Family and Friends Forum

Hi WorriedMum

i completely understand your frustration for your son.

I have recently been to Citizens Advice regarding my children’s surnames, but courts are very reluctant to change their names without good reason. Meaning a charge at least has to have been made.

However, they did inform me that I could apply to make their Dad anonymous...I would suggest speaking with CA on this for more information.

Mad much as I want to protect my children, I do not wish to protect a perpetrator.

Keep your head up x

Hi worried mum

Firstly I am so sorry to hear you are going thro this a 2nd time, that must be heartbreaking for you and your family.

I am in a very similar position to you as my son has a very unusual surname as his dad is not English, luckily we are not married so my surname is different.

My partner was arrested a year ago by a vigilante group and is released under investigation. Ss has closed our case as I am deemed a protective parent.

I have researched this to the death as I feel this getting out would be catastrophic for us, I asked our solicitor and he said there is nothing you can do just hope it isn’t reported! This seems so wrong to me, we really want to protect our son.

I too would be so interested to know if anyone has managed to keep their case anonymously? I have to admit I haven’t heard of what you say before, but if it can be done then that would be brilliant!

Please can you let me know if you do find anything else out about this please!

sending you very best wishes

Mabel x x

Yes please let me know if you find anything out and I will too!

mabel x x

Yes please let me know if you find anything out and I will too!

mabel x x

Hello Worried Mum,

my husband is in the process of being charged for a second offence too, and I am also very worried about the media and the impact on our children's lives. My husband's solicitor has made a request to the jugdge to keep him anonymous because of the unusual name. I don't know if the judge will accept it, but that's our only hope!

I've spoken to a solicitor today on my husbands behalf and he suggested my husband could change his name. It's apparently an easy procedure, his new chosen name would be the one read out in court and therefore reported and he could change it back after as long as he informs the police. Had anyone heard of this??

Hi

here in Scotland both names are reported. It will say something like mike jones also known as mike Martin. Not sure about anywhere else though.

I was told by a woman at a different charity that you can ask the CPS not to read out the former name, just the new name, but she said it really depends on the CPS person on the day as to whether or not they will read out the former name, there is nothing stopping them doing that.

Hope that makes sense.

you can change your name easily by deed poll and then change it back, I don’t think their is anything stopping you doing that.

we are going to change my sons surname to my surname, we don’t want the association with my partner surname in the future.

mabel x x x

I have noticed that where people have changed their names, both are reported in the press. I've seen that quite a few times now that I am watching out for articles. The press and any fallout is the hardest part for me. I keep thinking about people and wondering what they will think. It's mad really.

I'm in the process of changing my name, my two grown up kids have a different surname to my husband and I as I had them with my first husband. What I am trying to get my head around is if my husband changes his and when it's best for him to do it. It's causing me terrible anxiety the thought that he could change his name and then they report previous and new name. Is there nothing we can do to avoid this?

I know when the time comes I am going to be so anxious I probably won't leave the house. I intend to get rid of my Facebook account nearer the time as well. I couldn't stand seeing anything on there. The comments etc. :(

Hi Dottie

Yes I know what you mean about not going out of the hous if it is reported I think I will be the same!

I plan to close my FB account as well. My partner doesn’t have one and has already closed everything he had, LinkedIn etc.

with regard to the name change we decided to do it before any charges, it was a bit of a palava as my partner had to do it in Germany as he is not a British national.

So if/ when he is charged by the police it will be in his new name. When in court the cps reads out his name we will ask them to not read out his former name, this is not a guarantee and the solicitor said we can only ask, we thought it is worth the ask, if they report the former name as well it will be a disaster as he has a very distinctive German name. We just have have to hope it will all be in his new name.

He has also got rid af all photos on any social media sites.

I know it’s not much help but we feel if it is all in his new name and god forbid it is reported no one will know him.

Sending you hugs Dottie, it is just a huge minefield!

Mabel x x

Oh Mabel, it plays on my mind so much. Even if I change my name and he changes his, there seems to be so many connections on the internet that could link you. Maybe I am just being paranoid, I don't know. It's all so stressful to organise when you don't feel upto the battle.

I'm still trying to stick by my husband but sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn't and went my own way. How stupid can these men be, all in the name of sex. Makes me so angry sometimes, then other times I feel sorry for him. His porn addiction and the journey he will now have to take.

I could go on and on but what's the point, everyone on here is going through the same nightmare and all we can do is plod on and be there for each other.

I also wish I could read this back before pressing post as it probably doesn't make sense. Xx

Hi

My husband was imprisoned in March this year and although our surname is common it's not sort that way! Anyway, we/he was lucky not to go in the papers. He came off all social media including LinkedIn and I've just googled him to death and can't find anything about him!

I've deleted all photos of him from my social media accounts and changed my name on there so I'm now known by my first and middle name!

I don't know but I would have thought even if they changed their names it would say Joe bloggs formerly known as - but don't take that as gospel. Perhaps the helpline would know more about it.



Xx

Hi. My middle son had just been sentenced. The following day we found out it was reported in the local papers. It's now all over the local news FB page. We weren't warned that this could happen. My boys have a very unusual surname to the fact they are the only ones in the area with it. I am so fearful of fallout. We live in a small town where there are some very nasty people who like to bully those of us who just want to get on with our lives.

I know the press want the public to know when they have peadophiles being released I their area, but why can they not be kept quiet when someone is sentenced for the sake of the family.

It's bad enough having had to keep all this quiet from family and not having them for support since the arrest in January. I have thought it may be a good idea for my boys to change their surname especially as I am not positive that when my son is eventually released from prison that he won't reoffend.

I think families should be informed about the media more in these circumstances. I don't know about anyone else, but once the police had checked my property for my son's belongings I never heard anymore from them about anything.

Hi I’m new to all this my son was convicted last week ! I can’t get my head around it !

i honestly didn’t expect to hear what I heard in court ! I really want to hide away but my partner is making me go in public ! I can’t sleep it’s always in my head and I don’t know what to do

thanks for reading I am just waffling because I can’t find my words x

Hi Janno

What do you mean, going public? In what way and is that what your want?

I went to court for when my husband was sentenced and found it so hard hearing what he's been viewing.

Please make sure your look after yourself and be kind to yourself, maybe go and see your GP just to put yourself on their horizon in case you need them at a later date.

Don't be forced into anything you're not happy with, go at your speed.

Sorry lots of advice, take from it what your want

Take care xx

Hi Tracey,

i just wanna hide I’m sure that will pass ! It’s only been a week, my other kids have disowned him so family is broken ! It’s deffo the hardest thing I’ve ever lived thru ! Xxx

Oh Janno

It's really rubbish and so fresh for you. Do you know, if you want to go to bed do it, what's the worst that can happen?

You need to look after yourself so you're strong enough to get through the next but

Take care xx