Emotionally struggling
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Hi been a while since been on here.
Hope you all coping as well as you can.
We had the knock aug 2022, turned world upside done. Oh had to move out as had children under 18 in house. He has since got a flat. Has supervised contact with our children. Thought he had been totally honest about everything. He has his plea hearing couple of weeks ago. Had to sign sex offenders register and waiting to here pre sentencing date at crown. Since then the social worker has told me he hasnt been honest with me n needs to tell me something as i have been supporting him through all of this. She cant tell me and it needs to come from him. I have been asking him to be honest as thats the least he can do he is saying he doesnt know what she is going on about. He has hasnt been messaging me either its messing with my head all sorts going through it its like mush and really struggling tbh. What can be so bad surely i know all the worst of it. If he doesnt tell me im going to see if claire's law will disclose it. Would rather here it from him. Am i being taken for a mug as all ive done is think of my kids, helping supporting them and helping and supporting him and putting his welfare n feelings above mine n now i feel like im breaking. Im already on anti depressants have been since march. Do i see gp and maybe get them upped or do i struggle on. I just dont know what to do anymore.
Hope you all coping as well as you can.
We had the knock aug 2022, turned world upside done. Oh had to move out as had children under 18 in house. He has since got a flat. Has supervised contact with our children. Thought he had been totally honest about everything. He has his plea hearing couple of weeks ago. Had to sign sex offenders register and waiting to here pre sentencing date at crown. Since then the social worker has told me he hasnt been honest with me n needs to tell me something as i have been supporting him through all of this. She cant tell me and it needs to come from him. I have been asking him to be honest as thats the least he can do he is saying he doesnt know what she is going on about. He has hasnt been messaging me either its messing with my head all sorts going through it its like mush and really struggling tbh. What can be so bad surely i know all the worst of it. If he doesnt tell me im going to see if claire's law will disclose it. Would rather here it from him. Am i being taken for a mug as all ive done is think of my kids, helping supporting them and helping and supporting him and putting his welfare n feelings above mine n now i feel like im breaking. Im already on anti depressants have been since march. Do i see gp and maybe get them upped or do i struggle on. I just dont know what to do anymore.
Sorry to hear you are struggling. Do you have anyone you can talk to?
Thankfully I don't have to deal with SS so I can't advise you but it seems unfair of them to tell you your OH is not being honest if they can't give you details. That's bound to cause you worry. xx
Thankfully I don't have to deal with SS so I can't advise you but it seems unfair of them to tell you your OH is not being honest if they can't give you details. That's bound to cause you worry. xx
Hi jenjo hope you are ok?
Thank you for your reply, i do have my parents for support as ive been totally honest with them during this. They are very supportive of me but unfortunatly emmigrated 8yrs ago so is harder over phone.
I just feel very lost at the moment.
Thank you for your reply, i do have my parents for support as ive been totally honest with them during this. They are very supportive of me but unfortunatly emmigrated 8yrs ago so is harder over phone.
I just feel very lost at the moment.
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Good advice BlueSky. Can I ask, was your counselling on the phone or in person?
I'm thinking of self referring but I'm not keen on phone counselling.
I'm thinking of self referring but I'm not keen on phone counselling.
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Your social worker can ask your partners consent to share everything she knows with you...that way if he truly doesn't know what she's talking about you you can both learn together, and if he refuses consent you know he's got something to hide x
It's defo worth both of you being there with the social worker and asking for that disclosure of what she feels he is not being honest about then there are no discrepancies. The SW in my case wrote things which were not true alluding to risk however when challenged she stated oh you weren't meant to know that! Ie it was a decoy she made out it was a child! Unfortunitey I think they will use this to try and illicit a reaction from you! Which already appears to be working.
Our social worker said exactly the same, it wasn't long after that I was in his solicitors office looking through the evidence and going over the details that it became apparent that I did already know everything.
He had agreed to give me full disclosure from the start but the sw kept telling me he's removed it because the police said to the sw they wouldn't share info with me but the police can't share it's all done via the solicitor so as soon as they had the evidence in hand I had an appointment to go through it.
He had agreed to give me full disclosure from the start but the sw kept telling me he's removed it because the police said to the sw they wouldn't share info with me but the police can't share it's all done via the solicitor so as soon as they had the evidence in hand I had an appointment to go through it.
Thank you everyone for your help support and your experiences and advice certainly a lot to think about, and options open for talking. Im going to see a friend today and talk things through with her.
Update.
Social worker was right he wasnt telling me something. Finally after 2 weeks of keep asking him he told me. He knew all along what it was and he said was scared of losing me. It wasnt connected to the case, but she thought i had a right to know as was supporting him through all of this. A tiny part of me now feels relieved that he has finally told me (a very tiny tiny part). However saying that im now totally devestated and my trust in him has been totally ruined. I cant see a way forward for us as a couple, he knows he has done wrong, yet i feel he is still just thinking of himself.
Ive told him i need to put my children and myself first.
I saw a friend and confided in her she has been and is extremly supportive. She doesnt know what he was keeping from me as i only found out last night, but i will talk things through with her as soon as able to.
Hope every1 is looking after themselves after all we have done nothing wrong and are not to blame and have to tell remind ourselves of this.
Social worker was right he wasnt telling me something. Finally after 2 weeks of keep asking him he told me. He knew all along what it was and he said was scared of losing me. It wasnt connected to the case, but she thought i had a right to know as was supporting him through all of this. A tiny part of me now feels relieved that he has finally told me (a very tiny tiny part). However saying that im now totally devestated and my trust in him has been totally ruined. I cant see a way forward for us as a couple, he knows he has done wrong, yet i feel he is still just thinking of himself.
Ive told him i need to put my children and myself first.
I saw a friend and confided in her she has been and is extremly supportive. She doesnt know what he was keeping from me as i only found out last night, but i will talk things through with her as soon as able to.
Hope every1 is looking after themselves after all we have done nothing wrong and are not to blame and have to tell remind ourselves of this.
Omg gosh what a shock for you . Glad you have a friend for support plus we are all here for you . I know it hurts like hell right now but I promise, with selfcare you'll get better x
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Thank you for your replies.
I really dont know how i can get through this. Only 1 word to describe me and thats broken
This is not me im such a strong person.
I really dont know how i can get through this. Only 1 word to describe me and thats broken
This is not me im such a strong person.
Hugs to you xxx
Topsy,
At least you know now. I always think it's the wondering that is the worst. Just take one day at a time.
I'm really pleased your friend is being supportive. Needing help does not mean you're not strong. Look how far you've come already xx
At least you know now. I always think it's the wondering that is the worst. Just take one day at a time.
I'm really pleased your friend is being supportive. Needing help does not mean you're not strong. Look how far you've come already xx
I'm so sorry to know how broken you feel. My heart goes out to you and I only wish there was something I could say to help you. The awful thing about this nightmare of a journey is that just when you think you've reached rock bottom you find there is still another layer to get through. The best thing about rock bottom though is the rock part. You discover the solid bit of you and realise you're stronger than you thought.
Sending you hugs and support.
Sending you hugs and support.