Family and Friends Forum

Hello,

as far as I know nothing will come up on your enhanced DBS. I have one and it's also on the update service but nothing comes up. My husband has not been sentenced yet but I don't think it will make any difference when he is. There used to be jobs where you could be "disqualified by association", but that has been changed now and you don't have to declare it even if you live with a sex offender.

Hope this helps x

Hi Lucy1,

I second what Christina has said. The disqualification by association no longer applies. I work with children and am a safeguarding lead. I did let my boss know as it was important to show transparency and honesty about the situation so that if it came out somehow, I had been upfront and not hidden anything. My boss has been really supportive.

I hope this sets your mind at rest.

Hi Lucy

Just to let you know I also need an enhanced dbs for my job, I recently had it renewed and nothing came up. My husband is currently in prison so rest assured you will be fine xx

Hi Lucy

I think it's safe to say I get through each day, sometimes with a smile and sometimes with tears!

This is something that just doesn't seem to go away, I'm no longer with my husband, we're in the process of getting divorced so that's been/is tough too.

I'm glad your partner has rebuilt his life and is doing well xx

Hi,

My now ex boyfriend had his knock 2 weeks ago and I wanted to be there to support him. He is accused of uploading images from KIK which he says he has never done. I do believe him but the police have told me something else. I believed that I didn’t need to disclose the information after I found out he had been arrested to my workplace. I work in children’s services however I did seek advice and I believed it was true I didn’t need to disclose. The police called me last week nearly two weeks after the knock to talk to me. After our chat they imformed me they would need to let my workplace know. I then needed to be honest and let my workplace know. This lead to them saying I would need to choose my job or my partner. I then separated from my partner that night. I don’t know if I have made the right decision as I still love him. I know he was really suicidal after his knock. He is getting some support but I’m not sure if it is the right support for him. My work know I have left him but now want to do a fact finding meeting tomorrow to establish why I didn’t tell them straight away. I’m scared, confused and feel guilty for choosing my job over my partner. I have only been in the job for a few months and still on my probation period. This is also the second time my ex has been arrested and I didn’t know about the first time until a couple of weeks ago. We had only been together 18 months but he is such a good man. He has his reasons for doing what he did which I get to a degree. I just don’t know whether I have chosen the right thing and am scared I could lose my job and lose everything anyway.

Sorry that seems all over the place but my head is so unclear. Any advice especially around the disqualification through association would be helpful. Thanks

Hi...

Read your message and thought you would be interested in the information I found on an internet site called HUB.UNLOCK which is for those convicted of any offence who need advice and information....

Latest – July 2018 – The Department of Education published its response, (“amending the childcare disqualification arrangements in schools and non-domestic registered settings”), to the consultation that it announced in May 2016. It agreed disqualification by association in schools and registered non-domestic childcare settings should be removed. Therefore, from the 1st September 2018 schools are no longer required to ask their staff questions about unspent relevant convictions of someone living in their household.

Hi Lucy,

I have had to chose too. I completely understand. It was my kids or him essentially as their Father works in an area which means that he'd do everything in his power to get custody. Hence I chose my kids. Increasingly, it's become obvious that being with him would affect my work also.

I understand so much. The pain, the guilt. All of it. I loved him so much.

All I can advise is that it gets easier with time. Keep yourself busy. No time to think. And remember. He is an adult. He has chosen his path. Do not beat yourself up about that. There is help for him out there. Hopefully he is engaged with stop it now. Has called the helpline. Sometimes we have to make difficult decisions. Whatever they may be. Whether to leave, whether to stay. Everyones circumstances are so different and individual. Whatever decision we make is best for us. At our time in life.

Don't question your decision. It's a tough one that non of us should have to make.

I'm so sorry you are going through this pain too. But we are strong. Everyone on this forum is amazing. We deal with things nobody, should ever have too. And carry on regardless.

Your strong x

Thanks for the support. I work alongside ss but not doing what social workers do but support them with external services that can help children. That sounds vague but I don’t want to be too specific on here. According to the police they are the same offences. His offence before was downloading images which he said was because he wanted to see the pain of others who had been through what he had been through. He was abused as a child however this has never been reported. I haven’t seen anyone else say about this on the forum but I know everyone has an individual story. I feel really conflicted between work and my ex. I never felt he put pressure about our relationship until I had to end it. I have seen the disqualification for association and trying to get my head round it before my meeting tomorrow. From the advice I have been given on the whole I don’t think I needed to disclose however my contract at work talks about putting the work place in disripute which I am scared they will end my contract on for not saying straight away. I have called the helpline twice. The first call was great but the second one could have been better. I will ring again if I feel I need to.

