Worried about the future
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Our knock came in June and like everyone else, my world has been turned upside down! He was arrested for engaging in sexual communication with a child.
I am the mum of 2 beautiful children who are my world, we have had SS involved who are happy I can protect the children and have currently closed the case until the outcome of the investigation.
I have read so many of your stories after only recently finding the forum. I’m away they are helping but also of a huge reality check. We were told by solicitor 12 weeks roughly we would know but Infact from reading here this can be even over a year.
This makes me anxious and how I will continue in this limbo for so long. Today is not a good day I’d say I’m just surviving, but in the whole I try and crack on with things I do try and plan for the future up booking days out and trips for the children, well until the end of the year when my maternity leave is up.
I feel angry and hurt that the rest of my maternity leave is consumed by this whole thing! I now feel scared for my future as currently sticking by my other half/children’s father and the implications this will have for my employment. I have read on here that people have lost their jobs because of what partner/husband has done. My employer is aware of the situation but nothing more has been said as I’m on maternity leave. If anyone can shed any more light I would be more than greatful feeling gutted my hard work could be to waste. Whereas his job is in no way related to children so he can carry on as ‘normal’. Although maybe limited to jobs in the future.
My partner has said he has told me the truth about what has happened but we will have to wait and see, I am of the opinion anyone is capable of anything. Reading one story of what their partner/husband got for a similar matter scares me but I guess the nature of conversation and other factors are always at play.
Trying not to think of court and press etc at the moment, I can escape if needed. I’m just hoping what he’s said is true but since reading even thumbnails or scrolling thru things can count, think this is what I’m worried more about unintentional stuff as this is more grey for me. Just hope he’s telling me the truth otherwise I’ll feel like a proper mug sitting here.
Thank you for reading and feels good to get it off my chest to people who understand. I wish this process wouldn’t take so long! I never thought I would be caught up in this!
I am the mum of 2 beautiful children who are my world, we have had SS involved who are happy I can protect the children and have currently closed the case until the outcome of the investigation.
I have read so many of your stories after only recently finding the forum. I’m away they are helping but also of a huge reality check. We were told by solicitor 12 weeks roughly we would know but Infact from reading here this can be even over a year.
This makes me anxious and how I will continue in this limbo for so long. Today is not a good day I’d say I’m just surviving, but in the whole I try and crack on with things I do try and plan for the future up booking days out and trips for the children, well until the end of the year when my maternity leave is up.
I feel angry and hurt that the rest of my maternity leave is consumed by this whole thing! I now feel scared for my future as currently sticking by my other half/children’s father and the implications this will have for my employment. I have read on here that people have lost their jobs because of what partner/husband has done. My employer is aware of the situation but nothing more has been said as I’m on maternity leave. If anyone can shed any more light I would be more than greatful feeling gutted my hard work could be to waste. Whereas his job is in no way related to children so he can carry on as ‘normal’. Although maybe limited to jobs in the future.
My partner has said he has told me the truth about what has happened but we will have to wait and see, I am of the opinion anyone is capable of anything. Reading one story of what their partner/husband got for a similar matter scares me but I guess the nature of conversation and other factors are always at play.
Trying not to think of court and press etc at the moment, I can escape if needed. I’m just hoping what he’s said is true but since reading even thumbnails or scrolling thru things can count, think this is what I’m worried more about unintentional stuff as this is more grey for me. Just hope he’s telling me the truth otherwise I’ll feel like a proper mug sitting here.
Thank you for reading and feels good to get it off my chest to people who understand. I wish this process wouldn’t take so long! I never thought I would be caught up in this!
Hi Summer
It's an awful time you're going through and yes it can, unfortunately, take a long while to be sorted out, this seems to depend very much in what area you're in!
I was 'lucky' that my husband's took 11 months from the knock to sentencing, that appears to be quick!
Don't feel a mug for staying with your partner, all you can do is believe what he's telling you and only tell will tell if he's telling you the truth, you know him, what's your gut telling you?
I think it's really important not to rush into major decisions in the early stages and I say that as someone that did the complete opposite, I am where I am but I feel I could have stepped back, take a breath and make decisions when I wasn't so emotional!!
Please take care of yourself, that's really important for you xx
It's an awful time you're going through and yes it can, unfortunately, take a long while to be sorted out, this seems to depend very much in what area you're in!
I was 'lucky' that my husband's took 11 months from the knock to sentencing, that appears to be quick!
Don't feel a mug for staying with your partner, all you can do is believe what he's telling you and only tell will tell if he's telling you the truth, you know him, what's your gut telling you?
I think it's really important not to rush into major decisions in the early stages and I say that as someone that did the complete opposite, I am where I am but I feel I could have stepped back, take a breath and make decisions when I wasn't so emotional!!
Please take care of yourself, that's really important for you xx
Many thanks for your reply Tracey, I do believe what he said however he doesn’t really remember what was said in the conversation. Which I like to know the details either that or he won’t tell me. I know he’s completely embarrassed about this situation and completely mortified about bringing this to our door.
Feeling a bit better this evening some days with the kids everything can seem overwhelming. My heart races and breathing shallows likely some anxiety and feel I have no control in this. I feel my repucussions are much more than his at this stage when I haven’t done anything wrong.
I do hope someone can give me some advice regarding my job or signpost me
much love you all you strong ladies x
Feeling a bit better this evening some days with the kids everything can seem overwhelming. My heart races and breathing shallows likely some anxiety and feel I have no control in this. I feel my repucussions are much more than his at this stage when I haven’t done anything wrong.
I do hope someone can give me some advice regarding my job or signpost me
much love you all you strong ladies x
Hi Summer,
So sorry you are in this awful situation. We are all in the same boat here and fully understand how you feel, your fears and worries for the future.
I would echo what Tracey said about taking your time over decisions. This has been hard for me because I am a person who likes to know what is going to happen and not knowing how long this all could take and what the outcome could be is extremely hard and stressful. I have I the past made hasty decisions but on this I am stepping right back and just being in each day, one at a time. For now I am staying with my husband and trying to support him in his addressing this behaviour, which of course all the hard work has to come from him, and he has to want to do it. My husband is a broken man and so fearful of what will happen next. But if I will stay in the future, I really can't say, I am just letting it unfold. I think time will tell and will guide me. For once I will not rush a decision with so much emotion involved at the moment.
I gather from your post that you may work with children? If this is the case, so do i. I can tell you that you can no longer be dismissed by association and therefore, your job is safe.
Big hug your way xx
So sorry you are in this awful situation. We are all in the same boat here and fully understand how you feel, your fears and worries for the future.
I would echo what Tracey said about taking your time over decisions. This has been hard for me because I am a person who likes to know what is going to happen and not knowing how long this all could take and what the outcome could be is extremely hard and stressful. I have I the past made hasty decisions but on this I am stepping right back and just being in each day, one at a time. For now I am staying with my husband and trying to support him in his addressing this behaviour, which of course all the hard work has to come from him, and he has to want to do it. My husband is a broken man and so fearful of what will happen next. But if I will stay in the future, I really can't say, I am just letting it unfold. I think time will tell and will guide me. For once I will not rush a decision with so much emotion involved at the moment.
I gather from your post that you may work with children? If this is the case, so do i. I can tell you that you can no longer be dismissed by association and therefore, your job is safe.
