeless. Also that you have no trust in your social worker and feel tricked into being self-disclosing which is now being used against you. It's a nightmare of a place to be trapped in. You might not feel up to doing it but you can make a formal complaint about a SW's treatment and if you search on here a few ladies have mentioned how to do this properly. You can also request that you have a different SW I think.
As for your GP (who I would encourage you to visit), he/she is bound by patient confidentiality unless there is very specific reasons to break that confidentiality, so you musn't worry about the SW finding out and you are free to not tell anyone anything you don't want to share. So if for example, you were prescribed anything like an anti-depressant nobody needs to know unless you choose to tell them willingly. Lots of people on here are on meds as they felt like you do and they say that it's been hugely helpful. I'm not sure exactly how the SW found out about your child's appointment but at a core meeting they do seem to have updates about the child on the Plan (we go to our grandsons' core meetings) but there's no reason to know about you unless you give your consent.
As for the Samaritans, nowadays I think they have widened their service so you don't need to be suicidal to phone them. My friend is a volunteer and says that often she talks to people who just need an anonymous listening ear.
I know there are helplines used by people on this forum so I'm sure someone will give you some other suggestions, but meanwhile I want you to know how we all feel your pain and frustration with your situation and especially the attacks on your role as a mum as that is such an insult when you are a good mum and a victim in all this too. You deserve empathy and support, which is something we can offer on here!
xxxx
I'm fairly certain (depending on what plan you're on) that a GP doesn't have to tell SS.
I am CiN and my GP hasn't been in touch with them to my knowledge.
How you're feeling is pretty normal for people in our situation.
I would go to your GP. If you have the money, try StopSo for a therapist specialising in this area. If not, I think circles offer free support to people in our position.
Also, the LFF helpline was great when I was at my worst.
Big hugs to you
x
I am CiN and my GP hasn't been in touch with them to my knowledge.
How you're feeling is pretty normal for people in our situation.
I would go to your GP. If you have the money, try StopSo for a therapist specialising in this area. If not, I think circles offer free support to people in our position.
Also, the LFF helpline was great when I was at my worst.
Big hugs to you
x
@Tryingtokeephope
Unfortunately you're right, there's two groups of people you can't trust in this whole ordeal, and that is social services and the police.
They will use everything you say against you and treat you like the perpetrator.
With parents with small children, this also applies to the health visitor.
Please reach out to the helpline, even if you're not suicidal. They will listen to you.
You're not alone xx
Unfortunately you're right, there's two groups of people you can't trust in this whole ordeal, and that is social services and the police.
They will use everything you say against you and treat you like the perpetrator.
With parents with small children, this also applies to the health visitor.
Please reach out to the helpline, even if you're not suicidal. They will listen to you.
You're not alone xx
I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way, I completely understand why you have so much anxiety around social workers.
It's a vicious circle, you haven't done anything wrong and your children have always been safe with you. Now you are the protective parent yet they still seem to make you feel like you are not. Your mental health is low and then you read the reports about yourself that make you out to be someone you are not. And you mental health is low in the first place because of this absolute mess you have found yourself in that you did not cause. From what I have read on here, social workers use scare tactics frequently, you have to remember what is the truth in your situation,. You took your child to the doctor because you as their mother felt they needed to be seen by a doctor, nothing more than that. You may feel like they are analysing you and maybe sometimes they are but if they have 0 evidence that you are anything other than a loving caring mother that puts her children's safety and care first then there reports don't really mean everything at the end of the day. There are children in worse situations that they need to deal with.
You feeling low is absolutely valid, I've had low days myself, it's just unfortunate that nobody is there to support us or pick us up other than ourselves. At least we have the ladies on this forum that are going through the same things just now, always reach out if you need to. As for you going to the GP for yourself, you don't have to tell them everything that's going on, when I finally went and told them my situation, I knew I wasn't depressed but my anxiety was so bad that it seemed like I because I was so emotional. A lot of mothers go and ask for help for many reasons and if you feel you need it then I would say ask for it. You will start to feel better and yes, do stand up for yourself because you are an amazing mum!!
