Struggling
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Hi all...
I am having an awful couple of weeks at the moment. I can’t shift it from my mind at all. I’m managing to go to work, but for the first time I’m finding that really difficult. I’m half way to work after dropping my youngest to school and with the holidays approaching, worry I won’t be able to push myself there...
I tried my drs for a second time, but she didn’t have anything to say. She said it’s not a medical issue. She eventually told me about Talking Therpaies, but said there is a long waiting list and they’re not specialised in subjects. That being said, as and when this is resolved my feelings aren’t going to change overnight, so worth signing up. I did this on Friday afternoon.
I’ve tried messaging my ex Mother-in-Law about my children and how they want to see their family, but it can’t be as and when. They play up after with confusion I guess, all being down to exes situation and his family don’t acknowledge. We all think we’re picking, but it’s not like that. I don’t understand how they don’t think to ask after the children regularly, especially with this going on. They think because I’ve “set rules” and let them know what happens after random visits that I’m being nasty, when I’m just trying to point out what is happening with my children and it’s not fair. We all had such amazing relationships before any of this.
Luckily my family have really stepped up and my Mum and partner, after some BIG fallings out are the best support for the 3 of us!
So, we’re 23 months in from arrest (we’d been separated for 7 months ish) and I now know the police want to charge with grooming a child and sexual assault. There I’ve written it and feel extremely sick...
Since giving a statement and being able to ask a couple questions, I found out the first, was (just) 14 at the time and that it went on for a year. At the point of giving a statement, I only knew there was communication. I found out the charges put to CPS after reading this forum. I know who the girl is, which I’m not sure if that makes it worse? I don’t know her or her family, but know he would’ve seen her on a weekly basis at a hobby he did, which his Mum was also at?! During this same timeframe, he also had an affair at work...Re-Married in May this year!!
I know he’s done this because of the police, but because he’s got re-married, his family don’t speak of it, he walks around like nothing’s happened etc, I find it hard to believe the charges could be so bad. BUT, he was clearly a good liar, while I was being a loving and good Mum and Wife.
Back to the girl and I’m really hoping someone will understand, there were photos of her online with pigtail french plaits in her hair. My eldest used to have her hair like it all the time (by me) but I cannot bring myself to put her hair like it....How ridiculous. I’m even crying now typing it. It’s just a hairstyle and they don’t see their Dad now either, so I’m not sure why I can’t.
We have had no social services involvement and I worry that when this comes out, IF he’s charged, they’ll come knocking. I have emailed the police officer this weekend as have concerns over my youngest - hopefully just for reassurance. At the end of the day, I have to be realistic that he was a trusted Dad with 2 girls on his own on many of occasions while this was going on. I cannot be ignorant to that. My children are now 12.5 and very nearly 5.
I am so sorry this post is so long. I need to “man-up” as they say and enjoy my Sunday with my girls....
I also just want to say that you are all very very brave in telling your stories and your feelings. Thank you.
Sillyac x
I am having an awful couple of weeks at the moment. I can’t shift it from my mind at all. I’m managing to go to work, but for the first time I’m finding that really difficult. I’m half way to work after dropping my youngest to school and with the holidays approaching, worry I won’t be able to push myself there...
I tried my drs for a second time, but she didn’t have anything to say. She said it’s not a medical issue. She eventually told me about Talking Therpaies, but said there is a long waiting list and they’re not specialised in subjects. That being said, as and when this is resolved my feelings aren’t going to change overnight, so worth signing up. I did this on Friday afternoon.
I’ve tried messaging my ex Mother-in-Law about my children and how they want to see their family, but it can’t be as and when. They play up after with confusion I guess, all being down to exes situation and his family don’t acknowledge. We all think we’re picking, but it’s not like that. I don’t understand how they don’t think to ask after the children regularly, especially with this going on. They think because I’ve “set rules” and let them know what happens after random visits that I’m being nasty, when I’m just trying to point out what is happening with my children and it’s not fair. We all had such amazing relationships before any of this.
Luckily my family have really stepped up and my Mum and partner, after some BIG fallings out are the best support for the 3 of us!
So, we’re 23 months in from arrest (we’d been separated for 7 months ish) and I now know the police want to charge with grooming a child and sexual assault. There I’ve written it and feel extremely sick...
Since giving a statement and being able to ask a couple questions, I found out the first, was (just) 14 at the time and that it went on for a year. At the point of giving a statement, I only knew there was communication. I found out the charges put to CPS after reading this forum. I know who the girl is, which I’m not sure if that makes it worse? I don’t know her or her family, but know he would’ve seen her on a weekly basis at a hobby he did, which his Mum was also at?! During this same timeframe, he also had an affair at work...Re-Married in May this year!!