Big hug your way xx
Thank you for your reply Dottie,
you sound similar to me in you want all the information, no one will give it at the moment and only my partner can tell me his version of events however I’m very much a fact person I hope I will find out all the information at some point other ways I just want it to go away, the facts are part of who I am and my job. You say you kept your job because disqualification by association is no longer I have worried people will think my character is tarnished because I’m choosing at the moment to support him (not what he’s done).
today is a new day and need to keep focus on the children and enjoying my new bundle of joy in such sh** times. I’m so pleased I’ve found people who can relate. I know I will get through it one way or another just nice to have people who truly understand, we have told our parents only and I don’t think they get the enormity of the situation or the implications for the future for us all.
Thanks again for listening xx
you sound similar to me in you want all the information, no one will give it at the moment and only my partner can tell me his version of events however I’m very much a fact person I hope I will find out all the information at some point other ways I just want it to go away, the facts are part of who I am and my job. You say you kept your job because disqualification by association is no longer I have worried people will think my character is tarnished because I’m choosing at the moment to support him (not what he’s done).
today is a new day and need to keep focus on the children and enjoying my new bundle of joy in such sh** times. I’m so pleased I’ve found people who can relate. I know I will get through it one way or another just nice to have people who truly understand, we have told our parents only and I don’t think they get the enormity of the situation or the implications for the future for us all.
Thanks again for listening xx
Summer,
I am the designated safeguarding lead and I felt this situation really put me in a spot. I told my boss what has happened so that if it does get out I have shown complete transparency and have not hidden anything. She was extremely supportive and even asks how my husband is coping and wishes him well. She understands it was born from an addiction and that my husband had started to get help for it just before we found the images.
You must enjoy your new little bundle. Put your energy into him / her and try not to think too much about this mess, coz it is going to be a long journey.
I have changed my name so that the parents at work either forget my previous surname, or new parents will only know me by my new name. I am just trying to minimize any fall out if it gets reported on. My husband will also change his name nearer the time of being charged, but I'm not sure how useful this will be, when I hear some saying that both names and address have been reported. You are right to tell as few people as possible, if it's not reported on then this will have been a good decision.
Take care of yourself first and your little ones. None of this is your fault so be kind to yourself.
Sending love. Xx
I am the designated safeguarding lead and I felt this situation really put me in a spot. I told my boss what has happened so that if it does get out I have shown complete transparency and have not hidden anything. She was extremely supportive and even asks how my husband is coping and wishes him well. She understands it was born from an addiction and that my husband had started to get help for it just before we found the images.
You must enjoy your new little bundle. Put your energy into him / her and try not to think too much about this mess, coz it is going to be a long journey.
I have changed my name so that the parents at work either forget my previous surname, or new parents will only know me by my new name. I am just trying to minimize any fall out if it gets reported on. My husband will also change his name nearer the time of being charged, but I'm not sure how useful this will be, when I hear some saying that both names and address have been reported. You are right to tell as few people as possible, if it's not reported on then this will have been a good decision.
Take care of yourself first and your little ones. None of this is your fault so be kind to yourself.
Sending love. Xx
Thank you Dottie for your reply.
I have spoken to my boss and nothing mentioned about reasons I can’t work which is weight off my shoulders whilst I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I am trying each day to remember not my fault and this is not me and I can choose to walk away at any point short or long term taking each day as it comes. X
I have spoken to my boss and nothing mentioned about reasons I can’t work which is weight off my shoulders whilst I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I am trying each day to remember not my fault and this is not me and I can choose to walk away at any point short or long term taking each day as it comes. X
Glad you are feeling better about your work position Summer, and you must believe that none of this is your fault. I agree, for now I am sticking around, but it's my decision as to whether I stay in the long term. Day at a time as you say. You concentrate on your precious little ones, they will always be there for you.
Big hug. Xx
Big hug. Xx
So wow that's was a few months ago I really thought this nightmare would be over by now one way or another and I would be forging ahead. but I am sat here with a million thoughts about returning to work iminiantly how I'm going to cope how the man I had my children with has done this to me how an earth I'm going to keep going holding it all together I feel he has ruined/greyed and clouded my maternity leave and how angry I Am with him for that angry with the police for taking so long, loosing faith in the services who are here to protect us. X
So today marks 1 year since I built up the courage to post on this forum.
I want to say a huge thank you to the ladies who have supported me and chatted and given advice it makes you feel a little bit less lonely in this world of chaos. A special thanks to some ladies lee and Tracey who really got me through the early days.
I still can’t believe we are waiting in the limbo of waiting for some devices to come back, some have come back clear some waiting for examination. How can it take this long, I guess it’s because we are just a number to them our families have no faces or lives just a number on a spreadsheet nothing more well that’s how I feel.
Some days I am utterly bored with it like it’s a bad joke if only we could tell people I’m sure they would think the times we are waiting is crazy even laughable if the accusations weren’t so serious and controversial. How can you be accused of such crimes and investigations take so long.
I am still living by the social services restrictions when they will end I don’t know when will they come back into my life who knows am I going to have to fight for their dad to be able to be a dad I don’t know it’s the unknown of all of this is the worst! I feel like I am the one with all the worry.
My maternity leave ended and feel like he ruined my leave tainted and I will never get that time back. The stress Of waiting for the outcome of the future I feel surely will have impacted on my normal calm parenting head always thinking of all different things. Whos knocking the door who knows at work, what’s in the post is it good is it bad. Is my life going to be flipped upside down. Is he still managing will he hurt himself etc my head doesn’t stop.
At Christmas I need to choose what school my other child will be attending how do I know if we will even be living here? None of this is their fault having to drag her to different places changing home and life in general. I get child protection 100% but really I can only see these delays harming my children and they are the most important thing to me.
The more I think about the scenarios I here on here how many people have been caught actually talking to real life children? I see lots of people being caught by police or decoys, who in my opinion are luring people in keeping at them pecking until they bite. How can this be right? How can someone go on an adult chat room and then be lured by these people I’d get it if they were seeking out children on sites aimed at young people that’s different you are expecting to find young people but not when you go on a site aimed at adults.
A year on there is still good and bad days he takes it I guess not much other choice. He stands by his innocence and story has not changed. So for me there’s no looking at courses or therapy for him because he’s adamant he didn’t know he was taking to a minor.
He is working hard either way we will need the money. We talk, our relationship is not the same not sure it ever will be, aside from the legal stuff what was he doing on adult chat room anyway talking whatever to whoever. But that has to be parked for a later date.
I continue to support him I want our children to have a good dad and be around for them. I feel really let down by the police for this taking soo long I need to know one way or another!
I haven’t spoken with a GP and I have considered counselling but I’m getting on ok plus I don’t have time as always have the kids I continue to have no time for me life is relentless with no end in sight. I have phoned the LFF a couple of time not sure if it was useful I think I just want someone to give me some answers which they can’t but they did listen and were non judgemental I guess that was good in itself.
Who knows if a letter of NFA will drop through the door or charges from Cps tomorrow or if this time next year I will be updating this post again being no further forward.
Stay strong ladies you can do it dig deeper than you ever have, you can and will get through this. In the early days I never thought I would but I’m still here knackered and a bit broken but I’m here! You are stronger than you will ever know.
I want to say a huge thank you to the ladies who have supported me and chatted and given advice it makes you feel a little bit less lonely in this world of chaos. A special thanks to some ladies lee and Tracey who really got me through the early days.
