Everything hurts
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Devastatedwife
I wish I could give you some answers but I cant , but what I can say is how you have poured your heart out in your post and that it is extremely powerful, but also full of such sadness and for that I am sorry,
Does it get better, it becomes more manageable to live with, as my son is the offender so a different situation and honestly having to be a single mum overnight ahh I just can imagine, there are some lovely women who are in the same situation as you so hopefully they will be able to give you more advice, I know there are places that can offer you advice and support so I'm sure you will be given some great suggestions
As for now look how far you have come and no matter what you will find the strength to help you
Sending huge hugs xx
I wish I could give you some answers but I cant , but what I can say is how you have poured your heart out in your post and that it is extremely powerful, but also full of such sadness and for that I am sorry,
Does it get better, it becomes more manageable to live with, as my son is the offender so a different situation and honestly having to be a single mum overnight ahh I just can imagine, there are some lovely women who are in the same situation as you so hopefully they will be able to give you more advice, I know there are places that can offer you advice and support so I'm sure you will be given some great suggestions
As for now look how far you have come and no matter what you will find the strength to help you
Sending huge hugs xx
DevestatedWife I've just read your post and my heart is breaking for you. Events like birthdays etc are a time when everything just seems so much worse. You had such dreams for the future, dreams that have now become shattered and you have so much to try and come to terms with.
I am pleased to know that you have support around you, but I realise that no one can take the place of your OH, your soulmate.
Sadly I can't answer your question of when it gets easier but I can promise you it eventually will. It could even be that SS will eventually allow your son to have supervised contact with his Dad if that is what you want and is what is in the best interest of your child.
It saddens me to know how alone you are feeling and I want to let you know that I hear you and understand what you are going through.
I am pleased to know that you have support around you, but I realise that no one can take the place of your OH, your soulmate.
Sadly I can't answer your question of when it gets easier but I can promise you it eventually will. It could even be that SS will eventually allow your son to have supervised contact with his Dad if that is what you want and is what is in the best interest of your child.
It saddens me to know how alone you are feeling and I want to let you know that I hear you and understand what you are going through.
Hope you're ok devastated mum. My person sounds like a similarly loved and charismatic person to yours, although I am 'luckier' with the lesser offences. It's so difficult and I'm thinking of you and your beautiful baby. You will get through this somehow x
Hi Everything hurts, I'm so sorry you are going through this, you can feel your pain. You are greveing the loss of the person you knew, you didn't know the other side only the loving, thoughtful person you was in a relationship with. so effectively they're two seperate people for you. you're trying to literally get your head around what you heard and putting these 2 versions of the person you loved into one person. I'm glad you have people around you and a therapist to process this with. Sending you lots of love.
I'm very new here so can't offer any advice, but I can offer solidarity. My husband was arrested three weeks ago (he phoned the police after I discovered some adult photos and confronted him, then it all came pouring out). I totally get the way you're feeling torn, as I feel that too. He's my life, we've been together for 20 years and have been so happy, he's a kind and caring person who's looked after me through illness, we've had some wonderful times together and get along brilliantly, and my family love him too.
But now this. There's a whole other side of him I never thought remotely possible and he's hidden so much from me all the time we've been together.
I don't know if I can stay with him long-term, how can I ever trust him, but for now we still live together (he's in the spare room) and we work together (we're self-employed with our own business). He's following the LF modules and getting mental health support from his GP, so we're just taking it one day at a time for now.
Sending hugs x
But now this. There's a whole other side of him I never thought remotely possible and he's hidden so much from me all the time we've been together.
I don't know if I can stay with him long-term, how can I ever trust him, but for now we still live together (he's in the spare room) and we work together (we're self-employed with our own business). He's following the LF modules and getting mental health support from his GP, so we're just taking it one day at a time for now.
Sending hugs x
Your post is heartbreaking and I send on my support and love.
it's all been said by our lovely ladies above, but we understand how you feel it's horrendous- the sheer shock when you find out what's being going on under your nose is like an atom bomb has ripped through your life. It certainly feels like a bereavement and it is.
