Family and Friends Forum

Hi - yes I'm sure we all echo your comments Upset as we send our love to WeeWitch, it really has touched us all and I feel very proud of all the comments that were posted, full of love and compassion for our dear friend. So very sad.

I've had a good week that has certainly flown by.

son is great - been busy breaking up concrete with a lump hammer as they create a new area in the prison grounds. The hard work and focus is good for him......

Look forward to reading your posts on this great thread x

OH had plea hearing earlier in the week and it made the press, so it's been a bit tricky.



however, the support of everyone here and on **the other forum** has been absolutely tremendous and I am just about OK.



Glad to hear your sons are doing well, Upset and Smile. I am thinking of WeeWitch a lot this week too.



have a smashing weekend all

xx

Thank you Upset I think you echo the feelings of all of us here in sending our condolences and love to WeeWitch at this terribly sad time xx

I'm pleased to hear that the hungry caterpillar is doing well and that Smile's son is also doing ok.

This week has flown by and has been a good one-I had a day out with my son which was so good for both of us.

Wishing everyone a good weekend and as always love and strength to you all xxx

Hi, I also echo everyone's comments, it is so sad. When one of the parents from the school I work at came to pick up her son, she was in a state as she had witnessed a man jumping off a bridge on the journey down, it was a 17 year old lad, so tragic.

My OH bail was extended for another 3 months this week. The message was that there was a few more pictures that they needed to look at.

We've signed up to have milk (in glass bottles, like the old days) and other groceries delivered. It's the first week and it was going well until today when we didn't receive our milk and crumpets as a weekend treat, so now we are short of milk for the weekend.

Enjoy your weekend everyone x

I agree, it broke my heart that Weewitch is going through this. No mama should have to. I hope she has support around her.

My son has crown court next week, I met the barrister and have faith in her (not easy when you really every fight in 19 years with his autisum I have fault and now I have to hand it over) but she has amazing knoledge off the law, autisum and specalises in young adults. I feel like I just want us to skip the day and just get the outcome, but we have got through this far and will get through the day. I am praying no press, his a young lad, that has made a mistake and learnt so much this year, counselling, courses etc, every suggestion he has grabbed and learnt alot about his offence and grow. I really hope that its left a lone so he can serve his punisment with the lessons learnt and move on.

My thoughts have also been with WeeWitch since reading her heartbreaking post. It has certainly put things back into perspective for me.

I've had a good week. We had a family event last weekend at home. Although it was only close family members, my son remained part of it and engaged, which is big progress for him. He also had a job interview this week. When asked why he'd left his previous job he told the truth and said that the interview panel did nothing to make him feel ashamed. He said not being openly judged when telling the truth had given him a real confidence boost.

I'll be spending this weekend supervising for the grandchildren and then it's back to work on Monday.

I'm exhausted today I just want to sleep all the time but I have so much to do with this emergency flat and it's mould. Crown next week though. So hopefully an end in sight of that chapter. Once it's done I hope we can start to process and move on.
On a lighter note we are going to the cinema tonight for a late night movie showing that should be fun if I can stay awake ha x

Hello Friday check in

So sad to read the post from Weewitch. There should be no one who thinks that the only solution is to end their life. That is what I dread most as my OH is still suicidal.

My week has been good but not eventual. Just taking my dogs out for a walk. Going to work.

Going to my first xmas market tomorrow and have a xmas party next week. So some nice things to look forward to. I hope everyone has a nice week. X

Hi ladies

Love the Friday check in.

I also echo everyone's thoughts about wee witch's son. Such heartbreaking news. To others who haven't had the best of weeks I send you strength. x

I've had a good week. Back to full hours at work and coped well. Glad to be in my usual routine again.

Did some more Christmas shopping.

Just waiting for my OH to bring round fish and chips for tea. We've had a few meals together at my new place this week and it's been nice.