I still can’t believe we are waiting in the limbo of waiting for some devices to come back, some have come back clear some waiting for examination. How can it take this long, I guess it’s because we are just a number to them our families have no faces or lives just a number on a spreadsheet nothing more well that’s how I feel.
Some days I am utterly bored with it like it’s a bad joke if only we could tell people I’m sure they would think the times we are waiting is crazy even laughable if the accusations weren’t so serious and controversial. How can you be accused of such crimes and investigations take so long.
I am still living by the social services restrictions when they will end I don’t know when will they come back into my life who knows am I going to have to fight for their dad to be able to be a dad I don’t know it’s the unknown of all of this is the worst! I feel like I am the one with all the worry.
My maternity leave ended and feel like he ruined my leave tainted and I will never get that time back. The stress Of waiting for the outcome of the future I feel surely will have impacted on my normal calm parenting head always thinking of all different things. Whos knocking the door who knows at work, what’s in the post is it good is it bad. Is my life going to be flipped upside down. Is he still managing will he hurt himself etc my head doesn’t stop.
At Christmas I need to choose what school my other child will be attending how do I know if we will even be living here? None of this is their fault having to drag her to different places changing home and life in general. I get child protection 100% but really I can only see these delays harming my children and they are the most important thing to me.
The more I think about the scenarios I here on here how many people have been caught actually talking to real life children? I see lots of people being caught by police or decoys, who in my opinion are luring people in keeping at them pecking until they bite. How can this be right? How can someone go on an adult chat room and then be lured by these people I’d get it if they were seeking out children on sites aimed at young people that’s different you are expecting to find young people but not when you go on a site aimed at adults.
A year on there is still good and bad days he takes it I guess not much other choice. He stands by his innocence and story has not changed. So for me there’s no looking at courses or therapy for him because he’s adamant he didn’t know he was taking to a minor.
He is working hard either way we will need the money. We talk, our relationship is not the same not sure it ever will be, aside from the legal stuff what was he doing on adult chat room anyway talking whatever to whoever. But that has to be parked for a later date.
I continue to support him I want our children to have a good dad and be around for them. I feel really let down by the police for this taking soo long I need to know one way or another!
I haven’t spoken with a GP and I have considered counselling but I’m getting on ok plus I don’t have time as always have the kids I continue to have no time for me life is relentless with no end in sight. I have phoned the LFF a couple of time not sure if it was useful I think I just want someone to give me some answers which they can’t but they did listen and were non judgemental I guess that was good in itself.
Who knows if a letter of NFA will drop through the door or charges from Cps tomorrow or if this time next year I will be updating this post again being no further forward.
Stay strong ladies you can do it dig deeper than you ever have, you can and will get through this. In the early days I never thought I would but I’m still here knackered and a bit broken but I’m here! You are stronger than you will ever know.
I so agree with you Summer. It's getting near to a year now for me. How can it be right and acceptable to have to wait so long? It's dreadful. As my husband was live streamed, people do know and they too are horrified at the length of time it is taking. They see the effects this has on me and the fact that my life is on hold. They are suffering too, as friends of his, and the not knowing what is true and what isn't, and knowing that he is out there somewhere suffering and waiting too, too ashamed to contact them.
Also the point you make about the police and vigilantes trapping these people. Why would a child want to chat to a man, especially an old man, about sex? What are the statistics about 'real' children? My husband said he never lied about his age. Didn't pretend to be a young boy, or teenager, was chatting with adults in an adult chat room. As you rightly say, it's bad behaviour, and in my husbands case he was also hooking up with women, through this site. A case for divorce for me, but I have to get through this hellish situation before I can even think clearly about the adultery and our relationship.
I am having some therapy, as is he. It helps to speak to someone who doesn't know us at all. But at the moment is creating more questions than answers. But I guess the main thing is it helps us continue to face another day.
You sound like you've been an amazingly strong mother. I admire you, and thank you for your words of encouragement. You are so right, we are all so much stronger than we thought we were. x
Also the point you make about the police and vigilantes trapping these people. Why would a child want to chat to a man, especially an old man, about sex? What are the statistics about 'real' children? My husband said he never lied about his age. Didn't pretend to be a young boy, or teenager, was chatting with adults in an adult chat room. As you rightly say, it's bad behaviour, and in my husbands case he was also hooking up with women, through this site. A case for divorce for me, but I have to get through this hellish situation before I can even think clearly about the adultery and our relationship.
I am having some therapy, as is he. It helps to speak to someone who doesn't know us at all. But at the moment is creating more questions than answers. But I guess the main thing is it helps us continue to face another day.
You sound like you've been an amazingly strong mother. I admire you, and thank you for your words of encouragement. You are so right, we are all so much stronger than we thought we were. x
So I can't sleep, today is the trial as you can read from my first post, my children's father has always been adament he thought he was talking to a catfish. I am supportive of him I don't want him to be found guilty what impact that will have on my children's lives. Anyway thought I would just update you all.
Thank you all for getting me through the past years x
Thank you all for getting me through the past years x
Oh Summer, what a tough day. I will be hoping and praying for a good outcome. Keep strong xxx
Dear summer
I will be thinking of you today, I am begining to realise what a long process this is , looking at your first post. I wish you and your family all the very best outcome for today. Take care.
I will be thinking of you today, I am begining to realise what a long process this is , looking at your first post. I wish you and your family all the very best outcome for today. Take care.
Oh Summer What a long journey you've been on love, I'll be thinking of you too, stay strong and I hope the outcome isn't too awful xx
I just want to scream sooo much but need to keep it together for the kids. The trial has been cancelled to be recommenced at a later date prosecution didn't have the right evidence! When will this nightmare be over. I just want to scream what about my life! Sorry just wanted to rant and thanks for thinking of me x
Oh how horrid. I really do despair. It's all so cruel and inexcusable. I hope the prosecution have lost all the evidence....try to relax. Hugs. xxxx
Thank you tabs for your reply this whole thing is soo exausting litrally building to the 'big day' then they do this surely they've has the last 2 years to get their sh*t together I'm tired of it exhausted from working kids and supporting his mental health which is affecting my mental health in turn no one really to talk to properly his parents bury head in the sand. There is absolutely no thought given to us left dealing with this and I find it so frustrating they can't do their job properly!
I have followed tour story. I am also finding it difficult to deal with. It has been 2 years since the knock. My husband was seen by Magistrate Court in October 2020. So it was 1 year and 7 months waiting for it. Then the Crown court was to happen no later than 2 months after that. It didn't and he got a date in January 2021, that one was postponed due to him (and me) having Covid. February date was postponed due to restrictions during lockdown. March date was postponed a month again due to no pre-sentence report. He was told 17:00 on the day before the Court day that it was postponed. He has a very expensive solicitor who deals with the court. He was told he would get a new court day in April. No letter and no phone call and it has now been 3 weeks. Also he has not been given a new probation officer. He had one around Christmas but that person changed job or work area. So are there anyone who actually will write his report? Both of us are older and have health issues so this stress is taking its toll on our health and marriage. We can not plan anything. The grandchildren can not visit when we get out of lockdown again.
Sorry for rambling but I feel that we are in a similar situation with all this waiting
Sorry for rambling but I feel that we are in a similar situation with all this waiting
So I'm now over 31 months down the line from the knock. He is now on his 3rd Date for a trial, and many meetings at court.
