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Hello everyone I'm new here.
I feel this is a place I need to be as you all seem so understanding and helpful to each other which is heartwarming. My son is in prison and was all over the media. I think because the P word was mentioned no one has ever reached out to me to ask if I'm ok or if I need any help or support. I have had counselling through of all this but don't feel I've moved on at all. I do have a few people in my life who care about me but don't really want to talk about it and always change the subject if I bring it up. It's a very lonely journey all of this. My question is did anyone reach out to you? Did they support you in anyway or did you have to find that support yourself. Thanks for reading
I feel this is a place I need to be as you all seem so understanding and helpful to each other which is heartwarming. My son is in prison and was all over the media. I think because the P word was mentioned no one has ever reached out to me to ask if I'm ok or if I need any help or support. I have had counselling through of all this but don't feel I've moved on at all. I do have a few people in my life who care about me but don't really want to talk about it and always change the subject if I bring it up. It's a very lonely journey all of this. My question is did anyone reach out to you? Did they support you in anyway or did you have to find that support yourself. Thanks for reading
Hello Sugar,
I'm so sorry to hear about your son. You are definitely not alone.
In my case I also found a deafening silence from those around me. It's the thing I still find the most difficult. I do however have a couple of good friends who listen to me so I will be eternally grateful to them.
I think a lot of the time it's because people just don't know what to say, but of course there's also the fear that they hate us because of what they've heard.
Coming here and finding non judgmental support is an absolute life saver. xx
I'm so sorry to hear about your son. You are definitely not alone.
In my case I also found a deafening silence from those around me. It's the thing I still find the most difficult. I do however have a couple of good friends who listen to me so I will be eternally grateful to them.
I think a lot of the time it's because people just don't know what to say, but of course there's also the fear that they hate us because of what they've heard.
Coming here and finding non judgmental support is an absolute life saver. xx
Hi sugar,
Im in a similar situation however It is my partner who is in prison, we too went through the media trauma but I found our work colleagues (we worked together) reached out to me over my own family. People in my extended family I thought cared about me all talked about it behind my back, then went silent and cut me off, not asking if I was okay. Although hurt by it I do understand it’s not something everyone wants to talk about, I’ve tried to not take it personally but it can be hard.
It is a very lonely journey and I do feel like I’m supporting myself a lot of the time, I rarely talk to anyone about it anymore. I too have been doing regular counselling since my partner has been in prison and have found I’m still struggling to move on from it, I’m almost 5 years into this journey (4 years waiting for sentencing and 9 months into prison sentence) I’m hoping it will just take time.
Reaching out on here is a brilliant step to getting some support and feeling a lot less alone, there are amazing, understanding individuals on this forum who have amazing advice and even just reading through peoples posts makes you feel seen as a lot of us have had similar experiences on this journey. I don’t post on here very often but I do come on when I feel like I’m on my own and no one understands, so I do really encourage you to reach out if you want to talk xx
Im in a similar situation however It is my partner who is in prison, we too went through the media trauma but I found our work colleagues (we worked together) reached out to me over my own family. People in my extended family I thought cared about me all talked about it behind my back, then went silent and cut me off, not asking if I was okay. Although hurt by it I do understand it’s not something everyone wants to talk about, I’ve tried to not take it personally but it can be hard.
It is a very lonely journey and I do feel like I’m supporting myself a lot of the time, I rarely talk to anyone about it anymore. I too have been doing regular counselling since my partner has been in prison and have found I’m still struggling to move on from it, I’m almost 5 years into this journey (4 years waiting for sentencing and 9 months into prison sentence) I’m hoping it will just take time.
Reaching out on here is a brilliant step to getting some support and feeling a lot less alone, there are amazing, understanding individuals on this forum who have amazing advice and even just reading through peoples posts makes you feel seen as a lot of us have had similar experiences on this journey. I don’t post on here very often but I do come on when I feel like I’m on my own and no one understands, so I do really encourage you to reach out if you want to talk xx
Thank you all so much for your replies. I think maybe you're right about people not knowing what to say but I do feel everyone hates me now. I've thought about it a lot and I know if this was something that had happened to any of my friends or family, I definitely would have been there for them or at least sent a message to show that I care. I feel my whole situation has been made worse by the silence.
