Family and Friends Forum

Feel free to message me you are not alone xxx

Hi Webb - I feel for you and I'm listening here, we all are. Those first few months are agony as you feel an emotional and physical wreck - the pain is immense ( I know I've never felt so desperate in my life) when my son was 'caught'.
I'm usually a happy positive person but I felt the carpet had been dragged away from under my feet and I had no strength to get myself up.

I understand your feelings are mixed up. I detest what my son did but I love the rest of him as a person, yes you feel torn as a lot of people refuse to see it like that. It's all so horrible and draining.

I don't think you ever 'get over' it and it's took me hell of a long time to feel some kinda normal with blips...... so let time pass, don't let these feelings drown you. Do whatever makes you feel stronger/happier and try to focus and build on that. You matter too :-)

keep going my lovely x

Webb x

You know you can reach out to me if you ever need to even just to talk xx

Hugs as always x

I'm only five weeks into this and have those thoughts. Why does it seem like everyone has got what I had but don't anymore. They might seem like they do but I guess a lot of people are dealing with something that no-one is aware of. Doesn't take away your feelings though and sometimes we put on a brave face so people think we're ok. Also, life goes on around us. You're not being a downer you're just getting it off your chest ...which is a good thing :) xx

You're not alone you've got all us behind you. Let those friends go if they won't make the effort to see you, now is the time to try and meet new people who know nothing of what you've been through. Xx

Hi Webb, I'm pleased you are feeling slightly better today. I am in a very similar situation in regards to friends not contacting me but I have now come to realise that it is more to do with their own personality types that what has happened in my life. They all have their own problems whether that be health, finance etc. I've also realised that the people I would call good friends are all introverts and happy in their own company. This means they don't see the need to contact me to make arrangements to do something but are happy to see me if I organise a catch up.
I am sorry you feel lonely and I'm sorry things are not great for you at the moment. We are all here to listen though and to support you through the difficult days.

Hi Webb,

Sending love to you and glad to hear you feel a little better. Just to add another perspective and as someone who suffers terribly with rejection sensitivity, have things definitely changed from how they used to be with friends? Did they used to be the ones to reach out first? Perhaps they feel they are giving you space now the dust has settled a bit or have things going on themselves that are occupying their minds. Of course we know our situations better than anyone else but thought it was worth maybe having another think about things and reaching out to try and arrange something to see if you're correct in your gut feeling. My rule in life is I will never ask more than twice when it comes to social plans, one time I will put the offer there and I'll then ask again in case it slipped their mind but there will never be a third!

One thing I learnt about this journey is that we never truly know what is going on in people's personal lives and as someone who didn't tell anyone and prefers to always keep my business to myself, sometimes distance or not hearing from people is because they're trying to stay afloat themselves. Not always the case as people want to distance themselves from us without being vocal about it but it's hard to know for sure.



I hope everyone is okay <3

I also found that friends (ex work colleagues) got in touch with me when they heard what had happened. Subsequently we have reformed our friendship and meet for lunch.

I know I can trust them, they have problems too - not quite as dramatic as mine - but am Confident my story is safe with them. It does help to talk to someone on the outside of family. They don't judge and are extremely supportive.

They say some good comes out of everything and although what my son did blasted through and nearly destroyed my family - positive life changes have definitely occurred .

Hi Webb, I'm so sorry you've been feeling like this, but I can promise you that we've all been there. Is it possible that you're reading too much into your friends lack of effort? It's very likely that they've their own stuff going on. I found that after I told my friends about what had happened me, they were reluctant to confide in me about their problems because they seemed so petty compared to what I was going through, even though to them they were all consuming.
You will be happy again, but you have to learn to allow yourself to be happy. Start a gratitude practice, find 5-10 things every day to be grateful for and write them down. Once you start to notice how many good things are in your life you will notice your mood improve. Start with your partner, and what qualities he has that you're truly grateful for. The more you focus on what's good, the more you get, It might sound a bit out there, but speaking from experience it definitely helps. Xx