Shock, grief but still love
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It's been 3 days since the knock. First day I was numb, no sleep, work and running on adrenaline. Day 2 I was so angry. How dare he do this. Today, I love him, worries and can't stop crying. He's supported me through so much and now ive left him in the lurch. I have to separate and no contact. In fact I asked for it to be a bail condition. My kids aren't his and they come first. I'm so angry that he's forced me into this position of having to block him, yet last week it was all normal. I miss him, I love him, I'm worried about him. But I can't check if he's okay. Is it wrong to feel like this?
Ur not wrong to feel like this I’m currently watching and trying to support my sons girlfriend go through similar and there is no right or wrong ways to feel, it’s a sudden loss ur going through the grieving process be kind to yourself and take good care of yourself x.
Thank you for your reply and I'm sorry your going through this too. I'm just so confused, and really want to reach out to him. I'm torn. I want to know the circumstances but the police won't advise me of that as it's an ongoing investigation. I understand that. So I want to ask him. But I asked for no contact. I put that in place to protect my children. I know I could never, ever have a relationship with him now because of this. I have been told by ss that there is no evidence of contact and is online activity. However I was shown 2 ordinary pictures of my daughter. Does this mean he fantasised about my girl? She's 12. I can't get my head around this. He was my best friend and although our relationship wasn't perfect, he was the person I turned too. Now I have no one. All I knew is gone and I want answers of what exactly he's accused off. I feel so alone and conflicted because this is the person I love. Could it be a false accusation by someone? I just don't know. I feel so sad and can't wrap my mind around all of this. Thank you for listening.
Hi partner
What your are feeling is totally normal, going from emotion to emotion and back again. After this short time you must still be in shock and not really knowing what is going on.
As my husband and I split early on in the process I was never told what he had been charged with, due to data protection the police couldn't tell me anything and it was only by going to court that I knew.
However, your such early days the police won't have any answers yet as I'm assuming his equipment has to be sent away first. It is just a waiting game I'm afraid which is awful as your mind will take you all over the place.
Try to look after yourself during your time, it's really important for you and your well-being, perhaps even speak with your GP just so they are aware of the situation. Definitely ring the helpline, they are brilliant and keep coming on here, you will get nothing but support
Take care xx
What your are feeling is totally normal, going from emotion to emotion and back again. After this short time you must still be in shock and not really knowing what is going on.
As my husband and I split early on in the process I was never told what he had been charged with, due to data protection the police couldn't tell me anything and it was only by going to court that I knew.
However, your such early days the police won't have any answers yet as I'm assuming his equipment has to be sent away first. It is just a waiting game I'm afraid which is awful as your mind will take you all over the place.
Try to look after yourself during your time, it's really important for you and your well-being, perhaps even speak with your GP just so they are aware of the situation. Definitely ring the helpline, they are brilliant and keep coming on here, you will get nothing but support
Take care xx
Thank you so much. Xxxx
Hi partner, first of all, everything you’ve said is totally normal. There’s no rule book for how we should feel and how you feel will change day by day, sometimes even hour by hour. I’m 4 months in now and I go in a cycle of anger, grief, crippling fear, anxiety and sadness for the life I’ve lost. You’ll find a way of coping. It won’t be easy, but you’ll get through it. You’ve put your children first, which is the most important thing, so just take it a day at a time. Don’t think about tomorrow, just focus on now. And let yourself feel what you’re feeling; I spent a lot of time in the first couple of weeks trying to hide my feelings away, but it didn’t work.
Sending you massive hugs. Xx
Sending you massive hugs. Xx
Thank you all for your lovely words. I wake up each morning feeling hollow but my children keep me going. We all went to the beach yesterday and had a lovely time. It's getting my head round the fact that the one person I would tell everything too and support me, has caused this. I'm so sorry we are all in this situation. Will the police tell me when they go too court and will it be magestrates or crown? I need to go to find out what exactly he's accused of, or done. Another day further away from the knock. Another day in my new life which has been forced into me, by the man who was supposed to love me.
Hi partner
If your partner gets charged and the CPS agree there is a case against him then he will go to magistrates court first and be referred to crown court.
It depends what he pleads, if he pleads guilty then they will get sentencing reports and then sentence - there is no telling what he will get as there is no consistency throughout the country, if he pleads not guilty then they will set a trial date
Hope that helps you work out what could happen but of course this is very much in the early stages so I'm afraid you have a while to wait!
Xx
If your partner gets charged and the CPS agree there is a case against him then he will go to magistrates court first and be referred to crown court.
It depends what he pleads, if he pleads guilty then they will get sentencing reports and then sentence - there is no telling what he will get as there is no consistency throughout the country, if he pleads not guilty then they will set a trial date
Hope that helps you work out what could happen but of course this is very much in the early stages so I'm afraid you have a while to wait!
Xx
Thank you for your reply :) xx
3 months since we had that knock. I love him terribly still, but each month I seem to find out more and more and I am slowly realising my life was a lie. 20 years is a long time, children too and like you, he got me through a lot. I tried to be supportive, but the more I know, the more I realise I have to cut contact. Breaks my heart, especially for my children. I'm so sorry. X
Thank you Emma.
I'm so sorry for you too. For everyone in this hidious situation. Xxx
I'm so sorry for you too. For everyone in this hidious situation. Xxx