The world's closing in
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Hi everyone,
Hope you are all doing well.
Sentencing is 2 weeks away and I am so scared of whats to happen. My partner had a pre sentencing report on the 27th and the probation officer was impressed with his progress and said that there isn't many people this far along in terms of acknowledgement and remorse and willing to do anything to understand why they done it and to stop it from happening again. She also said that she believes custodial would not be beneficial for my partner or his mental health or mine but she can guarantee this won't happen. I am aware that the judge can choose to ignore the report as well.
I don't want my partner to worry but I know if he goes to prison I will really struggle to afford to live. With just my rent, electric, water, council tax and WiFi it will leave me with just 200 pound left for food and any other bills. I've researched into benefits and I earn too much but I earn less than my last job so that doesn't make sense. I'm so worried I don't know what to do.
We've relocated as well about 2 months ago and so far I don't know anyone but the people I work with I feel so isolated already and if he goes it will be so much worse and I won't be able to afford to go out to even meet people. I wasn't ready to move but his dad pressured us and I wasn't ready to move so soon it left us financially sort as well. But his dad didn't think about that but then when we said we are struggling for money he started saying about people our age have mortgages and have their lives together. I was so angry and upset.
I don't know what to do I'm falling in a hole and I'm worried about my mental state more than ever
Hope you are all doing well.
Sentencing is 2 weeks away and I am so scared of whats to happen. My partner had a pre sentencing report on the 27th and the probation officer was impressed with his progress and said that there isn't many people this far along in terms of acknowledgement and remorse and willing to do anything to understand why they done it and to stop it from happening again. She also said that she believes custodial would not be beneficial for my partner or his mental health or mine but she can guarantee this won't happen. I am aware that the judge can choose to ignore the report as well.
I don't want my partner to worry but I know if he goes to prison I will really struggle to afford to live. With just my rent, electric, water, council tax and WiFi it will leave me with just 200 pound left for food and any other bills. I've researched into benefits and I earn too much but I earn less than my last job so that doesn't make sense. I'm so worried I don't know what to do.
We've relocated as well about 2 months ago and so far I don't know anyone but the people I work with I feel so isolated already and if he goes it will be so much worse and I won't be able to afford to go out to even meet people. I wasn't ready to move but his dad pressured us and I wasn't ready to move so soon it left us financially sort as well. But his dad didn't think about that but then when we said we are struggling for money he started saying about people our age have mortgages and have their lives together. I was so angry and upset.
I don't know what to do I'm falling in a hole and I'm worried about my mental state more than ever
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I'm sorry that his dad upset you. The financial side of all this is such a worry.
I have no advice except to try to take each day as it comes. It's such an anxious and worrying time for you.
It may also be worth contacting unlock or citizens advice to see if they can help more with financial guidance??
take care
xx
I have no advice except to try to take each day as it comes. It's such an anxious and worrying time for you.
It may also be worth contacting unlock or citizens advice to see if they can help more with financial guidance??
take care
xx
As K4 says citizen advice are good. A couple of things, if your married then you can claim some of his tax allowance. I am not sure how to do this, but in the throes of sorting it out myself. If, and its a big if, your OH does go to prison you would be claim a discount from the council tax.
A good way to make friends and meet people is walking groups. There is the Ramblers you can join, or go on facebook and look up local walking groups. Most are free so won't cost you anything to meet people. Just a thought. I hope you look after yourself through all of this. X
A good way to make friends and meet people is walking groups. There is the Ramblers you can join, or go on facebook and look up local walking groups. Most are free so won't cost you anything to meet people. Just a thought. I hope you look after yourself through all of this. X
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Thank you all for you're replies I will look into the walking groups, my oh has really come a long way in rehabilitation and I'm glad the probation officer on his pre sentencing has seen this as well. I'm thinking the worst at the moment because if I think he's coming home I know it will really hurt me more than if I didn't prepare myself for it.