Next week hopefully we will find out wether this all 'goes away' or not. He's maintained throughout that he's not guilty throughout, police continue to be dubious with thier evidence, maybe this will work in his favour but I'm not holding my breath.
I can feel myself getting increasingly anxious, but I'm trying to keep calm, still working still doing everything for the little ones well who are not so little anymore!
finances are very tight now it's been such a long time, I'm not even confident it will go ahead next week. I feel soo let down by the services this really is too long for people to wait for thier fate innocent or not!
sorry it's attached to an old thread but thought It more useful so others who don't know my back story
always thanks those who kept me going at the beginning and to lee for her continued support xx
Next week hopefully we will find out wether this all 'goes away' or not. He's maintained throughout that he's not guilty throughout, police continue to be dubious with thier evidence, maybe this will work in his favour but I'm not holding my breath.
I can feel myself getting increasingly anxious, but I'm trying to keep calm, still working still doing everything for the little ones well who are not so little anymore!
finances are very tight now it's been such a long time, I'm not even confident it will go ahead next week. I feel soo let down by the services this really is too long for people to wait for thier fate innocent or not!
sorry it's attached to an old thread but thought It more useful so others who don't know my back story
always thanks those who kept me going at the beginning and to lee for her continued support xx
Hey Summer,
It's absolutely shocking. I feel in a very similar situation to you - not so much in time but the innocence aspect. We've been told if they don't drop the case and it goes to trial we will be looking at the end of next year (it's almost a year now). It's absolutely ridiculous. I hope you are managing to get some good days and a semi-sense of normality until this is all over. Sending lots of love and hope they pull their fingers out soon xx
It's absolutely shocking. I feel in a very similar situation to you - not so much in time but the innocence aspect. We've been told if they don't drop the case and it goes to trial we will be looking at the end of next year (it's almost a year now). It's absolutely ridiculous. I hope you are managing to get some good days and a semi-sense of normality until this is all over. Sending lots of love and hope they pull their fingers out soon xx
Hi,
I am so sorry u r still waiting for an outcome that must be so hard, i have only just read ur story. U r amazing going through all this for so long. I hope u get a good outcome next week xx
I am so sorry u r still waiting for an outcome that must be so hard, i have only just read ur story. U r amazing going through all this for so long. I hope u get a good outcome next week xx
Baffled I hope they do drop the case but don't hold your breath think they think they will plead guilty last min.com but that's not the case here.
you couldn't make up the evidence they have tried to use you would think for a police decoy they would have their own duck in a row! I think it's better if people start to challenge the evidence the police have hopefully making more robust cases therefore not making us wait so long!
yes ofcourse some days are better than others but you learn to live with it and get on but when letters come or dates near or meetings with managers pop up it's like I'm back at day one sets me back for the climb up the hill.
dawn I still don't know what the future holds but hopefully this week coming will be a start.
Kids keep be going they are my everything they love thier dad soo much, if I didn't have them I think I would have grub for the hills! Easy to say when not in that position.
xx keep Strong lovely ladies
you couldn't make up the evidence they have tried to use you would think for a police decoy they would have their own duck in a row! I think it's better if people start to challenge the evidence the police have hopefully making more robust cases therefore not making us wait so long!
yes ofcourse some days are better than others but you learn to live with it and get on but when letters come or dates near or meetings with managers pop up it's like I'm back at day one sets me back for the climb up the hill.
dawn I still don't know what the future holds but hopefully this week coming will be a start.
Kids keep be going they are my everything they love thier dad soo much, if I didn't have them I think I would have grub for the hills! Easy to say when not in that position.
xx keep Strong lovely ladies
My partner is going to trial in March and I foolishly thought trials were less likely to be cancelled.
The length of time and the number is cancellations you've been through is appalling - These offences or alleged offences really punish innocent and as I'm sure can't be the best environment/situation to facilitate the rehabilitation / reform the offender /alleged offender.
I am feeling so much anxiety at the moment - Whether he's doing the right thing pleading guilty, whether if he's found guilty will he be taken away straight away, if not how long will the wait be for sentencing. Over one hurdle and onto the next.
Sounds like you've had a horrible journey but been so strong. I really hope the trial goes ahead next week and you get the right outcome, I'll be thinking of you.
The length of time and the number is cancellations you've been through is appalling - These offences or alleged offences really punish innocent and as I'm sure can't be the best environment/situation to facilitate the rehabilitation / reform the offender /alleged offender.
I am feeling so much anxiety at the moment - Whether he's doing the right thing pleading guilty, whether if he's found guilty will he be taken away straight away, if not how long will the wait be for sentencing. Over one hurdle and onto the next.
Sounds like you've had a horrible journey but been so strong. I really hope the trial goes ahead next week and you get the right outcome, I'll be thinking of you.
Thank you for your replies,
like at home is very tense much worse than the past 2 times we've been in this position last time he turned up ready to fight this and so was I, this time I feel soo tired of it all, police still haven't done what they have been asked but who knows? Well I know it's not happening Monday so just got to keep checking next week - seems so unfair got to keep checking everyday but guess that's just the way it goes.
like at home is very tense much worse than the past 2 times we've been in this position last time he turned up ready to fight this and so was I, this time I feel soo tired of it all, police still haven't done what they have been asked but who knows? Well I know it's not happening Monday so just got to keep checking next week - seems so unfair got to keep checking everyday but guess that's just the way it goes.
I can just imagine how tense things must be on these last few days, especially when you've had it cancelled so many times.
Was it meant to start on Monday?
Was it meant to start on Monday?
Hi Sal
They tell you at the review a week commencing which is its pencilled for then depending on how other trials last you get listed so you only know the day 4pm before it's your turn.
the second time it was ready to roll 5mins from the jury being swarn in and then judge not happy with police and told will have to be done another day when issues sorted, issues still not sorted but... here we go again
if you are placed on the warned list like he was 1st time you are almost like the reserve cases so you might get called you might not depending on how busy they are they are. You only apparently get put on the warned list once then you will be seen the next time.
how you feeling SAL?
They tell you at the review a week commencing which is its pencilled for then depending on how other trials last you get listed so you only know the day 4pm before it's your turn.
the second time it was ready to roll 5mins from the jury being swarn in and then judge not happy with police and told will have to be done another day when issues sorted, issues still not sorted but... here we go again
if you are placed on the warned list like he was 1st time you are almost like the reserve cases so you might get called you might not depending on how busy they are they are. You only apparently get put on the warned list once then you will be seen the next time.
how you feeling SAL?
Wow, I did not know this.
My partner has been given a very specific 3 days. The first date is a Tuesday, they expect the case will take 2 days but day 3 is contingency for previous or his case to over run. This seems different to how things have been handled with you or perhaps I don't know the full picture....
Theyve still not resolved the issue?! That is absolute madness. Its so cruel. Particularly on those around the alleged offender. I really feel for you, especially doing this with children.
I'm okay. Ups and downs. At the moment there are so many practical things, I've spent the day helping move my partners home into storage. Feel emotional and physically tired, which is actually quite nice because there is no energy to feel anxious.
Has your solicitor given any idea what would happen if you partner is found guilty, as in would he have to await sentencing at home or if he'd be 'taken away' straight away?
