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Hello
so it has now been 11 months since the knock. To be honest i am having my hardest time now, i thought it was gonna be worst at the very beginning But no.. Before the knock i will say i was a very positive woman, always saw the best in anyone. Now i am the opposite, i am so so angry and bitter, its mean and i hate it. I walk with my person and my two kids, seeing a family of 4, thinking "haha that will not last, just wait til he messes up everything and betray you like mine did"
And even "I hope that man does the same to you like mine did to me and my kids"
its like my mind is so evil and bitter. This is not who i am / was. I dont like this version of me. I just think this is my reaction to everything that has happened.. Why couldnt i just be the young Mom with my beautiful kids and husband, the dream life that i have always wanted.. I so poorly want to be proud of my man, i have always been. Now i just feel like an empty shell. I have lost who i was. And i love him so so so much, but i have been trying so hard for my kids and for him to stay in this relationship, but my head doesnt let me.. But i am still in it, and really do not know what to do.
i dont know what i wanted with this post, i guess i just wanted to put all my thougths and feelings out somewhere. And i want to let you know that if you also feel this way, you are not alone. I never choosed this path, and neither did you.
so it has now been 11 months since the knock. To be honest i am having my hardest time now, i thought it was gonna be worst at the very beginning But no.. Before the knock i will say i was a very positive woman, always saw the best in anyone. Now i am the opposite, i am so so angry and bitter, its mean and i hate it. I walk with my person and my two kids, seeing a family of 4, thinking "haha that will not last, just wait til he messes up everything and betray you like mine did"
And even "I hope that man does the same to you like mine did to me and my kids"
its like my mind is so evil and bitter. This is not who i am / was. I dont like this version of me. I just think this is my reaction to everything that has happened.. Why couldnt i just be the young Mom with my beautiful kids and husband, the dream life that i have always wanted.. I so poorly want to be proud of my man, i have always been. Now i just feel like an empty shell. I have lost who i was. And i love him so so so much, but i have been trying so hard for my kids and for him to stay in this relationship, but my head doesnt let me.. But i am still in it, and really do not know what to do.
i dont know what i wanted with this post, i guess i just wanted to put all my thougths and feelings out somewhere. And i want to let you know that if you also feel this way, you are not alone. I never choosed this path, and neither did you.
None of us chose this path and what you feel is completely understandable. All I can say is that it will get better. Everyone has their own burdens to carry, even if everything looks great to those looking on. This will pass and you will find happiness again, but you have to look for it. The more you focus on something the more you get of it, so please start focusing on the good in your life. Simple things like having a roof over your head or food on your table, a shower in the morning, a warm bed.
Im in no way minimising how you feel because believe me I've been where you are, and I'd imagine everyone on here has been, but that's how I found my way out of it. Everyday I made a list of what I had to be grateful for, and I promise once you start looking you'll be surprised at how much good there is in your life. What's happening now for you is a shit show, there's no denying it, but it won't be forever and you will get through it and you'll be so proud of yourself when you do and you'll feel like nothing can ever stop you, because you came through the worst. Please reach out on here anytime you're having these thoughts, you are not on your own xx
Im in no way minimising how you feel because believe me I've been where you are, and I'd imagine everyone on here has been, but that's how I found my way out of it. Everyday I made a list of what I had to be grateful for, and I promise once you start looking you'll be surprised at how much good there is in your life. What's happening now for you is a shit show, there's no denying it, but it won't be forever and you will get through it and you'll be so proud of yourself when you do and you'll feel like nothing can ever stop you, because you came through the worst. Please reach out on here anytime you're having these thoughts, you are not on your own xx
Hi Cloehelen,
Last week was the 2nd anniversary of the day we had 'the knoock' about our teenage son and we have not had any word from the police since. Apart that is from them calling for a charger for his laptop about 4 months ago. I am too afraid of what I might be told to contact the Gardai, we are in Ireland. You really do have to keep going as you do not know how this is going to work out and it could drag on for many years. I am so afraid he is going to end up going to prison or has destroyed his life forever. It is a dreadful thing that has happened in your life. Life is so short we have to keep going because we will not get this time back.
Virtual hug going your way.
Last week was the 2nd anniversary of the day we had 'the knoock' about our teenage son and we have not had any word from the police since. Apart that is from them calling for a charger for his laptop about 4 months ago. I am too afraid of what I might be told to contact the Gardai, we are in Ireland. You really do have to keep going as you do not know how this is going to work out and it could drag on for many years. I am so afraid he is going to end up going to prison or has destroyed his life forever. It is a dreadful thing that has happened in your life. Life is so short we have to keep going because we will not get this time back.
Virtual hug going your way.