Telling children about separation - utter shock
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Can't believe I am hear writing this I am in absolute shock.
6 days ago my family was perfect I loved my partner and I have 2 wonder children (age 7 and 10)
then my door knocked , police saying someone at my address had searched inappropriate child content online .
Unknown to me my partner spoke to a police officer privately and said it was him so they only took his phone and tablet .
im in utter shock , my perfect world has been turned upside down. I have moved out of my home and staying with a family member with the kids . I have came up with a reason why we are here for the short term but obviously I'm going to have to tell them myself and their dad are seperating .
what do I say the reason is ? I know my children will ask why ? I just don't know how to do it .
my partner wasn't arrested just devices taken and they said there where 2 searches since 2022 showing up on wifi history. obviously I don't know what the searches where. I know it all depends on what on the phone . The thing I'm terrified about most is this becoming public knowledge . I'm scared for my children and myself.
I love my husband with my whole heart he and my kids where my world . I just know I cant be with him anymore after this .
im heartbroken in shock and absolutely devestated.
6 days ago my family was perfect I loved my partner and I have 2 wonder children (age 7 and 10)
then my door knocked , police saying someone at my address had searched inappropriate child content online .
Unknown to me my partner spoke to a police officer privately and said it was him so they only took his phone and tablet .
im in utter shock , my perfect world has been turned upside down. I have moved out of my home and staying with a family member with the kids . I have came up with a reason why we are here for the short term but obviously I'm going to have to tell them myself and their dad are seperating .
what do I say the reason is ? I know my children will ask why ? I just don't know how to do it .
my partner wasn't arrested just devices taken and they said there where 2 searches since 2022 showing up on wifi history. obviously I don't know what the searches where. I know it all depends on what on the phone . The thing I'm terrified about most is this becoming public knowledge . I'm scared for my children and myself.
I love my husband with my whole heart he and my kids where my world . I just know I cant be with him anymore after this .
im heartbroken in shock and absolutely devestated.
Devestatedwife I'm so sorry reading this. I can feel the fear and it's reminding me of the early days when this first happened in our family.
I'm not a parent but know there are many supportive parents on here who will be able to reassure you.
If you haven't already, please consider calling the Lucy Faithful support line. I found that talking about it out loud just helped a little instead of it being these big, overwhelming and overlapping thoughts I couldn't process.
It sounds like you and your children are safe so please, I know this is easier said than done but try to have a mindful weekend packed with quality time together. Whilst I haven't been in your position with children to think of, I can say it's not a quick process and practicing protecting time and activities from the hell this situation brings was important for me and my sanity.
I'm more than happy to be corrected by any of the parents here but I don't think there's anything you need to do this weekend about this, so concentrate on you and the kids. Wishing you all the very best
I'm not a parent but know there are many supportive parents on here who will be able to reassure you.
If you haven't already, please consider calling the Lucy Faithful support line. I found that talking about it out loud just helped a little instead of it being these big, overwhelming and overlapping thoughts I couldn't process.
It sounds like you and your children are safe so please, I know this is easier said than done but try to have a mindful weekend packed with quality time together. Whilst I haven't been in your position with children to think of, I can say it's not a quick process and practicing protecting time and activities from the hell this situation brings was important for me and my sanity.
I'm more than happy to be corrected by any of the parents here but I don't think there's anything you need to do this weekend about this, so concentrate on you and the kids. Wishing you all the very best
Don't rush into making any rash decisions yet. Everything is very raw at the minute so give it a few weeks to sink in. Once you know the facts you may decide you don't want to separate from him. Plenty of people on this forum have stayed once they understand it more. It's an awful time and can drag on for a long time so please keep coming on here if you feel yourself struggling xx
I second not making any rash decisions
We told my husband's work and the nursery and sw we were separating which was true at the time but a week or two later I had changed my mind. Made it more complicated/awkward in the long run. Luckily our son was a baby at the time so we hadn't said anything to him
Sending lots of support your way
We told my husband's work and the nursery and sw we were separating which was true at the time but a week or two later I had changed my mind. Made it more complicated/awkward in the long run. Luckily our son was a baby at the time so we hadn't said anything to him
Sending lots of support your way
I'm 100pecent sure I could never get back with him . I've been bringing my children to visit him and I can't even look at him and I know that's not going to change ever .
