Hitchhiker
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I laid awake last night. Thinking about the last 4 years of my life. From the knock to now, finally due in court on 5th October.
I've realised that the knock and what happens afterwards is like a cruel hitchhiker that never leaves, he has been constantly following me around, whispering nasty thoughts in my ear, especially in happy moments, tainting my past, present and future memories and hopes. The hitchhiker is heavy and slow, he drags me back 2 steps every time I take 1 step forward. He pretends he's hiding but he knows he is crap at hiding, like constantly having one foot poking out of the cupboard door just to make sure I don't forget about him. Sometimes he just stands in the room staring at me, eyes burning into me whilst I put on a show and pretend my world is normal. He hangs around whilst I sleep, ready to shake me out of happy dreams and tell me he heard someone knocking at the door and then laughs as I lay still and quiet hoping for silence or I jump out of bed hardly able to breath as I move the curtain as slow as possible hoping to see an empty doorstep.
Maybe it has been the anxiety of the unknown with the police taking years and the court date coming up, maybe he'll leave after the court date or maybe he'll just shake things up a little and change a few things, slip some more cruel games in the mix.
Does anyone else have a constant background of worry and overthinking to contend with or a the feeling doom.
Good I'm tired of it all.
I've realised that the knock and what happens afterwards is like a cruel hitchhiker that never leaves, he has been constantly following me around, whispering nasty thoughts in my ear, especially in happy moments, tainting my past, present and future memories and hopes. The hitchhiker is heavy and slow, he drags me back 2 steps every time I take 1 step forward. He pretends he's hiding but he knows he is crap at hiding, like constantly having one foot poking out of the cupboard door just to make sure I don't forget about him. Sometimes he just stands in the room staring at me, eyes burning into me whilst I put on a show and pretend my world is normal. He hangs around whilst I sleep, ready to shake me out of happy dreams and tell me he heard someone knocking at the door and then laughs as I lay still and quiet hoping for silence or I jump out of bed hardly able to breath as I move the curtain as slow as possible hoping to see an empty doorstep.
Maybe it has been the anxiety of the unknown with the police taking years and the court date coming up, maybe he'll leave after the court date or maybe he'll just shake things up a little and change a few things, slip some more cruel games in the mix.
Does anyone else have a constant background of worry and overthinking to contend with or a the feeling doom.
Good I'm tired of it all.
Your post sums up exactly how I feel and I really identify with your analogy of the hitchhiker. My mind never stops chattering, it never rests and is unable to switch off. It's exhausting. Hugs and support from one overthinker to another x
You've described me exactly. I have a constant fear that something else bad is going to happen xx
Yes this describes me perfectly although I visualise it as a giant crow ( I don't like birds)that sits in the corner of the room and pecks constantly.
Always at the back of my mind is the fear that something else is going to happen
Always at the back of my mind is the fear that something else is going to happen