It's a vicious circle, you haven't done anything wrong and your children have always been safe with you. Now you are the protective parent yet they still seem to make you feel like you are not. Your mental health is low and then you read the reports about yourself that make you out to be someone you are not. And you mental health is low in the first place because of this absolute mess you have found yourself in that you did not cause. From what I have read on here, social workers use scare tactics frequently, you have to remember what is the truth in your situation,. You took your child to the doctor because you as their mother felt they needed to be seen by a doctor, nothing more than that. You may feel like they are analysing you and maybe sometimes they are but if they have 0 evidence that you are anything other than a loving caring mother that puts her children's safety and care first then there reports don't really mean everything at the end of the day. There are children in worse situations that they need to deal with.
You feeling low is absolutely valid, I've had low days myself, it's just unfortunate that nobody is there to support us or pick us up other than ourselves. At least we have the ladies on this forum that are going through the same things just now, always reach out if you need to. As for you going to the GP for yourself, you don't have to tell them everything that's going on, when I finally went and told them my situation, I knew I wasn't depressed but my anxiety was so bad that it seemed like I because I was so emotional. A lot of mothers go and ask for help for many reasons and if you feel you need it then I would say ask for it. You will start to feel better and yes, do stand up for yourself because you are an amazing mum!!
I'm sorry you're feeling like that about your SW. Thats really difficult for you.
As a social worker I can confirm we would have no way of knowing about your personal medical appointments or any medication you are on unless you gave consent for us to check/share information.
You can ask for copies of your consent documents to check this and you can rescind any consents you have previously given. For safeguarding purposes, information about your child will be shared in meetings. However at Child in Need level you can decline consent even for this. This is more difficult at Child Protection Level.
The only time your medical information would be shared without your consent is if requested by a court
As a social worker I can confirm we would have no way of knowing about your personal medical appointments or any medication you are on unless you gave consent for us to check/share information.
You can ask for copies of your consent documents to check this and you can rescind any consents you have previously given. For safeguarding purposes, information about your child will be shared in meetings. However at Child in Need level you can decline consent even for this. This is more difficult at Child Protection Level.
The only time your medical information would be shared without your consent is if requested by a court
Hi tryingtokeephope,
near enough the exact same boat, please message me privately and I will gladly talk to you and support you through the hell that social services feel that they have a right to do.
we as families are traumatised by this and are just trying to make it through the day and social services take full advantage of this.
I know there are a few social workers on here and I know that you do try to help us that have to deal with social services but what I've noticed is if you are a social worker you don't get put through what we are put through. They treat us like dirt and it's unacceptable
near enough the exact same boat, please message me privately and I will gladly talk to you and support you through the hell that social services feel that they have a right to do.
we as families are traumatised by this and are just trying to make it through the day and social services take full advantage of this.
I know there are a few social workers on here and I know that you do try to help us that have to deal with social services but what I've noticed is if you are a social worker you don't get put through what we are put through. They treat us like dirt and it's unacceptable
Hi TryingtoKeepHope
I've been in the same boat as you. I've felt like I'm on the edge of a mental breakdown several times since my husband's arrest 9 months ago. My baby was 5 weeks at the time of arrest and is now 10 months old. Having your life come crashing down all in an instant is extremely traumatising and this situation pushes you to the limit of what you can cope with.
The first social worker we were assigned found out about my mental health issues from the health visitor and used my mental health again me. I purposely hadn't disclosed my issues to her for that reason. I was so upset. She decided I wasn't capable of being the protective parent she initially thought I could be. She wanted to put my baby on a CIN plan! Next thing a CPP was mentioned. I was so angry. How on earth do they think we are all going to just "keep it together" when a grenade has been thrown at our lives and we are going through a living hell and one of the worst, most traumatic experiences a person can ever go through.
I hate dealing with social workers. I kept feeling like I wanted to die and eventually was honest with my psychiatrist and got the meds I needed. I have also been signed off work. I was terrified to tell my doctor and psychiatrist how I really felt. But for the sake of my child, I had to. I needed to be more stable in order to take care of him to the best of my ability. They didn't tell social services thank God. I don't think they have a right to, as seeking help is always the best thing to do. I think it shows you're taking steps to be healthy and stable. That shows you are a good parent in my opinion.