one of my children is really struggling behaviour has gotten a lot worse and he cries to go with his dad every time he leaves . It would absolutely break your heart . This is a long road and the children are going to have to get used to it that's the thought reality . So am I last week I was happily married with a family now my world has crashed and my kids lives turned upside down .
don't get me wrong at all I do not have any sympathy for my ex he has done what he has done and it's all his fault but I can't help out myself in his shoes as well . Lost absolutely everything in his life . How would anyone cope with that
one of my children is really struggling behaviour has gotten a lot worse and he cries to go with his dad every time he leaves . It would absolutely break your heart . This is a long road and the children are going to have to get used to it that's the thought reality . So am I last week I was happily married with a family now my world has crashed and my kids lives turned upside down .
don't get me wrong at all I do not have any sympathy for my ex he has done what he has done and it's all his fault but I can't help out myself in his shoes as well . Lost absolutely everything in his life . How would anyone cope with that
Hi Devastated - I mostly stick to reading the discussion thread but your post caught my eye and I felt compelled to comment.
im so sorry you are in this predicament, truly horrific and such a devastating blow for everyone, without a doubt.
im an old hand at this now my son is serving a long prison sentence and I feel proud how much I've come on and (for now) getting on with my 'new shaped life'. It's been a nightmare but I've reached a peace with the decisions I have had to make in the past.
All I can offer is don't blame yourself for loving your husband, you are innocent and step back to take each day as it comes - don't take on the whole world. There's no need to make those long term decisions at this minute, see how it all unfolds. I certainly understand this is not easy when your heart is full of terror.
Love yourself and your children. As regards the future of your relationship again time will elapse and possibly feelings will change. But do whatever is right for you and your children. Others (often meaning well) will try to sway you, but do what gives you peace that enables you to sleep at night.
I send on my thoughts and I'm here if you want to message me. Take care x
im so sorry you are in this predicament, truly horrific and such a devastating blow for everyone, without a doubt.
im an old hand at this now my son is serving a long prison sentence and I feel proud how much I've come on and (for now) getting on with my 'new shaped life'. It's been a nightmare but I've reached a peace with the decisions I have had to make in the past.
All I can offer is don't blame yourself for loving your husband, you are innocent and step back to take each day as it comes - don't take on the whole world. There's no need to make those long term decisions at this minute, see how it all unfolds. I certainly understand this is not easy when your heart is full of terror.
Love yourself and your children. As regards the future of your relationship again time will elapse and possibly feelings will change. But do whatever is right for you and your children. Others (often meaning well) will try to sway you, but do what gives you peace that enables you to sleep at night.
I send on my thoughts and I'm here if you want to message me. Take care x
Hugs and sympathies. My boys were 7 and 11 at arrest. They were there when my husband was arrested and devices seized, and they had their devices checked. I had to say something to explain what was going on. So I told them that the police thought that daddy had been looking at something he shouldn't on the internet and needed to investigate. I said that there were long delays on checking devices and that it would take them a long time, and in the meantime daddy wasn't allowed to live with us to keep them safe. I later explained that the police said that while they were investigating that daddy couldn't see them without someone else there, again just to make sure they were safe. I've been expecting more questions but a year down the line they seem to have accepted our new "normal". Social services seemed to approve of the child friendly explanation I'd given and used the same one. I would say don't rush into any decisions as it takes time to get your head round what is going on. Good luck
So sorry you are going through this.
I told my child that my OH had some mental health issues and was staying away to try seek some help.
we are luckily out the other end now and wasn't in the paper. I got through social work and everything and my son still doesn't know the truth. I just don't see what good it would have done, he wld have been devastated
it all depends on ss luckily mine were ok and understood why I wasn't telling my son the truth
good luck xx
I told my child that my OH had some mental health issues and was staying away to try seek some help.
we are luckily out the other end now and wasn't in the paper. I got through social work and everything and my son still doesn't know the truth. I just don't see what good it would have done, he wld have been devastated
it all depends on ss luckily mine were ok and understood why I wasn't telling my son the truth
good luck xx