Why me?!
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we were engaged in September 22 and we've been planning our wedding for august 24'... 2 weeks ago we had the knock, my fiancé has been communicating with a 14 year old. He's taking responsibility for what he has done but also with a huge blame on his mental health which he has never opened up to me about. But I've also found out in this that he's been behind my back talking to females online for around a year.
yesterday confirmed there's been no other evidence found on his devices....
Theres no way I can stay but I am so so hurt, confused and cannot switch off the love overnight...
yesterday confirmed there's been no other evidence found on his devices....
Theres no way I can stay but I am so so hurt, confused and cannot switch off the love overnight...
Hi Silver, we understand your pain and confusion in these early days. They are the absolute pits.
It's good that your person is admitting/accepting his guilt and it's right to recognise that mental health issues can be a huge influence, but I hope that this isn't being used as an excuse by your person because that is a form of denial. Many on here will have situations where this is what happens at first but with help many offenders come to realise their own fault, and take responsibility for that and recognise the hurt they've caused to both their family and the victims, so I would really encourage him to work through the modules on the LFF website and even find a therapist to help him explore his actions. If that's already happening then he's doing the right thing and sorry to sound a bit hard on him.
Also I'm sure there will be other partners on here to descibe their own situations, (I'm a mum so it's different dynamics) whether they stayed, left or changed their mind as time went on and I think they would all say that the main thing is not to rush into anything although it's hard to do that when your emotions are all over the place - that's when this forum can help as nobody will ever be critical if you keep changing your mind in posts. Alternatively, if you stick to your decision to leave then that is fine too, no jusgment from us here..... xxx
It's good that your person is admitting/accepting his guilt and it's right to recognise that mental health issues can be a huge influence, but I hope that this isn't being used as an excuse by your person because that is a form of denial. Many on here will have situations where this is what happens at first but with help many offenders come to realise their own fault, and take responsibility for that and recognise the hurt they've caused to both their family and the victims, so I would really encourage him to work through the modules on the LFF website and even find a therapist to help him explore his actions. If that's already happening then he's doing the right thing and sorry to sound a bit hard on him.
Also I'm sure there will be other partners on here to descibe their own situations, (I'm a mum so it's different dynamics) whether they stayed, left or changed their mind as time went on and I think they would all say that the main thing is not to rush into anything although it's hard to do that when your emotions are all over the place - that's when this forum can help as nobody will ever be critical if you keep changing your mind in posts. Alternatively, if you stick to your decision to leave then that is fine too, no jusgment from us here..... xxx
I am so so sorry that this has happened to you. I'm eight weeks since arrest. The advice not to rush into anything is such good advice. We're living separately now ( I moved out - it was easier and I had more options) we're still in contact though, in person and messaging I am undecided long term what I want to do so just taking one day at a time. Get as much support as you can x
Hi Silver, you have been through a huge shock and your feelings and emotions will be all over the place.
There are various reasons why people find themselves communicating with others on line and most communication will be with other adults. Sadly a small number of people will then find themselves communicating with someone under age and because they have a form of addiction carry on until they are caught.
Please don't think I am in any way trying to make excuses for what they have done. I have worked hard to gain some understanding in why this behaviour continues to the point it does.
I understand that you are hurt and confused, you'll be feeling betrayed and let down but like you say, you can't just switch your love for your person off. The journey your person has now found himself on is a long one. So there is no rush for you to make any important decisions. Take your time, look after yourself and come back onto the forum whenever you need support. We're all here for you.
There are various reasons why people find themselves communicating with others on line and most communication will be with other adults. Sadly a small number of people will then find themselves communicating with someone under age and because they have a form of addiction carry on until they are caught.
Please don't think I am in any way trying to make excuses for what they have done. I have worked hard to gain some understanding in why this behaviour continues to the point it does.
I understand that you are hurt and confused, you'll be feeling betrayed and let down but like you say, you can't just switch your love for your person off. The journey your person has now found himself on is a long one. So there is no rush for you to make any important decisions. Take your time, look after yourself and come back onto the forum whenever you need support. We're all here for you.
I'm so sorry and I can totally understand the conflict you're feeling. I'm a month in, we're still living and working together at our business, though we're now sleeping in separate rooms, but I don't know what the future holds for us. I hate what he's done but equally can't turn my feelings off. He's working through the LFF modules and finding them a big help, and is seeing a mental health nurse to talk about other stuff like drinking and anxiety. I knew nothing about any of it and we've been together 20 years. The others' advice to take things one day at a time and not make hasty decisions is good advice, and the support here is incredible.