I really hope, for you, that this is over soon.
My partner has been given a very specific 3 days. The first date is a Tuesday, they expect the case will take 2 days but day 3 is contingency for previous or his case to over run. This seems different to how things have been handled with you or perhaps I don't know the full picture....
Theyve still not resolved the issue?! That is absolute madness. Its so cruel. Particularly on those around the alleged offender. I really feel for you, especially doing this with children.
I'm okay. Ups and downs. At the moment there are so many practical things, I've spent the day helping move my partners home into storage. Feel emotional and physically tired, which is actually quite nice because there is no energy to feel anxious.
Has your solicitor given any idea what would happen if you partner is found guilty, as in would he have to await sentencing at home or if he'd be 'taken away' straight away?
I really hope, for you, that this is over soon.
I'm sorry you are having to sort his things out. That sounds a much better way of preparing someone actually giving a date.
I think if I'm realistic if he is found guilty he will prob be let out until sentencing, he has been RUI with no conditions, so I can't imagine him being remanded til sentencing. However I am fully prepared that he may go to prison at sentasing because I see others on the forum seem to be getting custodials he has lost any early guilty benifity and he has no mitigating and no courses/therapy because he says he hasnt done anything. So no remorse in thier eyes
I think if I'm realistic if he is found guilty he will prob be let out until sentencing, he has been RUI with no conditions, so I can't imagine him being remanded til sentencing. However I am fully prepared that he may go to prison at sentasing because I see others on the forum seem to be getting custodials he has lost any early guilty benifity and he has no mitigating and no courses/therapy because he says he hasnt done anything. So no remorse in thier eyes
Similar with my partner. Situations slightly different, but he'll not gain reductions gained with a guilty plea and any mitigating factors are particularly strong, so not sure they'll help. It's such a gamble.
I almost feel that it would be better if he was just taken away, straight away so he can start the clock (he's been told to expect custodial), the thought of waiting for sentencing and cancellation etc is horrible, it's dead time when he knows whats pending
I almost feel that it would be better if he was just taken away, straight away so he can start the clock (he's been told to expect custodial), the thought of waiting for sentencing and cancellation etc is horrible, it's dead time when he knows whats pending
It's soo annoying nearly 3 years down the line since the supposed crime was committed if he had plead guilty he'd be out sentace be over and prob halfway thru registration but we can't change it! The whole things been dead time really!
Very true Summer.
Thinking of you today.
Thinking of you today.
Thinking of you today Summer. Please keep us updated and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! Xx
Thinking of you today Summer and hope this nightmare ends soon.
My husbands situation was very complicated and all the complications were used as mitigation when sentencing. With the knowledge I now have I genuinely don't think he should have pleaded guilty but in Hindsight now and despite the fallout from the publicity I am glad we can at least look forward to moving on. Life isn't easy in the slightest, the whole thing has caused a lot of damage to our mental health and relationships with others as well as the restrictions imposed etc.
The whole process is so unfair and the most destructful, I hope you manage to get some peace of mind soon.
Sending thoughts and best wishes to you. Xxxx
My husbands situation was very complicated and all the complications were used as mitigation when sentencing. With the knowledge I now have I genuinely don't think he should have pleaded guilty but in Hindsight now and despite the fallout from the publicity I am glad we can at least look forward to moving on. Life isn't easy in the slightest, the whole thing has caused a lot of damage to our mental health and relationships with others as well as the restrictions imposed etc.
The whole process is so unfair and the most destructful, I hope you manage to get some peace of mind soon.
Sending thoughts and best wishes to you. Xxxx
Thanks Ladies for your thoughts but he was not listed for today and doesn't seem to be on the list for tomorrow either, seems so unfair but I know they don't know when slots will be.
I'll keep you updated, I'm soo tired over thinking and unable to sleep at the moment, it will get better.. well it's got to get better!
xxx
I'll keep you updated, I'm soo tired over thinking and unable to sleep at the moment, it will get better.. well it's got to get better!
xxx
My heart goes out to you Summer. Hope you hear something today x
Thanks SAL
it will be tomorrow now barrister not in this country couldn't get back so have a different one we don't know not holding my breath he's more positive than me!
We need all the luck I the world tomorrow xxx
it will be tomorrow now barrister not in this country couldn't get back so have a different one we don't know not holding my breath he's more positive than me!
We need all the luck I the world tomorrow xxx
On my! You couldn't write that!
Good that it's finally here. Hope there are no more delays. Wishing you all the luck in the world.
Do you know how many days the trial is expected to be?
Good that it's finally here. Hope there are no more delays. Wishing you all the luck in the world.
Do you know how many days the trial is expected to be?
I know SAL
he's seeing the positives a fresh set of eyes however old one has seen the stuff which is dubious.
probs a couple of days they've pencilled
I've told him if not happy with new one then to ask for a recess I know it will be longer but he has to be happy with his legal support it's all or nothing in this case.
he's seeing the positives a fresh set of eyes however old one has seen the stuff which is dubious.
probs a couple of days they've pencilled
I've told him if not happy with new one then to ask for a recess I know it will be longer but he has to be happy with his legal support it's all or nothing in this case.
Agreed re not being happy but that still must be a really difficult thing to consider when you've waited so long.
Hope you manage to get some sleep over the next few days. I'll be thinking of you
Hope you manage to get some sleep over the next few days. I'll be thinking of you
100% ask for recess if not confident with the barrister! Best of luck, I'll keep checking back to see how you get on and be hoping for the best until then. Xx
Looks like there's a few people before him I feel soo sick so worried for him and the future of my children hang in the balance here.
I keep thinking of you today. Hopefully it will get started today and you'll be onto the next step in a couple of days.
What are you doing today? Is there something you can throw yourself into to try distracting yourself?
What are you doing today? Is there something you can throw yourself into to try distracting yourself?
Well what a work up that worse seems to get worse each time! It didn't go ahead again
This is really getting to me when is anyone going to care about me and the children and the effect this has on us!
xx
This is really getting to me when is anyone going to care about me and the children and the effect this has on us!
xx
Oh Summer, I feel for you so much.
Could it happen tomorrow?
Could it happen tomorrow?
Hi Sal no it will be scheduled again somewhen in the future
What the hell. How can they do this?! Sorry but if it was worth all the fuss of spending thousands of taxpayers money on an investigation and trial then surely they'd have their s%*# together when it comes to getting it sorted. Do you think this is because of issues with evidence etc again? Honestly is disgusting how this impacts you and your children, as well as your partner! So sorry you've been messed about AGAIN! Xx
I was explaining this situation to someone and they said it's very similar to hospitals. The system isn't big enough to cope with the number of people going through it.
Summer I'm so so sorry, my heart really goes out to you. I wish there was some practical advise I could offer.
What part of the country are you in?
Summer I'm so so sorry, my heart really goes out to you. I wish there was some practical advise I could offer.
What part of the country are you in?
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That's shocking. So much time seems to be wasted in court.
I don't know you Summer, but I want to give you a big hug and send you off to bed with the promise of a good night's sleep.
Hope you get some sleep and the new date comes around soon.
I don't know you Summer, but I want to give you a big hug and send you off to bed with the promise of a good night's sleep.
Hope you get some sleep and the new date comes around soon.
Now over 3 years later since the knock and not really any further forward multiple trial dates arranged and cancelled for a variety of reasons by the prosecution on the day. How can they mess us around like this no one really cares!