I think you can withdraw consent for doctors to share your info with SS. Please get all the help you need. You deserve to feel better than you do, to feel like you can cope. When I got the help I needed, I stabilised and started coping again.
I've been in the same boat as you. I've felt like I'm on the edge of a mental breakdown several times since my husband's arrest 9 months ago. My baby was 5 weeks at the time of arrest and is now 10 months old. Having your life come crashing down all in an instant is extremely traumatising and this situation pushes you to the limit of what you can cope with.
The first social worker we were assigned found out about my mental health issues from the health visitor and used my mental health again me. I purposely hadn't disclosed my issues to her for that reason. I was so upset. She decided I wasn't capable of being the protective parent she initially thought I could be. She wanted to put my baby on a CIN plan! Next thing a CPP was mentioned. I was so angry. How on earth do they think we are all going to just "keep it together" when a grenade has been thrown at our lives and we are going through a living hell and one of the worst, most traumatic experiences a person can ever go through.
I hate dealing with social workers. I kept feeling like I wanted to die and eventually was honest with my psychiatrist and got the meds I needed. I have also been signed off work. I was terrified to tell my doctor and psychiatrist how I really felt. But for the sake of my child, I had to. I needed to be more stable in order to take care of him to the best of my ability. They didn't tell social services thank God. I don't think they have a right to, as seeking help is always the best thing to do. I think it shows you're taking steps to be healthy and stable. That shows you are a good parent in my opinion.
I think you can withdraw consent for doctors to share your info with SS. Please get all the help you need. You deserve to feel better than you do, to feel like you can cope. When I got the help I needed, I stabilised and started coping again.
Thank you all for your replies and kind messages,
I think I will go ahead and ask my GP for help, even if its to be pointed in the right direction and forget what the SW thinks of it.
It doesn't help that I've had a few different SWs come and go throughout this whole ordeal and luckily for my current SW they don't look interested in trying to build any relationship and I'm certainly not so the distance right now is kind of working. Like I said, I learnt very quickly not to trust them.
It's a shame especially as there are a few SWs on here and it is a profession I believe that most go into with good intentions of wanting to help people but I don't know what happens to some individuals along the way. The way I felt as if I was tricked and then treated afterwards was nothing short of digusting, and because I was afraid because I'd never been in such a situation I just agreed to everything with them most likely giving my concent to my medical records and such which have been typed up for all those to see which I was extremely upset and embarrassed about.
My child is unfortunally on a CPP as well, no matter how much of a fight I've tried to put up against it even to have it reduced to CIN, no professional is budging. My OH doesn't even live with me and my child due to bail conditions, that and my current SW never sounds happy to hear when my OH visits to have supervised contact with his child. Like none of them will be happy until we are completely separated and even then I imagine my child would still be on a plan.
Like I said thank you all, my mental health definately has its ups and downs, today admittedly felt like a better day but I guess that happens to all of us that are going through this mess xx
I think I will go ahead and ask my GP for help, even if its to be pointed in the right direction and forget what the SW thinks of it.
It doesn't help that I've had a few different SWs come and go throughout this whole ordeal and luckily for my current SW they don't look interested in trying to build any relationship and I'm certainly not so the distance right now is kind of working. Like I said, I learnt very quickly not to trust them.
It's a shame especially as there are a few SWs on here and it is a profession I believe that most go into with good intentions of wanting to help people but I don't know what happens to some individuals along the way. The way I felt as if I was tricked and then treated afterwards was nothing short of digusting, and because I was afraid because I'd never been in such a situation I just agreed to everything with them most likely giving my concent to my medical records and such which have been typed up for all those to see which I was extremely upset and embarrassed about.
My child is unfortunally on a CPP as well, no matter how much of a fight I've tried to put up against it even to have it reduced to CIN, no professional is budging. My OH doesn't even live with me and my child due to bail conditions, that and my current SW never sounds happy to hear when my OH visits to have supervised contact with his child. Like none of them will be happy until we are completely separated and even then I imagine my child would still be on a plan.
Like I said thank you all, my mental health definately has its ups and downs, today admittedly felt like a better day but I guess that happens to all of us that are going through this mess xx