Everyone is so strong and the forum has helped me a lot this weekend. Thank you x

Hi Natalie, I’m sorry you are also going through this. I can relate to how you are feeling as I also work in the realm of safeguarding. I can’t believe how much of a difficult position the men we have chosen have put us in. I feel at present whilst awaiting any charges it is me who seems to have thier world turned upside down and the consequences for us are huge. I’m currently not working at the moment. I hope your meeting went ok today? Are you in a union should I would advise speaking to them if you can. This whole thing is like a rollercoaster that you don’t decide when to get off.

Stay strong and keep coming here to sound off, the ladies here are such amazing women! X

Hi

i work for Children’s Services and the Police said that I did not need to disclose however Social Care might inform my employer when they got a referral I decided to be transparent and went in and spoke to my Manager. My Manager was really supportive and put a LADO Referral in for me so we were transparent and honest.

Sure enough Social Care did put a referral in to LADO it because we had already do r it we was one step ahead and it was already dealt with. The dismissal through association laws were changed last year I think check it out in internet.

To be dismissed through the LADO you need to have harmed a child, put S child in danger or not see and understand the seriousness of someone’s crime which would mean you have impaired judgement when protecting children in your job



Good Luck with your meeting

Hi,

Meeting seemed to go okay until the day end when the HR lady said that they were concerned about me as he had contacted me yesterday and I had replied. I feel really stupid for replying but wanted to check he was okay but also was clear I did not think it was a good idea for us to be in contact. They said that they were concerned about my decision making to safeguard which doesn’t sound good to me. I have now blocked him from everything I can think of. I was also told of more lies he had told me about his sentence that he has got a suspended prison sentence which he had never told me. Apparently you can google him as well. I feel sooo angry with him right now. I can’t get any union help as I have only just joined to get help. There is a next meeting with HR at some point and I’m going to try and get some representative then. I can’t believe that such a lovely relationship and time we had together is now so tainted with lies. It was a LADO fact finding meeting today but I’m not sure when I will find out the outcome, it is all so up in the air. I feel as my whole world is crumbling down all around me and there is nothing I can do. I have been honest and that is all I can be! Tomorrow is another day.

Oh Natalie,

Honestly and transparency is what you can control. Your feelings must be in utter turmoil. It seems like no contact is the best course of action for you. It isn't you that has commited any crime. Yet it's you that is being punished.

Your strong. We all are. Take it hour by hour, day by day. It becomes easier. Almost normal. A new normal, but a manageable normal.

Keep posting on here. We are here for you.

You've got this lady. X

Natalie, you can’t help that he withheld that information from you and you are only Human and want to make sure he is ok, you have been open and honest with them when they have asked you that’s all you can do. Was your manager there? I hope you reiterated that you haven’t committed the crime etc and struggling with the whole idea. If only they knew what a mile in our shoes entails at the moment! I have also been referred to the LADO but I have not heard anything at all, which makes me worry about what they have said about me and have on my file now - paranoid I know. I used to be someone who would be confident in my role and say can find a job anywhere now I feel like I’ll be lucky if I can hold onto this one. I have children and I am currently with my partner the ss case is closed until the investigation is finished/charges brought. Do you plan on staying with your partner now you know this extra information?

Are you working at the moment? I really hope things settle down for you, xx

I can understand being paranoid about what is being said about you. My manager was at the last meeting but couldn’t say anything. I have been told I have a formal probation review and that I NEED a union rep which doesn’t sound good to me. I have only just the union and they said they can’t help for cases already started. I will try again. I’m being referred to counselling and going to go the doctors. I’m trying to muster up the strength to get a good case behind me. Does anyone have any advice on someone who could represent me at work if a union rep can’t? I was also told that work didn’t think I was strong enough, I’m not sure what they really expected really!

Hi Natalie

I'm so sorry you're going through this awful time!

In way of being with you at the meeting, I don't know if it's possible but how about a solicitor, or at least going getting advice from them? Try ACAS for advice too

I was under the impression that your partner's crimes (sorry couldn't think of another word) didn't affect you and your standing.

Your employer's must understand that until XX time ago you were totally oblivious of this, you are not to blame, you have split from him to save your job and yourself from this but you loved this man and feelings don't just turn off

It's a really complicated time, you hate what they have done, your don't recognise that part of them as being the person you loved but in the other hand you miss the person you thought he was

I think your work are being very unfair, have they said anything before this about your performance? If they haven't then I would say they should be helping you with what they are staying are weaknesses

Good luck and keep coming on here for the support xx

Hi,

I wanted to say thank you for your support. I have now lost my job because I didn't disclose quick enough and that affects my professional judgement and I should have asked my line manager what to do. I'm feeling a bit crushed but trying to see it as a new direction in life. I can appeal but I'm not sure there is much point but I can start to focus on myself again, whatever that really means.

I'm sorry to hear this and I do hope your okay.

Sending you positivity and strength. Here for you x