I've been keeping off the forum as my mental health is not great and it just fuels my disappointment in all the services involved in everyone's cases and I need to try and stay well.
I am the only one working he's not in the right head space, he's angry at the situation and the failings, I've tried a few things to try and keep him going but I can see where he's comming from, how can you get a job when they can spring court dates on you. We have no savings now house sale fell through I wouldn't even say we are in a relationship trying to keep it normal for the kids. we get no childcare help because well they think he should look after kids if he's not working but he can't because of social services. The kids are getting bigger wanting to go with dad wanting dad to pick them up from school/nursery which just can't happen, I'm always the bad guy as I'm the one has to do all the boring things.
I'm at the end of my teather with this situation, I'm stuck no where to turn just trugging on day by day! But I said I would support him until an outcome as he's always protested his innocence but I never dreamed in a million years all of this would go on this long. I'm exhausted and broken sorry I just needed to rant no need to reply.
keep your chin up ladies you are amazing and you will get through it! X
I've been keeping off the forum as my mental health is not great and it just fuels my disappointment in all the services involved in everyone's cases and I need to try and stay well.
I am the only one working he's not in the right head space, he's angry at the situation and the failings, I've tried a few things to try and keep him going but I can see where he's comming from, how can you get a job when they can spring court dates on you. We have no savings now house sale fell through I wouldn't even say we are in a relationship trying to keep it normal for the kids. we get no childcare help because well they think he should look after kids if he's not working but he can't because of social services. The kids are getting bigger wanting to go with dad wanting dad to pick them up from school/nursery which just can't happen, I'm always the bad guy as I'm the one has to do all the boring things.
I'm at the end of my teather with this situation, I'm stuck no where to turn just trugging on day by day! But I said I would support him until an outcome as he's always protested his innocence but I never dreamed in a million years all of this would go on this long. I'm exhausted and broken sorry I just needed to rant no need to reply.
keep your chin up ladies you are amazing and you will get through it! X
Oh Summer, when I saw this post near the top I got so excited hoping to see an update that this nightmare had ended. I feel sick for you, it's so unfair on everyone involved and dragging it out is just horrendous. I think of you often and hope this all ends very soon. Sending love xx
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Does anyone keep in touch with Summer outside of the forum? I think of her often and wonder how she's getting on. Would be nice to know she is ok. I assume from no updates, there isn't any :(
This is why I really can't wait for the direct messaging function on here!
This is why I really can't wait for the direct messaging function on here!
Hi Baffled
Ive not been in contact separately with anyone from the forum
This forum is great in some ways, although as it's open for anyone to read we all still have to be careful
I also think the direct messaging will be useful although it would be good to know if LFF will do any vetting, as on the Internet you can never know exactly who you're talking to (as some of the accused partners and relatives have already found out)
Ive not been in contact separately with anyone from the forum
This forum is great in some ways, although as it's open for anyone to read we all still have to be careful
I also think the direct messaging will be useful although it would be good to know if LFF will do any vetting, as on the Internet you can never know exactly who you're talking to (as some of the accused partners and relatives have already found out)
I personally carnt wait for direct messaging. As long as we all keep in touch on this general forum to help others that are sadly entering this heartbreaking situation.
Keep it thriving as it's so wonderful to have each other, friends that understand.
Keep it thriving as it's so wonderful to have each other, friends that understand.
Me too ladies! It'll be nice to speak more personally in private but we will definitely post on the main forum too. My fear about saying too much on the main forum is being identified so I hold a lot back x
Morning Ladies,
So 3.5 years on and multiple trial dates (7 I think) he has now been found guilty of Attempted sexual communication with a child. Gutted is an understatement but now waiting for sentancing to hopefully start moving on with my life. I am still unsure wether that is with or without him but I continue to support him for the sake of our children who did not ask for this.
I still don't believe that was his intention and the evidence was lacking ie typed up chat logs no screen shots or videos but who doesn't believe the police are good wholesome people and with the subject matter for the jurors to decide the way they did.
I understand pubishments for crimes but now getting to the point where he will loose his job I can't see how this is benificial. He will have to work with probation Ofcourse but he's had his ability to earn have a career and provide for his children removed may not see a future how does that make a person keep on the straight and narrow?!
I am not looking forward to childrens services being involved again but needs must ofcourse and now this is it we need to work towards a better plan moving forwards I have been exhausted this isn't what I signed up for when you have kids with someone.
Oh and Baffled fantastic news for you so pleased of a positive story!!! We need these glimmers of hope.
I don't know if I have any wise words but whatever you decide that is Ok stay/leave support or not. Come on here or not, at times I've found it useful and others m times I have not. The main thing is look after YOU! You are in for the long haul either way, I didn't always look after myself but luckily stayed afloat.
Sorry for the ramblings I'm knackered
So 3.5 years on and multiple trial dates (7 I think) he has now been found guilty of Attempted sexual communication with a child. Gutted is an understatement but now waiting for sentancing to hopefully start moving on with my life. I am still unsure wether that is with or without him but I continue to support him for the sake of our children who did not ask for this.
I still don't believe that was his intention and the evidence was lacking ie typed up chat logs no screen shots or videos but who doesn't believe the police are good wholesome people and with the subject matter for the jurors to decide the way they did.
I understand pubishments for crimes but now getting to the point where he will loose his job I can't see how this is benificial. He will have to work with probation Ofcourse but he's had his ability to earn have a career and provide for his children removed may not see a future how does that make a person keep on the straight and narrow?!
I am not looking forward to childrens services being involved again but needs must ofcourse and now this is it we need to work towards a better plan moving forwards I have been exhausted this isn't what I signed up for when you have kids with someone.
Oh and Baffled fantastic news for you so pleased of a positive story!!! We need these glimmers of hope.
I don't know if I have any wise words but whatever you decide that is Ok stay/leave support or not. Come on here or not, at times I've found it useful and others m times I have not. The main thing is look after YOU! You are in for the long haul either way, I didn't always look after myself but luckily stayed afloat.
Sorry for the ramblings I'm knackered
I'm so sorry to hear thr outcome, but please the trial actually happened. I imagine there are confusing feelings after such a long period of waiting.
My person decided against going to trial, I think we'll always have that niggling unknown feeling as to what may have happened if he had decided to continue to trial. The consequences for my person were quite severe, whilst I understand the need to address these things, he's lost his job, his home and any sense of identity. He won't get a job in his pervious field and I think will probably struggle to find a job with any real fulfillment. I'm confident he'll never offend again, without doubt, but the consequences seem disproportionate to what actually happened. So I understand where you are coming from.
My person decided against going to trial, I think we'll always have that niggling unknown feeling as to what may have happened if he had decided to continue to trial. The consequences for my person were quite severe, whilst I understand the need to address these things, he's lost his job, his home and any sense of identity. He won't get a job in his pervious field and I think will probably struggle to find a job with any real fulfillment. I'm confident he'll never offend again, without doubt, but the consequences seem disproportionate to what actually happened. So I understand where you are coming from.
