Just why is SS like this?
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Hi all,
Just need what I feel is another rant and it always seems to be about the same subject.
I get safeguarding, I get doing their job, but I don't know if it's just the SWs I've dealt with or SS in general but I just get the feeling from them that they won't be happy until my OH is gone, out the picture and never coming back. There's always a hidden BUT after every "we can't force you to separate", BUT we'll make your life miserable until you do.
I've tried explaining to my SWs what I would like in terms of trying to live a normal life, get back a "Be grateful for what you have" response, I've explained how restricting our current conditions are and I get "Well don't see him then". They don't want us to be a family at all or at the very least won't support us in trying to be one.
All I want is for my child to have the most normal family upbringing as I can phyiscally manage with what's going on, when I was first told that other evidence had been found I was prepared to separate, sell up and figure things out but when I asked the question of will SS still be involved I was told yes so what was the point of going through all the extra stress on top?
I'm happy to do every safeguarding course under the sun and so is my OH, but the way my SWs have been, if I started doing courses then its a "so you definately know he's guilty then" or something like that. I know there are some SWs on here, but I've been given absolutely no reason to trust them with how I've been treated, I get my OH has potientially (because I don't know the full story myself yet) done a horrible crime and they have to look at safeguarding, but it just feels like they look past all the positives he's worked on and only see him as a criminal.
It's just so draining, my OH is my main emotional support and we haven't been able to live together for months, and even when I tell them that he supports me emotionally, they don't like it one bit. Well I'm sorry but the days when I've been crying my eyes out, not even with this stuff but raising a newborn he's been the one looking out for me, not them.
I just want this over with but can still see this lasting until next year (maybe longer) and it feels like no matter how much I push back, I won't get anywhere unless its from another professional and even then they're pretty reluctant to change anything.
Sorry about that & rant over, just really wanted to get this off my chest because I'm just getting so tired of it all now. thanks all xx
Just need what I feel is another rant and it always seems to be about the same subject.
I get safeguarding, I get doing their job, but I don't know if it's just the SWs I've dealt with or SS in general but I just get the feeling from them that they won't be happy until my OH is gone, out the picture and never coming back. There's always a hidden BUT after every "we can't force you to separate", BUT we'll make your life miserable until you do.
I've tried explaining to my SWs what I would like in terms of trying to live a normal life, get back a "Be grateful for what you have" response, I've explained how restricting our current conditions are and I get "Well don't see him then". They don't want us to be a family at all or at the very least won't support us in trying to be one.
All I want is for my child to have the most normal family upbringing as I can phyiscally manage with what's going on, when I was first told that other evidence had been found I was prepared to separate, sell up and figure things out but when I asked the question of will SS still be involved I was told yes so what was the point of going through all the extra stress on top?
I'm happy to do every safeguarding course under the sun and so is my OH, but the way my SWs have been, if I started doing courses then its a "so you definately know he's guilty then" or something like that. I know there are some SWs on here, but I've been given absolutely no reason to trust them with how I've been treated, I get my OH has potientially (because I don't know the full story myself yet) done a horrible crime and they have to look at safeguarding, but it just feels like they look past all the positives he's worked on and only see him as a criminal.
It's just so draining, my OH is my main emotional support and we haven't been able to live together for months, and even when I tell them that he supports me emotionally, they don't like it one bit. Well I'm sorry but the days when I've been crying my eyes out, not even with this stuff but raising a newborn he's been the one looking out for me, not them.
I just want this over with but can still see this lasting until next year (maybe longer) and it feels like no matter how much I push back, I won't get anywhere unless its from another professional and even then they're pretty reluctant to change anything.
Sorry about that & rant over, just really wanted to get this off my chest because I'm just getting so tired of it all now. thanks all xx
By all means rant away, we are here to support you.
as far as ss go it's not just you and your family, I'm pretty sure it's nearly all of us, I've expressly told mine I haven't had a chance to think about a relationship yet because I've always got them on my back, that didn't go well. They just can't seem to be bothered in doing their actual jobs, if you choose to remain it makes their lives harder some how, where as you choose to leave they don't have to do as much. At least that's what I've noticed.
keep your head up hun and don't worry about ranting we all do it xxx
as far as ss go it's not just you and your family, I'm pretty sure it's nearly all of us, I've expressly told mine I haven't had a chance to think about a relationship yet because I've always got them on my back, that didn't go well. They just can't seem to be bothered in doing their actual jobs, if you choose to remain it makes their lives harder some how, where as you choose to leave they don't have to do as much. At least that's what I've noticed.
keep your head up hun and don't worry about ranting we all do it xxx
I've come to the conclusion they've been able to get away with saying whatever they want and because they have so much control over our lives we often don't feel as though we can push back and question them.
However this is exactly what we should be doing! At times I feel like I've lost my fight but I soon find it again, especially with some help from some of the wonderful ladies on this forum.
However this is exactly what we should be doing! At times I feel like I've lost my fight but I soon find it again, especially with some help from some of the wonderful ladies on this forum.
Hi
sorry you are going through this. My OH was out the house for 5 months as we have an 11 yr old and SS were involved. The first SW was awful and told me that my child Cld be removed due to my OH crime. My child was put under child protection but when we got the new long term SW he was great and knew my son was in no harm. He very much wanted to keep the family unit together. ( we have now separated after court etc) but I did manage to get my OH home. A national risk assessment was carried out by SS and reviewed at the child protection conference and all agreed than was no risk to my child.
Only going off my experience but :-
1- tell them repeatedly you don't condone what ur OH has done
2- if your OH isn't engaging with stop it now then strongly advise they do. And share this with SS
3 - do the stop in now courses it's a great way to ask questions and get support and try get your head around it alll
4 - just keep things clear to them that ur children are your world and that u know how to protect them.
5 - ask them if you can work up your OH staying one night a week
6 - ask why risk assessment method they are using? And if they can complete one?
hope this helps
x
sorry you are going through this. My OH was out the house for 5 months as we have an 11 yr old and SS were involved. The first SW was awful and told me that my child Cld be removed due to my OH crime. My child was put under child protection but when we got the new long term SW he was great and knew my son was in no harm. He very much wanted to keep the family unit together. ( we have now separated after court etc) but I did manage to get my OH home. A national risk assessment was carried out by SS and reviewed at the child protection conference and all agreed than was no risk to my child.
Only going off my experience but :-
1- tell them repeatedly you don't condone what ur OH has done
2- if your OH isn't engaging with stop it now then strongly advise they do. And share this with SS
3 - do the stop in now courses it's a great way to ask questions and get support and try get your head around it alll
4 - just keep things clear to them that ur children are your world and that u know how to protect them.
5 - ask them if you can work up your OH staying one night a week
6 - ask why risk assessment method they are using? And if they can complete one?
hope this helps
x
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Iv currently stopped talking to the kids dad ( my choice for mh reasons) since they were taken off cp I have always never understood why they tell you what you want to hear to wen u act on if u were doing contact wen not allowed to be looking at the hope kids can see thier dad I don't know how long the process is going to be it was of June 14th 2022 he was arrested and was told by the sw that cps was my only option.... having a 20month old not seeing him as my 11yo ( 17yo iv left his dission on his own choice) are high risk of his discovered filth on his phones cat A so I'm less rushing around for he should be punished but sometimes it feels like the ending isn't happy ever after I'll never go bk to him but his kids didn't ask for this.... but I'm without a sw again not bothered but feel like I'm almost in a trap awaiting for them to catch me with him when I wouldn't but it's always a simple when is it going on so long it's loneliness that is my struggle