I have a mixture of fear and relief that this main part is coming to an end after 3 and a half years I can finally start planning and really focusing on things we've always wanted to do.
I don't wish this situation on anyone but I have developed so much more understand of how things like this occur and that it is possible a person can change after a crime like this. As all I've heard through my experience is he's born like this he will always be interested in this type of thing but I've never believed them as I've always believed it's a bad decision and everyone can make bad decisions it's just how you overcome and deal with those choices.
Sending love to you all
I have a mixture of fear and relief that this main part is coming to an end after 3 and a half years I can finally start planning and really focusing on things we've always wanted to do.
I don't wish this situation on anyone but I have developed so much more understand of how things like this occur and that it is possible a person can change after a crime like this. As all I've heard through my experience is he's born like this he will always be interested in this type of thing but I've never believed them as I've always believed it's a bad decision and everyone can make bad decisions it's just how you overcome and deal with those choices.
Sending love to you all
Hi, I can completely empathise with your feelings leading up to sentencing and absolutely understand the self preservation mode of 'preparing for the worst'. In my experience it's also wise to prepare for sentencing delays. We hadn't considered this happening on multiple occasions prior to the actual sentence being served, this is an added emotional challenge for all involved. I didn't attend sentencing and despite preparing for the worst we held on to defence and prosecution citing non custodial recommendations. Our time finally arrived with a completely different judge who came down like a sledgehammer; our worst case senario became reality BUT...
You do cope and you do get through. My world changed at sentencing in January and I thought it had ended. It didn't end, it changed direction and became a new temporary normal. That temporary normal will end & a new normal will begin. Life will never be the same but that doesn't mean it will never be good again. There's lots of support here should your worst case happen. You'll be ok x
https://www.entitledto.co.uk/
You do cope and you do get through. My world changed at sentencing in January and I thought it had ended. It didn't end, it changed direction and became a new temporary normal. That temporary normal will end & a new normal will begin. Life will never be the same but that doesn't mean it will never be good again. There's lots of support here should your worst case happen. You'll be ok x
https://www.entitledto.co.uk/
I wanted to add whenever we find ourselves in that dark hole there's always someone to throw down a ladder and hold a torch to help us out x
I remember all those feelings well except the bills as mynierson my bed out right away and hasn't been back so I just worked harder to be independent the way I was before I even met him . I've always been like that , but if you need advice in benefits etc I'd encourage you to go to local citizens advice office . They helped me a lot and I didn't need to o tell them anything.x
Lish97
I really feel for you. It's a really tough position. I don't have much practical advice to offer and the others have given some good avenues to explore. I just wanted to express my empathy. I'm in a similar position although much earlier on in the journey. I'm trying to see if I can salvage the house. I'm desperate to keep our house but probably unlikely. I suppose it's about addressing the new normal/new direction (love that advice btw).
Take care
I really feel for you. It's a really tough position. I don't have much practical advice to offer and the others have given some good avenues to explore. I just wanted to express my empathy. I'm in a similar position although much earlier on in the journey. I'm trying to see if I can salvage the house. I'm desperate to keep our house but probably unlikely. I suppose it's about addressing the new normal/new direction (love that advice btw).
Take care
Lish97
Hugs sent x
As with all the waiting and uncertainty of this journey this part needs to happen at least then you know what the outcome will be as hard as it is, of course you are going to worry about the what ifs but again they are out of our control BUT you have got this far and no matter what the outcome is you will get through it
It's great his PSR was favorable only the judge can make the final decisions as you know and hopefully the judge will take everything in to account
As for finances it will work out try to take one step at a time xx
Hugs sent x
As with all the waiting and uncertainty of this journey this part needs to happen at least then you know what the outcome will be as hard as it is, of course you are going to worry about the what ifs but again they are out of our control BUT you have got this far and no matter what the outcome is you will get through it
It's great his PSR was favorable only the judge can make the final decisions as you know and hopefully the judge will take everything in to account
As for finances it will work out try to take one step at a time xx