Feeling so angry
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Oh Anxious Mummy, I can't imagine being in that situation (I'm an adult child of an offender, no children of my own).
Be proud of and draw strength from what you're doing as a Mum for your son, this is so much about the good person you are and reminds you how you'll never be like your ex. Do you have anyone who knows you and the situation to vent to?
In case the posts you've seen are so understanding to a point where it's not relatable for where you're at now, I'll share that I'm done trying to understand it. I never will understand it. It's tragic hearing how people have gone downhill to end up offending but they made those choices and to keep trying to understand and be comfortable with something that is so far from my morals feels painful to me, so no I won't do that to myself. I really tried over the last three years to but it was at my expense, so no more trying.
I'm sorry to anyone who is more understanding than I am. I mean no disrespect and do not judge, we're all navigating our similar but different circumstances the best we can and I wish only good things for individuals and families caught up in this.
Be proud of and draw strength from what you're doing as a Mum for your son, this is so much about the good person you are and reminds you how you'll never be like your ex. Do you have anyone who knows you and the situation to vent to?
In case the posts you've seen are so understanding to a point where it's not relatable for where you're at now, I'll share that I'm done trying to understand it. I never will understand it. It's tragic hearing how people have gone downhill to end up offending but they made those choices and to keep trying to understand and be comfortable with something that is so far from my morals feels painful to me, so no I won't do that to myself. I really tried over the last three years to but it was at my expense, so no more trying.
I'm sorry to anyone who is more understanding than I am. I mean no disrespect and do not judge, we're all navigating our similar but different circumstances the best we can and I wish only good things for individuals and families caught up in this.
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Parker I am so so sorry to read this. I don't have any words but couldn't read and not reply.
Please make as much space as possible to remember and grieve your Mum, take the time you need now.
My Dad's in prison so I mean no offence when I say, he's not your priority right now. There's nothing you need to do for him. Look after yourself and your family now. Other people's offending cannot come before life events like this.
Wishing you all the best x
Please make as much space as possible to remember and grieve your Mum, take the time you need now.
My Dad's in prison so I mean no offence when I say, he's not your priority right now. There's nothing you need to do for him. Look after yourself and your family now. Other people's offending cannot come before life events like this.
Wishing you all the best x
So sorry to hear about your mum Parkerpoo
BlueJayy I agree with everything you have said.
BlueJayy I agree with everything you have said.
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Parkerpoo1 I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, sending all my love to you!
Today I say goodbye to my dad (funeral at 3 today).
I can't imagine someone being so selfish, even with everything going on, court in 4 weeks, my partner has been my rock. He was the other side of my father when he passed, holding his hand.
as someone said you need support, feel free to message me if you like.
we taking each day as it comes otherwise the questions and doubt creep in. I don't have time to let stuff I have no control over, dictate my day.
my mental health has taken a bad turn and I find this the only way to cope, but also get out of bed each day. X
Today I say goodbye to my dad (funeral at 3 today).
I can't imagine someone being so selfish, even with everything going on, court in 4 weeks, my partner has been my rock. He was the other side of my father when he passed, holding his hand.
as someone said you need support, feel free to message me if you like.
we taking each day as it comes otherwise the questions and doubt creep in. I don't have time to let stuff I have no control over, dictate my day.
my mental health has taken a bad turn and I find this the only way to cope, but also get out of bed each day. X
Parkerpoo1 I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, sending all my love to you!
Today I say goodbye to my dad (funeral at 3 today).
I can't imagine someone being so selfish, even with everything going on, court in 4 weeks, my partner has been my rock. He was the other side of my father when he passed, holding his hand.
as someone said you need support, feel free to message me if you like.
we taking each day as it comes otherwise the questions and doubt creep in. I don't have time to let stuff I have no control over, dictate my day.
my mental health has taken a bad turn and I find this the only way to cope, but also get out of bed each day. X
Today I say goodbye to my dad (funeral at 3 today).
I can't imagine someone being so selfish, even with everything going on, court in 4 weeks, my partner has been my rock. He was the other side of my father when he passed, holding his hand.
as someone said you need support, feel free to message me if you like.
we taking each day as it comes otherwise the questions and doubt creep in. I don't have time to let stuff I have no control over, dictate my day.
my mental health has taken a bad turn and I find this the only way to cope, but also get out of bed each day. X
Losteverything, I don't think anyone on here is minimising the crimes.
A lot of people on here have (small) children with the offenders and have built a life together that is not easy to untangle.
Also, it is not that easy to just stop loving someone.
Everyone's journey is different, some people decide to stay, some people decide to walk away.
Both choices are fine.
We already get so much judgement from the outside world, I don't think it is very helpful if we criticise each other's choices on here.
A lot of people on here have (small) children with the offenders and have built a life together that is not easy to untangle.
Also, it is not that easy to just stop loving someone.
Everyone's journey is different, some people decide to stay, some people decide to walk away.
Both choices are fine.
We already get so much judgement from the outside world, I don't think it is very helpful if we criticise each other's choices on here.