Im sending you a very warm hug, it definitely won't seem it, at the moment, - but you will survive this I promise xxxx
it's all been said by our lovely ladies above, but we understand how you feel it's horrendous- the sheer shock when you find out what's being going on under your nose is like an atom bomb has ripped through your life. It certainly feels like a bereavement and it is.
Im sending you a very warm hug, it definitely won't seem it, at the moment, - but you will survive this I promise xxxx
Anniversaries are hard, all of this is hard, I am so sorry for what is happening to you and I want to send you a hug and solidarity .
xx
xx
Sending you a heartfelt hug xx
Sending you a big hug xx
At the risk of smothering you, can I send you another hug please?
These early days are really the worst especially when you're being told some awful stuff by the police. I think that's one of the worst fears for all of us, that there will be revelations we weren'aware of. I still have that fear about our son because this realisation about what he's been doing shook us up so much that I'm scared to totally trust him 'just in case'.
On here we totally understand how you must be feeling even if our situations are different, and Christmas is such a trigger for people remembering the past and the bleakness of the here and now. You obviously have some friends and family in your life so lean on them lots and use us for venting those things you feel they can't possibly understand. You are not alone.
Anyway, here is the hug............ x
These early days are really the worst especially when you're being told some awful stuff by the police. I think that's one of the worst fears for all of us, that there will be revelations we weren'aware of. I still have that fear about our son because this realisation about what he's been doing shook us up so much that I'm scared to totally trust him 'just in case'.
On here we totally understand how you must be feeling even if our situations are different, and Christmas is such a trigger for people remembering the past and the bleakness of the here and now. You obviously have some friends and family in your life so lean on them lots and use us for venting those things you feel they can't possibly understand. You are not alone.
Anyway, here is the hug............ x
Thank you ladies. Your understanding, support and hugs mean a lot xxxx
Devastated
I hope today has been better for.you x
Never forget you are not alone, you have us to lean on x
I hope today has been better for.you x
Never forget you are not alone, you have us to lean on x
Hello Devastated,
I have just read your post and want to offer my heartfelt thoughts to you. There are so many dimensions to what has happened and I imagine you are trying to process every dimension at the same time. Becoming a new parent is hard enough, whilst our babies bring us so much joy it is still a life changing event and we need time to adjust to becoming a new Mummy but to have all of this on top just about drains every little bit of joy you must have felt. As someone else has said it is the worst possible grief you are going through, the grief of the person you thought you knew being in your life and grief for the future. You are so upset for your little boy too and that sadness comes across so strongly in your post. It is good you have people around you to support you and help you get through this trauma, it is so hard to see any future atm but believe me whilst life is very different and not what we planned it can get easier over time and you will find a new normal. You have a beautiful little boy to focus on now and you will get through this for him. It is good you are having therapy, I really don't know how I would have survived without it and got through to where we are today.
With lots of love and always feel free to pm.
Katie xxx
I have just read your post and want to offer my heartfelt thoughts to you. There are so many dimensions to what has happened and I imagine you are trying to process every dimension at the same time. Becoming a new parent is hard enough, whilst our babies bring us so much joy it is still a life changing event and we need time to adjust to becoming a new Mummy but to have all of this on top just about drains every little bit of joy you must have felt. As someone else has said it is the worst possible grief you are going through, the grief of the person you thought you knew being in your life and grief for the future. You are so upset for your little boy too and that sadness comes across so strongly in your post. It is good you have people around you to support you and help you get through this trauma, it is so hard to see any future atm but believe me whilst life is very different and not what we planned it can get easier over time and you will find a new normal. You have a beautiful little boy to focus on now and you will get through this for him. It is good you are having therapy, I really don't know how I would have survived without it and got through to where we are today.
With lots of love and always feel free to pm.
Katie xxx
Thank you so much xxx
Hope you're feeling a little better today . Sending you a massive virtual hug Xx