Suicide risk
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I know no one can give me the answer but I'm so stuck on what to do.
My other half is in court in early November.
I have a 13-year-old daughter who if she is sent to school will no doubt be in a state all day wondering if the morning was the last time she will see him as he could go to prison. She will probably end up feeling sick with worry and wanting to come home even more. And then I have a partner who has bipolar along with other mental health conditions and has already tried to commit suicide several times, last attempt he ended up in hospital for 2 days and was unable to fully speak from all the drugs he'd taken. He will be catching a train to court as he uses a work van and can't drive it and leave it there if he does go to prison. I don't doubt that he will think about stepping in front of the train on the way there and/or home. He needs a DBS for his job as an electrician, he is very good at his job, very liked and well known and he will lose his job and become homeless as he has no family, no parents or siblings or anyone. He might not go to prison but then he could kill himself.
What the hell shall I do (crying as I type this) if he doesn't go to prison how will he survive the journey home without me there to stop him killing himself!
My other half is in court in early November.
I have a 13-year-old daughter who if she is sent to school will no doubt be in a state all day wondering if the morning was the last time she will see him as he could go to prison. She will probably end up feeling sick with worry and wanting to come home even more. And then I have a partner who has bipolar along with other mental health conditions and has already tried to commit suicide several times, last attempt he ended up in hospital for 2 days and was unable to fully speak from all the drugs he'd taken. He will be catching a train to court as he uses a work van and can't drive it and leave it there if he does go to prison. I don't doubt that he will think about stepping in front of the train on the way there and/or home. He needs a DBS for his job as an electrician, he is very good at his job, very liked and well known and he will lose his job and become homeless as he has no family, no parents or siblings or anyone. He might not go to prison but then he could kill himself.
What the hell shall I do (crying as I type this) if he doesn't go to prison how will he survive the journey home without me there to stop him killing himself!
Have you or you OH approached the local crisis team. My OH walked into his gp surgery as he was feeling suicidal. They immediately got a crisis team to evaluate him and see what help they can give. I dont know if this will help your OH.
Hi SadAndWorried, having read your post I wanted to reach out to you even though I don't have any answers for you. You are dealing with so much worry at the moment for both your daughter and your OH. Is the court some distance from where your OH is living? If it's not too far, would you be able to pick him up after sentencing and drive him home? I am trying to think of options that I can suggest for you but am struggling. The other thing I wondered is if your local NHS mental health service have volunteers. If they do, would they be able to accompany your husband to court?
I very much hope others on here will have more ideas to help you. Sending you a big virtual hug and lots of support.
I very much hope others on here will have more ideas to help you. Sending you a big virtual hug and lots of support.
Hi Web89. The crisis team have worked with him before but if was very quick and he was in no way ready to be left to his own devices to survive. I will contact them again tomorrow and his GP as I have access to his medical records and have written permission from my OH to speak to his doctor on his behalf.
Thank you for your help. I really appreciate you replying xx
Thank you for your help. I really appreciate you replying xx
Hi Ocean,
Unfortunately, I do not drive and it's 40-odd minutes on the train.
Your suggestion is what I hoped for, for some professional or team to be able to organise safe transport for him but at the same time what team are going to travel and sit around waiting to see if he returns? I hope so much there is a solution to this. I also know of I go with him, to all professions I will look like she is not my priority.
Thank you for your kind words and advice. xx
Unfortunately, I do not drive and it's 40-odd minutes on the train.
Your suggestion is what I hoped for, for some professional or team to be able to organise safe transport for him but at the same time what team are going to travel and sit around waiting to see if he returns? I hope so much there is a solution to this. I also know of I go with him, to all professions I will look like she is not my priority.
Thank you for your kind words and advice. xx
Hi Sadandworried I just want to reassure you that by going with him you are not jeopardising anything in terms of other professional involvement
You don't need to say you went in support and implying you don't think he's done anything wrong, you can say you went because you were concerned for his safety and wanted to ensure he had the necessary support
You can also say you simply went because you wanted to hear for yourself the charges and outcome, as simple as that
I also second contacting the crisis team. And in the meantime reassuring him that he is important and he is loved and he is more valuable to you and everyone else by staying and seeing it through. That this is a bump in the road but that everything is temporary and life can recover and be good again
You don't need to say you went in support and implying you don't think he's done anything wrong, you can say you went because you were concerned for his safety and wanted to ensure he had the necessary support
You can also say you simply went because you wanted to hear for yourself the charges and outcome, as simple as that
I also second contacting the crisis team. And in the meantime reassuring him that he is important and he is loved and he is more valuable to you and everyone else by staying and seeing it through. That this is a bump in the road but that everything is temporary and life can recover and be good again
Inthemoment,
Thank you for your advice and recommendations regarding my wording with professionals. That is helpful and I will be taking your advice. I felt completely pressured into most things with my interaction over a year with ss, it felt very tick-boxy (visit every 6 weeks, complete safety booklet with daughter then convince me to say some things so they could close the case) and there was absolutely no support for me. I did fight and win some things with lots of help from others and those wins did very much make things better. It was very much implied that if I said what they wanted to hear they would leave us alone which was what I was desperate for so I ended up saying I ended my relationship with my OH and now at some point if he makes it through this I need to go back in my words and be questioned over them. I should have just told the truth.
The last bit you wrote made me cry, kind of happy tears. He is so very loved! I will again take some of your words to my next attempt to reassure him.
Thank you xx
Thank you for your advice and recommendations regarding my wording with professionals. That is helpful and I will be taking your advice. I felt completely pressured into most things with my interaction over a year with ss, it felt very tick-boxy (visit every 6 weeks, complete safety booklet with daughter then convince me to say some things so they could close the case) and there was absolutely no support for me. I did fight and win some things with lots of help from others and those wins did very much make things better. It was very much implied that if I said what they wanted to hear they would leave us alone which was what I was desperate for so I ended up saying I ended my relationship with my OH and now at some point if he makes it through this I need to go back in my words and be questioned over them. I should have just told the truth.
The last bit you wrote made me cry, kind of happy tears. He is so very loved! I will again take some of your words to my next attempt to reassure him.
Thank you xx
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Every court should have a Liaison and Diversion team, whose job is to help people with mental health condtions, who are going through the criminal justice system.
Unfortunately its one of those services that works differently in each area of the country, so getting in contact with them can be tricky. Start by checking with your local NHS trust, to see what they offer in your area.
Unfortunately its one of those services that works differently in each area of the country, so getting in contact with them can be tricky. Start by checking with your local NHS trust, to see what they offer in your area.