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Everything hurts

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DevastatedWife

Member since
December 2022

40 posts

Post deleted by user


Posted Mon November 13, 2023 2:19pm
Edited Sun January 14, 2024 3:29pmReport post

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2496 posts

Devastatedwife

I wish I could give you some answers but I cant , but what I can say is how you have poured your heart out in your post and that it is extremely powerful, but also full of such sadness and for that I am sorry,

Does it get better, it becomes more manageable to live with, as my son is the offender so a different situation and honestly having to be a single mum overnight ahh I just can imagine, there are some lovely women who are in the same situation as you so hopefully they will be able to give you more advice, I know there are places that can offer you advice and support so I'm sure you will be given some great suggestions

As for now look how far you have come and no matter what you will find the strength to help you

Sending huge hugs xx

Posted Mon November 13, 2023 3:09pmReport post

Ocean

Member since
September 2023

946 posts

DevestatedWife I've just read your post and my heart is breaking for you. Events like birthdays etc are a time when everything just seems so much worse. You had such dreams for the future, dreams that have now become shattered and you have so much to try and come to terms with.
I am pleased to know that you have support around you, but I realise that no one can take the place of your OH, your soulmate.
Sadly I can't answer your question of when it gets easier but I can promise you it eventually will. It could even be that SS will eventually allow your son to have supervised contact with his Dad if that is what you want and is what is in the best interest of your child.
It saddens me to know how alone you are feeling and I want to let you know that I hear you and understand what you are going through.

Posted Mon November 13, 2023 8:50pm
Edited Wed November 15, 2023 10:00pmReport post

Inthemoment

Member since
February 2023

388 posts

Hope you're ok devastated mum. My person sounds like a similarly loved and charismatic person to yours, although I am 'luckier' with the lesser offences. It's so difficult and I'm thinking of you and your beautiful baby. You will get through this somehow x

Posted Mon November 13, 2023 9:09pmReport post

Just want an end to it

Member since
October 2023

226 posts

Hi Everything hurts, I'm so sorry you are going through this, you can feel your pain. You are greveing the loss of the person you knew, you didn't know the other side only the loving, thoughtful person you was in a relationship with. so effectively they're two seperate people for you. you're trying to literally get your head around what you heard and putting these 2 versions of the person you loved into one person. I'm glad you have people around you and a therapist to process this with. Sending you lots of love.

Posted Mon November 13, 2023 10:12pmReport post

LostAndTorn

Member since
November 2023

72 posts

I'm very new here so can't offer any advice, but I can offer solidarity. My husband was arrested three weeks ago (he phoned the police after I discovered some adult photos and confronted him, then it all came pouring out). I totally get the way you're feeling torn, as I feel that too. He's my life, we've been together for 20 years and have been so happy, he's a kind and caring person who's looked after me through illness, we've had some wonderful times together and get along brilliantly, and my family love him too.

But now this. There's a whole other side of him I never thought remotely possible and he's hidden so much from me all the time we've been together.

I don't know if I can stay with him long-term, how can I ever trust him, but for now we still live together (he's in the spare room) and we work together (we're self-employed with our own business). He's following the LF modules and getting mental health support from his GP, so we're just taking it one day at a time for now.

Sending hugs x

Posted Mon November 13, 2023 10:19pmReport post

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2731 posts

Your post is heartbreaking and I send on my support and love.

it's all been said by our lovely ladies above, but we understand how you feel it's horrendous- the sheer shock when you find out what's being going on under your nose is like an atom bomb has ripped through your life. It certainly feels like a bereavement and it is.

Im sending you a very warm hug, it definitely won't seem it, at the moment, - but you will survive this I promise xxxx

Posted Tue November 14, 2023 4:11am
Edited Tue November 14, 2023 4:16amReport post

K4

Member since
October 2022

623 posts

Anniversaries are hard, all of this is hard, I am so sorry for what is happening to you and I want to send you a hug and solidarity .



xx

Posted Tue November 14, 2023 5:55amReport post

Caggie164

Member since
October 2023

335 posts

Sending you a heartfelt hug xx

Posted Tue November 14, 2023 9:05amReport post

Dory2502

Member since
July 2023

43 posts

Sending you a big hug xx

Posted Tue November 14, 2023 9:59amReport post

rainyday52

Member since
April 2023

536 posts

At the risk of smothering you, can I send you another hug please?

These early days are really the worst especially when you're being told some awful stuff by the police. I think that's one of the worst fears for all of us, that there will be revelations we weren'aware of. I still have that fear about our son because this realisation about what he's been doing shook us up so much that I'm scared to totally trust him 'just in case'.

On here we totally understand how you must be feeling even if our situations are different, and Christmas is such a trigger for people remembering the past and the bleakness of the here and now. You obviously have some friends and family in your life so lean on them lots and use us for venting those things you feel they can't possibly understand. You are not alone.

Anyway, here is the hug............ x

Posted Tue November 14, 2023 10:17am
Edited Tue November 14, 2023 10:19amReport post

DevastatedWife

Member since
December 2022

40 posts

Thank you ladies. Your understanding, support and hugs mean a lot xxxx

Posted Tue November 14, 2023 12:30pmReport post

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2496 posts

Devastated

I hope today has been better for.you x

Never forget you are not alone, you have us to lean on x

Posted Tue November 14, 2023 8:06pmReport post

Katie28

Member since
December 2021

197 posts

Hello Devastated,

I have just read your post and want to offer my heartfelt thoughts to you. There are so many dimensions to what has happened and I imagine you are trying to process every dimension at the same time. Becoming a new parent is hard enough, whilst our babies bring us so much joy it is still a life changing event and we need time to adjust to becoming a new Mummy but to have all of this on top just about drains every little bit of joy you must have felt. As someone else has said it is the worst possible grief you are going through, the grief of the person you thought you knew being in your life and grief for the future. You are so upset for your little boy too and that sadness comes across so strongly in your post. It is good you have people around you to support you and help you get through this trauma, it is so hard to see any future atm but believe me whilst life is very different and not what we planned it can get easier over time and you will find a new normal. You have a beautiful little boy to focus on now and you will get through this for him. It is good you are having therapy, I really don't know how I would have survived without it and got through to where we are today.
With lots of love and always feel free to pm.

Katie xxx

Posted Wed November 15, 2023 11:45amReport post

DevastatedWife

Member since
December 2022

40 posts

Thank you so much xxx

Posted Sun November 19, 2023 6:35pmReport post

Living this nightmare

Member since
April 2023

37 posts

Hope you're feeling a little better today . Sending you a massive virtual hug Xx

Posted Mon November 20, 2023 3:03pmReport post

Quick exit