I know he’s done this because of the police, but because he’s got re-married, his family don’t speak of it, he walks around like nothing’s happened etc, I find it hard to believe the charges could be so bad. BUT, he was clearly a good liar, while I was being a loving and good Mum and Wife.
Back to the girl and I’m really hoping someone will understand, there were photos of her online with pigtail french plaits in her hair. My eldest used to have her hair like it all the time (by me) but I cannot bring myself to put her hair like it....How ridiculous. I’m even crying now typing it. It’s just a hairstyle and they don’t see their Dad now either, so I’m not sure why I can’t.
We have had no social services involvement and I worry that when this comes out, IF he’s charged, they’ll come knocking. I have emailed the police officer this weekend as have concerns over my youngest - hopefully just for reassurance. At the end of the day, I have to be realistic that he was a trusted Dad with 2 girls on his own on many of occasions while this was going on. I cannot be ignorant to that. My children are now 12.5 and very nearly 5.
I am so sorry this post is so long. I need to “man-up” as they say and enjoy my Sunday with my girls....
I also just want to say that you are all very very brave in telling your stories and your feelings. Thank you.
Sillyac x
Thank you poster.
Woman-Up is so the right phrase with the ROAR!!!
I’m sorry your ex-in-laws are the same. I was just hoping that we could all put the children and their feelings first, regardless of anything, but no. In her reply she put that her family has been torn apart, but so has mine. I’m not concerned so much about that. My girls have lost half of their family at such a young age and unable to understand any of it! We as adults/parents/Grandparents should be able to stand up for them, but clearly not all of us can.
I can’t keep feeling their pain when I don’t have time to feel my own, if that makes sense!!
I have cut my grass and prepared for the boiling hot day we have here by putting water in the small paddling pool for my girls. So glad to have the sunshine, it definitely helps, although I have confined myself to being at home at the moment. I did the food shop yesterday, but I do have to push myself!
Thank you so much again for replying and reminding me, that sadly I am not alone in how I feel. Thank goodness I was directed to this site...
i hope you start to get less frustrated by your situation and can fully move on x
Woman-Up is so the right phrase with the ROAR!!!
I’m sorry your ex-in-laws are the same. I was just hoping that we could all put the children and their feelings first, regardless of anything, but no. In her reply she put that her family has been torn apart, but so has mine. I’m not concerned so much about that. My girls have lost half of their family at such a young age and unable to understand any of it! We as adults/parents/Grandparents should be able to stand up for them, but clearly not all of us can.
I can’t keep feeling their pain when I don’t have time to feel my own, if that makes sense!!
I have cut my grass and prepared for the boiling hot day we have here by putting water in the small paddling pool for my girls. So glad to have the sunshine, it definitely helps, although I have confined myself to being at home at the moment. I did the food shop yesterday, but I do have to push myself!
Thank you so much again for replying and reminding me, that sadly I am not alone in how I feel. Thank goodness I was directed to this site...
i hope you start to get less frustrated by your situation and can fully move on x
Hi
What a horrible time and do you know what, why can't you be upset over it, that's so normal. God done of these men are so awful you just can't put them with the person you were married to.
Yes, we are all strong and brave but so are you my lovely and don't you forget it.
Hold you head up, you have nothing to be ashamed of its all his shame and I'm not sure the judge is going to treat him too kindly on judgement day
Just look after yourself, please take some time just for you, love you beautiful girls and remember we're all here xxx
What a horrible time and do you know what, why can't you be upset over it, that's so normal. God done of these men are so awful you just can't put them with the person you were married to.
Yes, we are all strong and brave but so are you my lovely and don't you forget it.
Hold you head up, you have nothing to be ashamed of its all his shame and I'm not sure the judge is going to treat him too kindly on judgement day
Just look after yourself, please take some time just for you, love you beautiful girls and remember we're all here xxx
Thank you Tracey, and poster.
I hope the judge isn’t nice to him, I hope they see through his lies and have a truthful picture of whoever he is. Certainly not who I thought I’d married and chose to have children with.
Lots of love, hugs and positive thoughts being thrown at you all xxx
Thank you x
I hope the judge isn’t nice to him, I hope they see through his lies and have a truthful picture of whoever he is. Certainly not who I thought I’d married and chose to have children with.
Lots of love, hugs and positive thoughts being thrown at you all xxx
Thank you x