When to leave?
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My boyfriend was arrested 1 year into our relationship. He is currently 'under investigation' and has not told anyone else about this. I've done a lot of research and decided that, although I am very happy with our relationship, I don't see that I can continue with it once he has been through the court process, given how it will affect my life. I would like to get some advice on when to go? I have told him 'I don't know if I can stay' but in the back of my mind I am thinking - IF it doesn't get into the press... IF he keeps his job... IF he doesn't get too long on the SOR... then I could maybe stay... But I know deep down some of these things are unlikely. Even more unlikely is the charges being dropped, but not outside the realms of possibility.
Am I being unfair staying right now? I worry he will harm himself if I go but perhaps I am doing more damage by staying?
Am I being unfair staying right now? I worry he will harm himself if I go but perhaps I am doing more damage by staying?
Hi Unknown 50,
I haven't really got any advice as mine isn't my partner but I wanted to answer as it can be really horrible waititng.
Have you tried calling the helpline? they have been amazing for me and you can talk really openly and freely.
Take care
I haven't really got any advice as mine isn't my partner but I wanted to answer as it can be really horrible waititng.
Have you tried calling the helpline? they have been amazing for me and you can talk really openly and freely.
Take care
Hi,
Things don't always have to be as clean cut as staying or leaving. You can support post sentencing without being in a relationship if you choose to. If things happen that you're not comfortable with then you can walk away. It's perfectly ok to change your mind depending on your own needs at the time xxx
Things don't always have to be as clean cut as staying or leaving. You can support post sentencing without being in a relationship if you choose to. If things happen that you're not comfortable with then you can walk away. It's perfectly ok to change your mind depending on your own needs at the time xxx
Exactly as the previous reply, leaving a relationship doesn't mean walking out on a person entirely.
I ended the relationship with my oh when he admitted guilt, however we are still friends and he comes round regularly to see the kids (I can supervise contact) and we co-parent.
I ended the relationship with my oh when he admitted guilt, however we are still friends and he comes round regularly to see the kids (I can supervise contact) and we co-parent.
thanks for your responses. It's really helpful. I have tried the helpline before yes. I also thought about being friends but I think it would be very hard to not slip back into a relationship if I did that.
Can I also ask, am I right thinking he will definitely lose his job? (he works online but says his laptop has so much company blocking software that police would not look at it).
And I am right thinking the police would come and remove my electronic devices once he is on the register? It is my understanding that he only needs to come to mine more than 7 days in one year for it to go down as his address. The adviceline said they wouldn't touch my devices, but how do they know which are his and which mine? And do they actually search your property for hidden devices?
Also, I was told having his name criminally associated with my property would mean it becomes difficult to sell. Is this true?
Can I also ask, am I right thinking he will definitely lose his job? (he works online but says his laptop has so much company blocking software that police would not look at it).
And I am right thinking the police would come and remove my electronic devices once he is on the register? It is my understanding that he only needs to come to mine more than 7 days in one year for it to go down as his address. The adviceline said they wouldn't touch my devices, but how do they know which are his and which mine? And do they actually search your property for hidden devices?
Also, I was told having his name criminally associated with my property would mean it becomes difficult to sell. Is this true?
Whether he loses his job or not depends on lots of things such as whether he tells them, any media interest, whether he works with vulnerable people
The police took my word for it when I told them which devices were mine
Staying at someone's house for more than 7 nights per year has to be declared for the SOR but does not make it the person's 'main address' - he'd have to declare even if it was a hotel for a holiday etc
The police took my word for it when I told them which devices were mine
Staying at someone's house for more than 7 nights per year has to be declared for the SOR but does not make it the person's 'main address' - he'd have to declare even if it was a hotel for a holiday etc
Unknown,
I feel I can relate to you. I chose to stay and support throughout the journey but would I have stayed if the outcome had been different? I don't think I would. We have no children or ties and the future I plan for myself wouldn't have worked. Who really knows though?! I think it depends on what your partner is facing and obviously the media and stuff tie into it too. It's a difficult decision to make as choosing to stay now may make you regret "wasting time" but equally you may regret walking away. I don't think anyone knows what to do for the best, only with hindsight. Do what makes you happy and is best for you xx
I feel I can relate to you. I chose to stay and support throughout the journey but would I have stayed if the outcome had been different? I don't think I would. We have no children or ties and the future I plan for myself wouldn't have worked. Who really knows though?! I think it depends on what your partner is facing and obviously the media and stuff tie into it too. It's a difficult decision to make as choosing to stay now may make you regret "wasting time" but equally you may regret walking away. I don't think anyone knows what to do for the best, only with hindsight. Do what makes you happy and is best for you xx
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