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A lot of people on here say that they managed to keep it hidden but my experience was very different
we never had ‘the knock’ I had ‘the scream’. It was a normal evening at home, my husband worked 2 hours away and had said he would be late home, I was sat on the bed watching love island (a crime in itself,, I know) when I heard a scream from my 19 year old daughters room. She came running in in tears stuttering ‘it’s dad, they are accusing him of horrible things’ she handed me her phone which was live streaming a group of vigilantes called dark light surrounding my husband accusing him of going to meet a 12 year old girl. Now I work for the police so immediately called my boss who told me if it was real I would hear from the police. (This was mid evening)
All hell broke lose in the house and the worst night of my life began. We were receiving messages on Facebook where the video was streamed saying horrible things and we began to receive hate mail as they had linked our profile via surnamed so we deactivated our accounts
my husband worked in London so I called met police to find out what was happening as the video eventually showed him being cuffed and put in a police van. They had no clue and he wasn’t on their system. My brother in law looked at the vid again and it was recorded up north, we rang the local police up there and they didn’t have him, we eventually thought to trace his phone using find my phone and got through to the police here his phone was, they wouldn’t tell us anything.
We began to panic that the real police didn’t have him and the vigilantes did so reported him missing, we were eventually told he was safe and to go to bed. The local police came at 3am and took away our electronics.
The next day we had press knocking on the door, our address had been posted on Facebook and everyone knew!! Updates were posted on Facebook throughout proceedings and in local press.
we have all changed our names now (mine and kids are different to his
), I’m losing my job so will have new employment, and will be moving in a few weeks so hopefully will regain some anonymity.
There is is only one thing worse than going through this, it is going through it and everyone knowing!!
Has anyone been through similar and got through it. I am terrified of someone recognising him when we move.
we never had ‘the knock’ I had ‘the scream’. It was a normal evening at home, my husband worked 2 hours away and had said he would be late home, I was sat on the bed watching love island (a crime in itself,, I know) when I heard a scream from my 19 year old daughters room. She came running in in tears stuttering ‘it’s dad, they are accusing him of horrible things’ she handed me her phone which was live streaming a group of vigilantes called dark light surrounding my husband accusing him of going to meet a 12 year old girl. Now I work for the police so immediately called my boss who told me if it was real I would hear from the police. (This was mid evening)
All hell broke lose in the house and the worst night of my life began. We were receiving messages on Facebook where the video was streamed saying horrible things and we began to receive hate mail as they had linked our profile via surnamed so we deactivated our accounts
my husband worked in London so I called met police to find out what was happening as the video eventually showed him being cuffed and put in a police van. They had no clue and he wasn’t on their system. My brother in law looked at the vid again and it was recorded up north, we rang the local police up there and they didn’t have him, we eventually thought to trace his phone using find my phone and got through to the police here his phone was, they wouldn’t tell us anything.
We began to panic that the real police didn’t have him and the vigilantes did so reported him missing, we were eventually told he was safe and to go to bed. The local police came at 3am and took away our electronics.
The next day we had press knocking on the door, our address had been posted on Facebook and everyone knew!! Updates were posted on Facebook throughout proceedings and in local press.
we have all changed our names now (mine and kids are different to his
), I’m losing my job so will have new employment, and will be moving in a few weeks so hopefully will regain some anonymity.
There is is only one thing worse than going through this, it is going through it and everyone knowing!!
Has anyone been through similar and got through it. I am terrified of someone recognising him when we move.
I was just horrified reading your experience. I know there is nothing I can do or say to make this better but just want to send you a big hug. X
Wow I cant imagine finding out the way that you did that has got to be the worse way possible. And for your daughter as well as there was no privacy. I thought the way I found out was bad but in comparison it wasnt.
I didnt get a knock personally either although my soon to be ex husband did. I work for the nhs and as such work 12 and a half hour shifts. On thr day he was arrested I was already in work when the knock came. I was completely unaware that he had been arrested. I went for my lunch break and found a number of miss calls from a number I didnt know and a voice mail message. It was the police asking me to call them back. When I did I was told that they were outside the unit I worked in. Yes I found out whilst at work what he had did.
Due to it being the middle of my shift and the police being there I then had to get my manager in who was informed by the police what he had done and I was sent home. But everybody working that day knew I had been visited by the police and some had seen me leaving in tears. I took 3 weeks off work for 'personal stress' and in that time it was decided if I would be allowed to return because of the type of work I do. Luckily the police and social services both spoke to my manager during that time and reassured them that I was innocent and that they had proof that I hadnt done anything. So I got to keep my job.