Summer,
I am absolutely gutted for you and have shed some tears reading your post. I really thought you would get a positive outcome. The fact the amount of trials got rescheduled because they didn't have everything together insinuated the evidence was rubbish, it's so unfair. I hope sentencing brings some positivity and you're all doing as well as possible. Please keep us updated. Lots of love and hugs xx
I am absolutely gutted for you and have shed some tears reading your post. I really thought you would get a positive outcome. The fact the amount of trials got rescheduled because they didn't have everything together insinuated the evidence was rubbish, it's so unfair. I hope sentencing brings some positivity and you're all doing as well as possible. Please keep us updated. Lots of love and hugs xx
Yes the Evidence still remained rubbish but who do the jury beleive stranger accused or the upstanding police. Even my mum said if she was on a jury and had doubts she would go with guilty just incase! But there we go. Hopefully he will hear from probation this week, I know know if that will kick things off with childrens services or if they will wait til sentancing incase if custodial another wait/unknown but it wont be that long in the scheme of this Saga!
thanks baffled and Sal for your messages means a lot I see Lee isn't here anymore I hope she's getting on with living her life now after all the amazing support and advice she offered all of us including myself at the start.
I need to get on and write a character reference for him, I find this odd because yes I can say all the positives about him and who he WAS but well he's not going to be this person anymore without employment and a life he feels no purpose but I shalt question and just write it!
thanks baffled and Sal for your messages means a lot I see Lee isn't here anymore I hope she's getting on with living her life now after all the amazing support and advice she offered all of us including myself at the start.
I need to get on and write a character reference for him, I find this odd because yes I can say all the positives about him and who he WAS but well he's not going to be this person anymore without employment and a life he feels no purpose but I shalt question and just write it!
I guess when it comes to offences like this and the way the media portrays it people think there's a huge risk and don't want to chance anything but it's very unfair. I really hope they support you and you can rebuild your lives. You're so strong and don't deserve any of this xx
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Hi Bitterbean,
As someone who once served on a jury myself, I can assure you that they take their responsibilities very seriously and they are not ill informed and possibly already biased against your OH.
In the case I was on, which was an offence against a child, we gave the person the benefit of the doubt, because there was simply not enough evidence to convict them beyond reasonable doubt. All of us were very aware of the implications, of finding sombody guilty of such an offence and we would not do that, unless we were absolutely certain that they did it.
As someone who once served on a jury myself, I can assure you that they take their responsibilities very seriously and they are not ill informed and possibly already biased against your OH.
In the case I was on, which was an offence against a child, we gave the person the benefit of the doubt, because there was simply not enough evidence to convict them beyond reasonable doubt. All of us were very aware of the implications, of finding sombody guilty of such an offence and we would not do that, unless we were absolutely certain that they did it.
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Hey everyone so we are now on the other side, to to rebuild our lives and although I support him this is likely to be apart.
Sentancing came relatively without a hitch although judge wanted 5 years SOR but was corrected to 10 years as he was given 8months suspended for 2 years SHPO for 5 years internet monitoring only.
I have received full disclosure, evidence questionable, he lied about some things actual sexual content pathetic but must have ticked the boxes.
so what now??? I wait in limbo for the social services to come along.
I know he will have a probation officer.
What is the purpose of Visor or PPU are they the same thing or different? He's not living here but sees the children regularly Will they want to see me?
I remain exausted but feel less pressure now he is not here the kids can wonder the house or garden and I can have a cup of tea with out eyes on them or him supervising what's going on so that has been welcome!
Sending love hugs and strength to all you ladies thanks for being there the the past 3.6 years
Sentancing came relatively without a hitch although judge wanted 5 years SOR but was corrected to 10 years as he was given 8months suspended for 2 years SHPO for 5 years internet monitoring only.
I have received full disclosure, evidence questionable, he lied about some things actual sexual content pathetic but must have ticked the boxes.
so what now??? I wait in limbo for the social services to come along.
I know he will have a probation officer.
What is the purpose of Visor or PPU are they the same thing or different? He's not living here but sees the children regularly Will they want to see me?
I remain exausted but feel less pressure now he is not here the kids can wonder the house or garden and I can have a cup of tea with out eyes on them or him supervising what's going on so that has been welcome!
Sending love hugs and strength to all you ladies thanks for being there the the past 3.6 years
Hi Summer,
It's been such a long journey for you. I'm that you at last have some closure and put this phase behind you.
Take care of yourself, you've been through a hard few years. xx
It's been such a long journey for you. I'm that you at last have some closure and put this phase behind you.
Take care of yourself, you've been through a hard few years. xx
Morning Summer
Thank you for the update on your journey
The timeline is horrendous
I hope you and your family are keeping ok under the circumstances xx
What ever comes your way with SS you will get through it look how far you have already
Sending hugs xx
Thank you for the update on your journey
The timeline is horrendous
I hope you and your family are keeping ok under the circumstances xx
What ever comes your way with SS you will get through it look how far you have already
Sending hugs xx
Thanks for the replies, yes I'm sure I will get through it I don't have a choice we have to for the kids right!
Sal I don't really see it as closure just waiting like a sitting duck waiting for social services to make an appearance when they decide. Waiting for my work to kick off again or wether he will try and take his life again.
for the punishment they receive for the crime no one seems remotely bothered!
This isn't a life I would choose for anyone.
Sal I don't really see it as closure just waiting like a sitting duck waiting for social services to make an appearance when they decide. Waiting for my work to kick off again or wether he will try and take his life again.
for the punishment they receive for the crime no one seems remotely bothered!
This isn't a life I would choose for anyone.
Hi Summer
We have to try and hold everything together
I am fortunate mine are grown young adults I cant imagine having younger children and having SS involved x
I'm sorry for the weight of the world you have to carry and the sheer worry if your OH is not in a good place
Xx
We have to try and hold everything together
I am fortunate mine are grown young adults I cant imagine having younger children and having SS involved x
I'm sorry for the weight of the world you have to carry and the sheer worry if your OH is not in a good place
Xx
Hi there I'm glad this part of limbo is all over for you as it just is for me too. We have no children together so we've had a clean break from each other it is the hardest thing I've ever done after two years of supportng him through this hell. I'm truly heart broken. How are you feeling about the split? What made you come to your decision?
Hi Summer, wow what a long journey for you!
probation will only be involved for the length of the suspended sentence I believe - so 2 years and will be his main contact with any questions. will help with job searching, any questions, any courses that he's been asked to do. My partner sees his once a month but it was weekly at first.
the visor works directly with the police working out a risk and will likely do unannounced home visits to him. He may only see them 3 times in a year.
SS will only get involved again once they receive a new referral in usually from the visor, if you's have split and living apart hopefully the assessment will be very quick and straight forward.
We have partner home living will us, sentencing last year and are still open because I was him to have unsupervised contact with our children since he's allowed to live at home!
good look in your future summer x
probation will only be involved for the length of the suspended sentence I believe - so 2 years and will be his main contact with any questions. will help with job searching, any questions, any courses that he's been asked to do. My partner sees his once a month but it was weekly at first.
the visor works directly with the police working out a risk and will likely do unannounced home visits to him. He may only see them 3 times in a year.
SS will only get involved again once they receive a new referral in usually from the visor, if you's have split and living apart hopefully the assessment will be very quick and straight forward.
