Family and Friends Forum

This all started for us over 2 years ago. Our house was raided and all of our phones, tablets, laptops were seized and checked onsite. At the time I had no clue what was going on, but both myself and husband were every bit suspects as my son. They took his laptop away and told us a cat c image was found - we were devastated but he was never arrested or formally charged. It deeply affected my relationship with my son who has both learning difficulties and Aspergers. I tried to balance telling him off with educating him. But it was destroying our relationship and he tried to take his life. He disappeared and there was a massive search. He was eventually found and spent some time in hospital. I vowed then I wouldn't give him a hard time about it. Then a year ago he was summoned to court and charged. There was a lot if issues and complications. Anyway eventually he was up at court last week. I didnt go, I couldn't. My husband however did. But he couldn't hear all that was said. My son was then put on register but sentence has been deferred for social reports. I still at this stage thought it was one image category c. Woke up yesterday morning to messages saying they had seen the newspaper - I had no idea so I read article and they are calling him all sorts of names have put my address and his new address (he moved out a year ago) fortunately I have now moved too but not out of area. Anyway the paper reportedly was hundreds of deleted videos and category a images.i am devastated, I run a wellbeing centre and my don worked with me. So have a lot if people feeling let down. I have closed the centre and am shutting it down as of tonight. I am torn between supporting my son and hating him. He is not opening up to me, but has said he will have to move back home as he us unsafe. They got his photo in paper. I dont feel. I can say no, but I feel it will destroy me. He is vulnerable - I feel I have lost him and am grieving who I thought he was.

Thank you, to find a support group with people who fully understand is such a relief. I have kept it yo myself.all this time. So its good to put it out there. Thank you for your reply. The emotional rollercoaster is hard to cope with, but I feel a bit better knowing this group is here

Thank you all. I have been offline because my son attempted to take his life. He is physically ok and now back living with me for the time being. It is so hard. He was assessed by mental health crisis team and they advised he go up his GP and let him home. To me he is still a risk to himself - what he done was 2.5 years ago and he was particularly stressed, not excusing his action but he assures me he has no interest in doing anything like that again. But that he can't live with the fact that he has.

Yes I feel guilt, among a whole host of other emotions. Every day seems a new rollercoaster, I want to help him, I feel sorry for him, I wonder what I could have done differently, I enjoy spending time with him, I cant bare the sight of him, I love him, I hate him, I want to be the best mother I can be for him. It is driving me mad. I know I need to practice self care but I dont know how to at this moment.

My husband is his step dad and has been amazing with his support and considering when we got the knock he too was under suspicion because the police only knew it had happened at our address and my son lived with us then. He has always been kind to my son, and tries to help. He went to court with him and solicitors etc. But he is tired of it all know and he doesn't want him to live with us which is understandable. However my son needs my support too. He has no one else.

My husband told me that he cant continue like this and if my son stays then he will leave. He says the stress is too much.

The impact has been huge but it has to get easier at some point - thank you for listening