The public side of it for me was the fact that people in work were aware that something had happened and wanted to know what. But i had been told by the police that i was not allowed to tell anybody the details while they were still investigating and advised me to lead people to believe it was a domestic violence case! This didnt work in work as if it had been i wouldnt have been informed of his arrest in that manor so i had to tell them id left my husband he had been arrested and i couldnt discuss it due to it being an ongoing issue.
However he is now in jail for 16 months (is due out in may after juat 8 months) and i have told some people in work the details. Ive been lucky because the response Ive recieved has all been positive i think due to the fact that theyve seen the steps ive taken and most say about how strong ive been and how ive kept going.
I know ive been really lucky that nobody has given me a hard time all ive had is suppport from everyone who finds out. But i was worried about who found out and ive been very careful with who ive told only people i trust. I really cannot imagine going through what you have. You are clearly an extremly strong woman
I didnt get a knock personally either although my soon to be ex husband did. I work for the nhs and as such work 12 and a half hour shifts. On thr day he was arrested I was already in work when the knock came. I was completely unaware that he had been arrested. I went for my lunch break and found a number of miss calls from a number I didnt know and a voice mail message. It was the police asking me to call them back. When I did I was told that they were outside the unit I worked in. Yes I found out whilst at work what he had did.
Due to it being the middle of my shift and the police being there I then had to get my manager in who was informed by the police what he had done and I was sent home. But everybody working that day knew I had been visited by the police and some had seen me leaving in tears. I took 3 weeks off work for 'personal stress' and in that time it was decided if I would be allowed to return because of the type of work I do. Luckily the police and social services both spoke to my manager during that time and reassured them that I was innocent and that they had proof that I hadnt done anything. So I got to keep my job.
The public side of it for me was the fact that people in work were aware that something had happened and wanted to know what. But i had been told by the police that i was not allowed to tell anybody the details while they were still investigating and advised me to lead people to believe it was a domestic violence case! This didnt work in work as if it had been i wouldnt have been informed of his arrest in that manor so i had to tell them id left my husband he had been arrested and i couldnt discuss it due to it being an ongoing issue.
However he is now in jail for 16 months (is due out in may after juat 8 months) and i have told some people in work the details. Ive been lucky because the response Ive recieved has all been positive i think due to the fact that theyve seen the steps ive taken and most say about how strong ive been and how ive kept going.
I know ive been really lucky that nobody has given me a hard time all ive had is suppport from everyone who finds out. But i was worried about who found out and ive been very careful with who ive told only people i trust. I really cannot imagine going through what you have. You are clearly an extremly strong woman
Oh that sounds so horrid, so sorry that you went through this... my heart is with you, we had our case in the Telegraph, the Guardian, the Times, and the Daily mail, with our address and a photo of my husband. We had 2 hours to tell our friends before it went out. In a way it helped (not at the time!) as very nearly all of our friends stood by us and were wonderful. But it was very hard to read.
Thank you for your support xx there really needs to be more support for families I think xx if I won the lottery I would set up a support refuge for families xx
Hello there,
My experience has some parallels to yours. I haven't seen the Facebook live stream video myself but I have friends and family members who did see it. I have chosen not to see it.
My (now former) partner was caught by a vigilante 'peadophile hunter' group nearly three months ago, arrested and is now bailed elsewhere. It's all got out and although we are not together anymore I do worry about who has seen it. There are some people I have come across and I'm thinking 'do they know?'
We don't have any children so that makes it slightly easier for me. Our experience is similar in that we both went out to work for a normal day, he was caught not long after he finished work and so I reported him missing same as you did.
I am just taking it day by day, don't have much advice but wanted to let you know you are not alone.
Much love xx
My experience has some parallels to yours. I haven't seen the Facebook live stream video myself but I have friends and family members who did see it. I have chosen not to see it.
My (now former) partner was caught by a vigilante 'peadophile hunter' group nearly three months ago, arrested and is now bailed elsewhere. It's all got out and although we are not together anymore I do worry about who has seen it. There are some people I have come across and I'm thinking 'do they know?'
We don't have any children so that makes it slightly easier for me. Our experience is similar in that we both went out to work for a normal day, he was caught not long after he finished work and so I reported him missing same as you did.
I am just taking it day by day, don't have much advice but wanted to let you know you are not alone.
Much love xx