Is this my life now….
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Today while out with OH (this does not happen often) we went to a big garden Centre. We parked up when he declared he cant go in as someone he used to work with had just walked past the car. This garden centre is not our local one and one that felt like a day out. This obviously took the enjoyment out of it. We ended up sitting the car for twenty minutes. We then went in, only to having keeping avoiding the person who seemed to be walking to every corner in a very slow pace, which they are entitled to do. Keeping in mind we had sat in the car for twenty minutes! To be honest i felt like a criminal and it was not a nice feeling. Is this my life now if i stay? I had to remind myself that if he did see us and thought bad of me ( for being with OH) then it did not matter as i did not know him. But it was still hard to go in.
Not sure what i want from this post except to have a rant on how this is gift that keeps giving. Everytime i try and forget for a couple of hours what he has done there is always something to remind me.
Not sure what i want from this post except to have a rant on how this is gift that keeps giving. Everytime i try and forget for a couple of hours what he has done there is always something to remind me.
Hi Webb - I really resignate with you both on this.
I went through a period of the fear of bumping into someone and being 'put on the spot' if they start to ask questions about my son. Suppose if I'm honest I still would attempt to avoid that situation.
I even was scared to go in certain areas.
As time went on and my confidence grew I realised people do move on and although you feel you are in the spotlight, quite often they have no knowledge of what's happened or be too embarrassed to say anything. They are absorbed in their own set of problems.
Not sure what I'm offering you here Webb except understanding x
I went through a period of the fear of bumping into someone and being 'put on the spot' if they start to ask questions about my son. Suppose if I'm honest I still would attempt to avoid that situation.
I even was scared to go in certain areas.
As time went on and my confidence grew I realised people do move on and although you feel you are in the spotlight, quite often they have no knowledge of what's happened or be too embarrassed to say anything. They are absorbed in their own set of problems.
Not sure what I'm offering you here Webb except understanding x
We have three former colleagues of my husband who live within half a mile of us.
I don't like it when I see them, but it does get easier.
xx
I don't like it when I see them, but it does get easier.
xx
Thank you smile through tears and K4. Unfortunately my OH was in a position of trust. Therefore he was in the media both local to us and where he worked. There is no way the person would not know. But was proud of myself as i faced the fear. At the beginning of this journey i would have just gone back home. I tried to think, the courts and the justice system has punished him, and he has every right to be in a shop. And i have not done anything wrong and would not know this person if i saw them again. They might know me, but i told myself what did that matter. I think some of the councelling is working.
You might be right though Smile, perhaps he would have been too embarressed to make a comment i never thought of that. Yes K4 perhaps if it happens again it might be easier. It is because he worked miles away we have never bumped into anyone before and we are 18 months post sentencing.
You might be right though Smile, perhaps he would have been too embarressed to make a comment i never thought of that. Yes K4 perhaps if it happens again it might be easier. It is because he worked miles away we have never bumped into anyone before and we are 18 months post sentencing.
Well done you for being so brave. You have to bite the bullet sometimes in this journey to move forward. . It's hard though! X
Hi Webb - just to say that by posting here you've realised that you are now reacting differently from how you might have done in the past (by slinking off home) so that is progress and one silver lining about this awkward situation. To feel annoyed and frustrated about it is also completely valid and I hope you had a reasonable rest of your day out and it didn't spoil things completely.
I know it's a cliche but the saying 'two steps forward and one step back' springs to mind. Life/fate etc does seem to throw some 'coincidences' our way which seem aimed to trip us up again and again reminding us of a past we thought we'd moved on from and I'm sure you felt like yelling at the universe 'give us a break!'
Nothing more to say really so just sending a sympathetic hug your way x
I know it's a cliche but the saying 'two steps forward and one step back' springs to mind. Life/fate etc does seem to throw some 'coincidences' our way which seem aimed to trip us up again and again reminding us of a past we thought we'd moved on from and I'm sure you felt like yelling at the universe 'give us a break!'
Nothing more to say really so just sending a sympathetic hug your way x
Webb
Sorry it turned out not as you had planned but you did go inside rather than give in and go home , we can overthink so much and to be honest even if you had bumped in to them the chances are they probably wouldn't have said anything, onwards and upwards xx
Sorry it turned out not as you had planned but you did go inside rather than give in and go home , we can overthink so much and to be honest even if you had bumped in to them the chances are they probably wouldn't have said anything, onwards and upwards xx
I had a work colleague who had helped me out with a difficult situation as work and who left work suddenly. At the time I sent him a message to ask if he was ok and he replied saying he had left for health reasons. Sometime later I read in the local papers that he had been sentenced for sexual offences. Yes I was surprised at the time but didn't give it too much thought. A year later I bumped into him while he was out with his wife and Grandson. I can honestly say that my initial thought was that I was pleased to see him, we chatted about general things for a while and then went our separate ways. This was before I found myself starting my own nightmare of a journey. I think what I'm trying to say is work colleagues might know what has happened but are very likely to be more concerned for the person than anything else.
Ocean - I bet when meeting up with your colleague and not rejecting him meant the absolute world to him. I'd feel very proud of that.....
Going through this has made me much more sensitive to other peoples feelings and I go out my way to show it. Only yest I said "Thankyou" to one of my hubby's pals who, without knowing it, by showing understanding he had helped him. This guy had tears in his eyes and gave me a hug, one word did that!!!!!
it's not hard to be civil and nice to each other is it, even under these circumstances.
Going through this has made me much more sensitive to other peoples feelings and I go out my way to show it. Only yest I said "Thankyou" to one of my hubby's pals who, without knowing it, by showing understanding he had helped him. This guy had tears in his eyes and gave me a hug, one word did that!!!!!
it's not hard to be civil and nice to each other is it, even under these circumstances.
Oh Smile, I so echo that. I often think of that fable about a lady on the beach where hundreds of starfish had been stranded and she was picking them up one by one and throwing them back into the sea. When told that her efforts were making hardly any difference she replied without pausing 'well, I made a difference to this one, and this one.....'
(When I was a teacher I used to have a silver starfish on a chain to remind me of this until a colleague asked me why I wore a cannabis leaf round my neck?! Yes I needed to go to Specsavers :) )
(When I was a teacher I used to have a silver starfish on a chain to remind me of this until a colleague asked me why I wore a cannabis leaf round my neck?! Yes I needed to go to Specsavers :) )
That is SO funny rainy - not 'really' appropriate for a teacher to be wearing that design!!!!!!
When we go out for a walk, we take a carrier bag and fill it with litter we find on the street. Our opinion the local environment would be much cleaner if more people did the same! And my do we get some strange looks!!!!!!
it makes a difference!
When we go out for a walk, we take a carrier bag and fill it with litter we find on the street. Our opinion the local environment would be much cleaner if more people did the same! And my do we get some strange looks!!!!!!
it makes a difference!