Am I mad?
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I don't know what I feel right now. Am I mad?
I met and fell in love with a really nice guy last year, after a horrendous marriage break up after which i thought I'd never love again. I then found out about my new partners past and was completely shocked. It was too late though I couldn't turn my back as I had fallen for him and don't want to let go of that. However, I'm struggling with what he did, why did he do it? Will he do it again? I have all these questions and feel like I am going mad. Only one friend knows and she doesn't judge me at all but I know that everyone else I tell will, especially my ex when it comes to my kids. I know he will try and take them away from me. Don't get me wrong, even though I have strong feelings for this man my children will always come first. He has not met them and not sure he will. It's like I'm living a double life.
Am i going mad? All I want is to be happy. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I met and fell in love with a really nice guy last year, after a horrendous marriage break up after which i thought I'd never love again. I then found out about my new partners past and was completely shocked. It was too late though I couldn't turn my back as I had fallen for him and don't want to let go of that. However, I'm struggling with what he did, why did he do it? Will he do it again? I have all these questions and feel like I am going mad. Only one friend knows and she doesn't judge me at all but I know that everyone else I tell will, especially my ex when it comes to my kids. I know he will try and take them away from me. Don't get me wrong, even though I have strong feelings for this man my children will always come first. He has not met them and not sure he will. It's like I'm living a double life.
Am i going mad? All I want is to be happy. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
Hi Lucy
Goodness that's a lot to take on.
Firstly I would ask if he had got help with his problem at all or just fine what he was told too because he had to? I think that's really important to know.
Secondly, do people have to know? Isn't he about 7 years in? Why do you have to let them know unless he has restrictions around children that would affect them. Don't get me wrong I'm not telling you to lie but if he's received help and that is still ongoing then that's a real positive.
Has he been honest with you over his offenses? The thinking about it, for me anyway, stays with you, I often wonder why, what he could have got out of it, why couldn't he see how bloody wrong it was, I think these thoughts will stay with me for a long long while and I'll never get the answer because my husband wouldn't know the truth of it smacked him in the face!
There are many women in this forum who have stayed with their partner/husband and have made it work.
Don't feel bad about the thoughts and yes, maybe it isn't the right time to introduce him to your children but go with your gut feeling, it doesn't tend to be wrong.
Much love xx
Goodness that's a lot to take on.
Firstly I would ask if he had got help with his problem at all or just fine what he was told too because he had to? I think that's really important to know.
Secondly, do people have to know? Isn't he about 7 years in? Why do you have to let them know unless he has restrictions around children that would affect them. Don't get me wrong I'm not telling you to lie but if he's received help and that is still ongoing then that's a real positive.
Has he been honest with you over his offenses? The thinking about it, for me anyway, stays with you, I often wonder why, what he could have got out of it, why couldn't he see how bloody wrong it was, I think these thoughts will stay with me for a long long while and I'll never get the answer because my husband wouldn't know the truth of it smacked him in the face!
There are many women in this forum who have stayed with their partner/husband and have made it work.
Don't feel bad about the thoughts and yes, maybe it isn't the right time to introduce him to your children but go with your gut feeling, it doesn't tend to be wrong.
Much love xx
Hi Tracey
Thank you for responding.
He has done courses but only the ones in prison. I hasn't done any since his release 5 years ago (7 years since the offence). I don't think he had the support network around him to help him realise this was important. He's just kept his head down and got on with things. I have told him that if we are to have a future together he does need to get some more help and we are looking at courses.
He does have restrictions around children and is not allowed to see mine. This could possibly change in the future but it's a no right now and there is no guarantee that it will. So it's not an easy relationship as we can't see each other as much as we'd want.
I won't tell anyone else right now but if he does end up meeting my children then I've been told their father must be told, which is all well and good but he is not a reasonable man and would cause so much trouble and make the whole situation worse and he would tell the rest of the family and try and take my children from me.
I have talked to him about how I'm feeling and asked those questions but he does find it difficult to talk about because he is so utterly ashamed of what he did. It just doesn't make those questions or worries go away.
It is so hard.
Thank you for responding.
He has done courses but only the ones in prison. I hasn't done any since his release 5 years ago (7 years since the offence). I don't think he had the support network around him to help him realise this was important. He's just kept his head down and got on with things. I have told him that if we are to have a future together he does need to get some more help and we are looking at courses.
He does have restrictions around children and is not allowed to see mine. This could possibly change in the future but it's a no right now and there is no guarantee that it will. So it's not an easy relationship as we can't see each other as much as we'd want.
I won't tell anyone else right now but if he does end up meeting my children then I've been told their father must be told, which is all well and good but he is not a reasonable man and would cause so much trouble and make the whole situation worse and he would tell the rest of the family and try and take my children from me.
I have talked to him about how I'm feeling and asked those questions but he does find it difficult to talk about because he is so utterly ashamed of what he did. It just doesn't make those questions or worries go away.
It is so hard.
Hi Lucy
I would definitely encourage him to do some more courses, I don't think they are cheap but you can't really put a monetary value on getting help.
Lucy faithful and saferlives do courses, there must be more elsewhere and perhaps his probation officer would be able to help him.
It's a horrible situation but you're doing really well and at least he was honest early on, that must have taken some courage, for now forget about your ex is not an issue, concentrate on what is.
I can understand him not wanting to talk about it but if that's not helping you then he needs to understand you need to know
Take care xx
I would definitely encourage him to do some more courses, I don't think they are cheap but you can't really put a monetary value on getting help.
Lucy faithful and saferlives do courses, there must be more elsewhere and perhaps his probation officer would be able to help him.
It's a horrible situation but you're doing really well and at least he was honest early on, that must have taken some courage, for now forget about your ex is not an issue, concentrate on what is.
I can understand him not wanting to talk about it but if that's not helping you then he needs to understand you need to know
Take care xx
Hi Tracey,
Thank you so much for your reply. I can't tell you how much it helps to talk about this to someone and know I won't be judged.
I hope you are ok too. X
Thank you so much for your reply. I can't tell you how much it helps to talk about this to someone and know I won't be judged.
I hope you are ok too. X