I think the anger does go to a degree then for me it has turned into disappointment, disappointed I have ended up in this situation. I don't want people to pity me or my children but it's that sadness of what could have or should have been! It will take time to realise life won't be what we thought but... it can still be good I'm sure x
In relation to the Minimising comment it's not about minimising I would say we all know the gravity of the offence and I also would have had the generalised public view point of these men before I found myself in this situation. I do not minimise and can not minimise what could have been that's not right (my person was a communication with a decoy) the effects it could have had on a child. However what I now am able to do now is have insight into people who commit these crimes and how unfortunately they come about and they come about for multitude of reasons but no one wants to or needs to want to understand more becase they stand with the mainstream and I can't blame them I was that person once.
I understand there are failings of society which have lead to the offences ie how children are harmed and how also they are allowed to be harmed by some individuals. There are also the wider failings yes our people have commited/accused of an offence but the agency's there to deal with this do not follow the rules and the significant funding cuts and lack of staff create delays or infact do not serve the public in ensuring safety!
If my person was that 'dangerous' he needs SOR for 10 years why did they take 4 years to bring him to justice? Let's say there was a child involved that's not fair on them and it's not fair on my children.
He notified he was at my address with children for more than 12 hours did anybody contact me to tell me this dangerous man is in my home?? No!
We are not minimising! We are supporting each other through the shittitst time ever and keeping each other going!
In relation to the Minimising comment it's not about minimising I would say we all know the gravity of the offence and I also would have had the generalised public view point of these men before I found myself in this situation. I do not minimise and can not minimise what could have been that's not right (my person was a communication with a decoy) the effects it could have had on a child. However what I now am able to do now is have insight into people who commit these crimes and how unfortunately they come about and they come about for multitude of reasons but no one wants to or needs to want to understand more becase they stand with the mainstream and I can't blame them I was that person once.
I understand there are failings of society which have lead to the offences ie how children are harmed and how also they are allowed to be harmed by some individuals. There are also the wider failings yes our people have commited/accused of an offence but the agency's there to deal with this do not follow the rules and the significant funding cuts and lack of staff create delays or infact do not serve the public in ensuring safety!
If my person was that 'dangerous' he needs SOR for 10 years why did they take 4 years to bring him to justice? Let's say there was a child involved that's not fair on them and it's not fair on my children.
He notified he was at my address with children for more than 12 hours did anybody contact me to tell me this dangerous man is in my home?? No!
We are not minimising! We are supporting each other through the shittitst time ever and keeping each other going!
HPL111
Hear hear, every case is different, every offender is different, every relationship is different.
Everyone who posts on here is someone who found themselves in a terrible situation that they did not cause and have little or no control over. We all try to deal with it the best way we can. The only minimisation we do is to minimise as much as possible the harm to our children, ourselves and our families /loved ones.
If we start putting everyone into the same box, then we are no different to the tabloids or social media.
This is meant to be a support group
Hear hear, every case is different, every offender is different, every relationship is different.
Everyone who posts on here is someone who found themselves in a terrible situation that they did not cause and have little or no control over. We all try to deal with it the best way we can. The only minimisation we do is to minimise as much as possible the harm to our children, ourselves and our families /loved ones.
If we start putting everyone into the same box, then we are no different to the tabloids or social media.
This is meant to be a support group
I feel most people here are doing the exact opposite of minimising. We are trying to somehow find a way to live a life we don't want to live.
if we were minimising, we wouldn't be on this forum. People who minimise won't see *this* as a big deal so won't feel the need to explore resources and express their feelings, grief, trauma, shame and pain.
It's not in anyone's best interests to minimise our lived experience.
if we were minimising, we wouldn't be on this forum. People who minimise won't see *this* as a big deal so won't feel the need to explore resources and express their feelings, grief, trauma, shame and pain.
It's not in anyone's best interests to minimise our lived experience.
Dear Forum Users,
It has come to our attention that some of the language used in this thread has caused some upset, which is why we have taken the decision to remove it. Please remember that this is a supportive environment, where people come to receive and provide support in a non-judgemental way. Whilst we value the diversity of experience and opinion on the forum, can we ask that you are mindful of the comments you make and the words you choose to use in order to ensure they are not upsetting or offensive to other users.
As always, thank you to you all for posting on the forum and for the support you are providing to each other.
Kind Regards
The Forum Team
It has come to our attention that some of the language used in this thread has caused some upset, which is why we have taken the decision to remove it. Please remember that this is a supportive environment, where people come to receive and provide support in a non-judgemental way. Whilst we value the diversity of experience and opinion on the forum, can we ask that you are mindful of the comments you make and the words you choose to use in order to ensure they are not upsetting or offensive to other users.
As always, thank you to you all for posting on the forum and for the support you are providing to each other.
Kind Regards
The Forum Team
It might be worth saying that each person who experiences this trauma, goes through the different stages of grief on their journey. Denial (which can include minimisation), anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are all part of that.
It's important to recognise that everyone's emotional response is equally valid and not to criticise others, just because they are at a different stage of their journey to our own.
It's important to recognise that everyone's emotional response is equally valid and not to criticise others, just because they are at a different stage of their journey to our own.
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