We have partner home living will us, sentencing last year and are still open because I was him to have unsupervised contact with our children since he's allowed to live at home!
good look in your future summer x
The reason why we are apart is I need space away from him and focus on the kids. Who knows for the future but at the moment I don't have the headspace for it.
thanks jayjay I hope to work towards unsupervised contact for him also as well he needs to step up and be a dad and I'm not supervising forever and there's no one else so if it's decided/assessed that he can't be alone then I'll have to decide what's next. I think the kids are better off having him in thier life but that can't be at the cost of my mental health
things will work out one way or another!
thanks jayjay I hope to work towards unsupervised contact for him also as well he needs to step up and be a dad and I'm not supervising forever and there's no one else so if it's decided/assessed that he can't be alone then I'll have to decide what's next. I think the kids are better off having him in thier life but that can't be at the cost of my mental health
things will work out one way or another!
Hey everyone
it's a few days late but it's been 4 years since I've made this thread! Wow it has been and epic rollercoaster which unfortunatly I still can't seem to get off and wondering if I ever will?!
So trial happened as some of you will have read and was found guilty he was given a 6 month suspended sentance for 2 years community service which is now completed and rehab 'days' which like probation are ongoing, he's seen the visor once initially, he has no monitoring on his phone, the second appt was arranged but they was a no show then turned up then next day and he was out and that's it. He is now in full time work and really enjoying it even if there are some dubious characters there like on community service. Probation worker seems like a snowflake but least I don't have to deal with them.
It's intresting how many 'support' services are trying to cream off the probation service and ultimately tax payers. The charity's I beleive have been ok to deal with.
He doesn't live with me and the children my choice but could and is also able to have the children unsupervised and that is also my choice ss said can't recommend anyone in the SOR having unsupervised but that's my choice. Ss wrote their report with lots of inaccuracies and assumptions I'm pretty sure they also trawled my Facebook.
The baby is now off to school soon and I just don't feel like I'm any further forward at least with the trial and the limbo there was hope life would have got back to normal but it never will what ever things I decide it will always appear to be tainted by this 'event/situation' that has happened in my life!
I have been trying to get a bit of my life back but I just feel I'm one big fake! I watched channel 5 this morning and it was talking about the SOR and peoples views were so shortsighted and this is what I and my children will have to contend with! He is getting on with his life he doesn't care and states he knows the truth about it (he's always denied what they suggested). So today I just feel a massive knock back as I had been plodding on!
I know he is a good person and this doesn't make him etc but... it's not about him I guess this is about me and how I feel about him and it's not what it was! I think he's put me through too much my job, my maternity leave, financially my own mental health ss and ultimately being a single parent and the limb not all his fault I know such as delays etc but ultimately he was on the chat room and if he wasn't there couldn't have even been an allegation made!
I hear some of you say things are now better than they were before but its certainly not for us, I have tried to think of different ways to get my head in the right place being able to move on with life with him but I cant. I feel so angry towards him and it's not fair on him me or the children to live like that!
Now he can have the children I want him to be a dad but he doesn't have the confidence as I've always been there but I equally find it hard to be around him. He needs to learn quick and not just be the 'fun' dad.
I don't speak with his family they have been one massive let down to him and my children in my eyes and he can sort of see it but they are his family so he can't let them go - this is also another issue we are not going to get past.
So >4 years since the knock I've come to the conclusion.
Police = Joke
Visor= Threats
Charites = some have ulterior motives
Probation= Pointless
SS= Incompetant
Summer= warrior (even if I've fallen apart a few times)
You Ladies= The most amazing bunch of Strong Kind hearted intelligent people who just keep going! Xx
Sorry for the long update/rant just the C5 programme brought everything to the front of my mind.
it's a few days late but it's been 4 years since I've made this thread! Wow it has been and epic rollercoaster which unfortunatly I still can't seem to get off and wondering if I ever will?!
So trial happened as some of you will have read and was found guilty he was given a 6 month suspended sentance for 2 years community service which is now completed and rehab 'days' which like probation are ongoing, he's seen the visor once initially, he has no monitoring on his phone, the second appt was arranged but they was a no show then turned up then next day and he was out and that's it. He is now in full time work and really enjoying it even if there are some dubious characters there like on community service. Probation worker seems like a snowflake but least I don't have to deal with them.
It's intresting how many 'support' services are trying to cream off the probation service and ultimately tax payers. The charity's I beleive have been ok to deal with.
He doesn't live with me and the children my choice but could and is also able to have the children unsupervised and that is also my choice ss said can't recommend anyone in the SOR having unsupervised but that's my choice. Ss wrote their report with lots of inaccuracies and assumptions I'm pretty sure they also trawled my Facebook.
The baby is now off to school soon and I just don't feel like I'm any further forward at least with the trial and the limbo there was hope life would have got back to normal but it never will what ever things I decide it will always appear to be tainted by this 'event/situation' that has happened in my life!
I have been trying to get a bit of my life back but I just feel I'm one big fake! I watched channel 5 this morning and it was talking about the SOR and peoples views were so shortsighted and this is what I and my children will have to contend with! He is getting on with his life he doesn't care and states he knows the truth about it (he's always denied what they suggested). So today I just feel a massive knock back as I had been plodding on!
I know he is a good person and this doesn't make him etc but... it's not about him I guess this is about me and how I feel about him and it's not what it was! I think he's put me through too much my job, my maternity leave, financially my own mental health ss and ultimately being a single parent and the limb not all his fault I know such as delays etc but ultimately he was on the chat room and if he wasn't there couldn't have even been an allegation made!
I hear some of you say things are now better than they were before but its certainly not for us, I have tried to think of different ways to get my head in the right place being able to move on with life with him but I cant. I feel so angry towards him and it's not fair on him me or the children to live like that!
Now he can have the children I want him to be a dad but he doesn't have the confidence as I've always been there but I equally find it hard to be around him. He needs to learn quick and not just be the 'fun' dad.
I don't speak with his family they have been one massive let down to him and my children in my eyes and he can sort of see it but they are his family so he can't let them go - this is also another issue we are not going to get past.
So >4 years since the knock I've come to the conclusion.
Police = Joke
Visor= Threats
Charites = some have ulterior motives
Probation= Pointless
SS= Incompetant
Summer= warrior (even if I've fallen apart a few times)
You Ladies= The most amazing bunch of Strong Kind hearted intelligent people who just keep going! Xx
Sorry for the long update/rant just the C5 programme brought everything to the front of my mind.
Summer,
You truly are an inspiration and I admire you so much. You deserve so much happiness and I hope it's not too far around the corner for you. You've held everything together for such a long time, I hope you get an opportunity soon to go and do something for yourself and let your hair down because my goodness do you deserve it. All my love xxx
You truly are an inspiration and I admire you so much. You deserve so much happiness and I hope it's not too far around the corner for you. You've held everything together for such a long time, I hope you get an opportunity soon to go and do something for yourself and let your hair down because my goodness do you deserve it. All my love xxx
Thank you for sharing your story, Summer. I feel my own story is quite similar, although we haven't got to trial yet. Not sure how I will get through the trial to be honest, but I don't have a choice in the matter! You have been let down by the criminal justice system, it is outrageous that it should take so long and trial dates be changed so frequently.
Wishing you all the best for you and your kids for the future and moving forward.
Wishing you all the best for you and your kids for the future and moving forward.
Thanks Pipin and Baffled I thought it was good to update and have a bit of a rant as I've been struggling of late.
im happy if anyone wants to message on here about any part of my journey
im happy if anyone wants to message on here about any part of my journey