I must say I'm glad I've found this forum. I think it's going to be helpful for me, It's been a long lonely journey so far but thanks again everyone for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it xx
I must say I'm glad I've found this forum. I think it's going to be helpful for me, It's been a long lonely journey so far but thanks again everyone for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it xx
Sorry to hear your story
I've had lots of support. Still very early into this but my friends and my sister have been amazing. People who know at work are also supportive but I'm finding the odd little slip from people now. Little comments about him now and again so I'm just being careful what I'm saying to people x
I've had lots of support. Still very early into this but my friends and my sister have been amazing. People who know at work are also supportive but I'm finding the odd little slip from people now. Little comments about him now and again so I'm just being careful what I'm saying to people x
Evening Sugar
So sorry that your son is in prison, my son is also serving a custodial sentance so I understand how you must be feeling x
There are a few mums here and also partners that are in the same situation as you so you have definitely arrived in a place here where you will have understanding and support
No matter if they are in prison or not we all have the same thing in common so never feel that you are alone as we are all here to help xx
So sorry that your son is in prison, my son is also serving a custodial sentance so I understand how you must be feeling x
There are a few mums here and also partners that are in the same situation as you so you have definitely arrived in a place here where you will have understanding and support
No matter if they are in prison or not we all have the same thing in common so never feel that you are alone as we are all here to help xx
Hello Sugar.....
The loneliness is dreadful, you can be in a room full of people yet feel so isolated and alone as you wrestle with your overflowing emotions. I really don't know how I'd have coped without the support I've had from the ladies on the forum.
I got support from my side of the family, neighbours. Friends a mixed bag really. I soon learnt some genuinely cared, some plain nosey!
Keep strong keep posting, here to private message if you need to x
The loneliness is dreadful, you can be in a room full of people yet feel so isolated and alone as you wrestle with your overflowing emotions. I really don't know how I'd have coped without the support I've had from the ladies on the forum.
I got support from my side of the family, neighbours. Friends a mixed bag really. I soon learnt some genuinely cared, some plain nosey!
Keep strong keep posting, here to private message if you need to x
Hi Sugar,
I have a couple of lovely friends and a cousin who understand and have been amazing, and although I blurted it out to them in the early days I haven't regretted it. I did overshare with two new friends (we've only lived in our current home for 2 years) and one has been amazing whilst for the other......she went AWOL for ages and has recently text me asking general 'how are you?' questions but I'm not sure I want to reply. I never tell anyone now.
My main problem is that our son (the offender) has been in a dreadfully coercive and controlling marriage with many problems over the years and when I mention to people that he's now living with us as his marriage is over, they all praise him for having been patient for so long in the face of so much abuse, for the sake of his children who he basically brought up from babyhood, but well done for having the courage to care for his own mental health now, etc etc and i feel dreadful as although all that is true he is certainly totally in the wrong for his offences which I certainly don't minimise. And however I feel about his ex it seems wrong to let her be totally blamed for the marriage break down. But I've learnt to just agree and don't feel like a hypocrite any more. If they discover the true reason he's now living with us then I'll deal with that then. I'm hoping people will understand why I haven't been totally truthful.
And likewise my guilt at being relieved that he's free of the relationship, until I remember what he's done, the victims and what his actions might mean for his future, and the effect on his children in the future and how he will cope when they have been his life until now......and on and on it goes!!!!!
I have a couple of lovely friends and a cousin who understand and have been amazing, and although I blurted it out to them in the early days I haven't regretted it. I did overshare with two new friends (we've only lived in our current home for 2 years) and one has been amazing whilst for the other......she went AWOL for ages and has recently text me asking general 'how are you?' questions but I'm not sure I want to reply. I never tell anyone now.
My main problem is that our son (the offender) has been in a dreadfully coercive and controlling marriage with many problems over the years and when I mention to people that he's now living with us as his marriage is over, they all praise him for having been patient for so long in the face of so much abuse, for the sake of his children who he basically brought up from babyhood, but well done for having the courage to care for his own mental health now, etc etc and i feel dreadful as although all that is true he is certainly totally in the wrong for his offences which I certainly don't minimise. And however I feel about his ex it seems wrong to let her be totally blamed for the marriage break down. But I've learnt to just agree and don't feel like a hypocrite any more. If they discover the true reason he's now living with us then I'll deal with that then. I'm hoping people will understand why I haven't been totally truthful.
And likewise my guilt at being relieved that he's free of the relationship, until I remember what he's done, the victims and what his actions might mean for his future, and the effect on his children in the future and how he will cope when they have been his life until now......and on and on it goes!!!!!
When I was struggling to find a support group I was signposted from this group to Talking Forward who provide a twice monthly support group via Microsoft teams. I'm not sure if that's the type of thing you are looking for but I've found it very helpful.