It gets worse
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Not only have I learned in the last month that my husband of 20 years had been viewing photos of children online on and off for most of our time together (along with adult porn, drinking, and taking graphic photos of himself) but today I've learned that he'd also been watching and downloading videos of children being abused. Apparently it's all on memory sticks that the police have. He says he never did anything in person and never shared anything but, in my book, by watching these awful videos he's given those adults permission to do it.
I know everyone says not to make any rush decisions, but I can't possibly see how I can stay with him long-term.
But I have to be pragmatic in the short-term as we own a house, live together (he's in the spare room and has nowhere else to go), and own a business together. I need to somehow get through the next few months like this, as our business is closing next year (not because of this situation). The way I see it, if I can get through until then without anyone outside of our immediate families finding out, and somehow find myself a new job so I have finanical stability, then I can make the big decisions about the future, selling the house, moving, divorce... but I think my mind's already made up.
I'm so ashamed of him and what he's done and saddened by the whole situation. We've had such brilliant, happy times over the years and been soul mates but now that's all sullied. I didn't have a clue that any of this was happening.
Not entirely sure what the point of my post is, I just wanted to write it down where others understand.
I know everyone says not to make any rush decisions, but I can't possibly see how I can stay with him long-term.
But I have to be pragmatic in the short-term as we own a house, live together (he's in the spare room and has nowhere else to go), and own a business together. I need to somehow get through the next few months like this, as our business is closing next year (not because of this situation). The way I see it, if I can get through until then without anyone outside of our immediate families finding out, and somehow find myself a new job so I have finanical stability, then I can make the big decisions about the future, selling the house, moving, divorce... but I think my mind's already made up.
I'm so ashamed of him and what he's done and saddened by the whole situation. We've had such brilliant, happy times over the years and been soul mates but now that's all sullied. I didn't have a clue that any of this was happening.
Not entirely sure what the point of my post is, I just wanted to write it down where others understand.
So sorry this is happening to you.
Not too sure what to say only to make sure you look after yourself. x
Not too sure what to say only to make sure you look after yourself. x
Oh Lost, sorry to hear this. Sending you strength and my absolute best wishes.
the betrayal is immense x
the betrayal is immense x
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Thanks Webb, K4 and Parker. He's not making any excuses for his actions, he knows how wrong it all is and that he's ruined everything and let everyone down. He's working through the LFF modules and seeking mental health support, which is good, but I just don't see how there can be a long-term future now I know what he's been hiding all this time. Part of me feels sorry for him (I can't just switch off my feelings) but a bigger part feels disgusted and as though he's a complete stranger.
I see my OH as two people. The one I married and the stranger who has done this. I am struggling to make a decision to leave or stay. I want to stay with the man i married but leave the man who has done this. But as its the same person my dilemma continues. It is just so hard to stop loving the person who you thought they were especially as deep down they are the same person. Not sure if i am making sense here.
You're making perfect sense, Webb. I know how you feel and I've been swaying one way and then the other for the last month hoping the 'good' side that I know and love is stronger than the 'bad' side, but if it is surely he could've stopped or got help to stop sooner. I just can't get my head around how he's been leading this double life his whole life and I didn't have a single clue. But today's revelation is too much, I can't see how I can ever forgive him.
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