Hope everyone has a good weekend x

My thoughts are also with WeeWitch, I hope she is getting good support at this awful time

Also sorry to hear about the media covering another forum users persons case, I hope few people read it and that you don't get any repercussions

Our week has been calmer than the last but following the suspension my person's work have asked him to attend a fact find hearing and we are anxious as we don't really know what that entails or whether he could be dismissed during it. It's hard to know whether to resign immediately or not

In the moment

My person has just been through this. Two meetings. Just be prepared. My OH said it obviously wasn't pleasant. In the first meeting they wanted to show the vigilante video but he refused citing mental health issues. The second meeting was a bit of a repeat of the first. He wasn't dismissed during the meeting but received an email a few days later. I hope your persons is a more favourable conclusion x

Good evening ladies xx

WeeWitch's tragic loss this week resonates with many of us, I think, whose OH's potentially walk that same path. During my counselling session this week, I'm reminded of one low point my OH has already faced since the knock (during which he says he contemplated ended it all) and those I fear he will almost inevitably face at some point in the next year or two.

On to cheerier things and I'm using up annual leave at the moment so no work for me. I've started to clear out my wardrobe which is a long overdue chore. Must part with some for the charity shop.

My person said he wished he'd resigned but you just don't know how it will go. He could have been deployed elsewhere in a different job but they decided otherwise x

I'm doing okay Upset and surprisingly so is my OH. Thought this setback would just make him feel down but he just said he hasn't got any choice. It's just the new norm at the moment with him going out the house when I go to bed as he's not allowed to sleep here with us having a daughter under 18. But I'm just fed up of not just nipping out and having some time on my own. Either my OH comes with me and my daughter stays at home or my daughter comes with me and being 15 she doesn't want to. The one time I do have to myself is the knitting and crochet group I go to on Wednesdays, my daughter usually stays at home while my OH has to find something to do for 2 hours. But this week my daughter came with me as she has her mock GCSEs this week and had revision to do - she said she would get more done at the pub I go to than she would if she was at home cos she would just be watching Tele.

I also remember birds pecking at the milk tops. When we didn't receive our order and I complained, they said there has been known to be theft by wildlife. The wildlife must be really bad where we live. I had visions of foxes carrying the bottles lol

Hello put there I'm a newbie hereand speechless at the process my oh has had crown and awaiting sentencing he's remanded. Devastated beyond belief when he had over 400 pages of evidence to support his case but less than 10 were even submitted. Hey ho here we all are in the same battling boat. Had my first video session today and itvwas good to see him jovial and upbeat. He has his moments I'm sure. God knows how long he is going to be away for. Social workers in short supply so sentencing will be put back like the rest of them in his establishment. Visiting is proving difficult I'm in Ireland he's on the mainland.. utter nightmare

So sad to read WeeWitch's news, my heart goes out to them.

I've not had a good week, having discovered a bit more about OH's actions and how he's watched and downloaded photos and videos of children being abused by adults. I keep asking myself if that makes him a P?

I feel trapped, like I have to 'babysit' him 24/7 in case he finds a way of going back to those things, even though I've password protected my laptop and Kindle that the police returned and my phone. Part of me wants to support him - I feel for him, appreciate he's so very sorry and is seeking help - but I can barely look at him and part of me wishes he could move out. But he has nowhere to go and we have to be practical because of finances and our business.

My heart is broken and I can't see a future for us as a couple. I'm scared and angry and so very, very sad for the past that's now sullied and the future I thought we had together that he's robbed from me.

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Hi ladies - can't believe that another week has passed by.

I have Weewitch on my mind so much at the moment and hope that if by any chance she reads this thread she can feel a tiny bit of the love and compassion we are all sending her.

As for my week, nothing much event-wise to speak of apart from yesterday when I was having my covid/flu jab and stupidly assumed it was at a certain pharmacy - it wasn't!!! As my husband often tells me 'assuming something is likely to make an ass out of you and me'. Well, this time it was just me who was the ass! I hotfooted it to the right place and as they were running late I was OK but now I feel rubbish, which serves me right as I told the young man giving me the jab that I rarely get a reaction. Famous last words. I know I'm feeling rough as our Sainsbury's order has just arrived and they'd substituted a cauliflower for 2 cabbages and I nearly cried about it. How ridiculous!!!

Anyway, we are looking forward to next week as our youngest is coming from far away to see us. I saw her recently but my OH hasn't seen her for over a year. I'm slightly anxious about her and our son as she has been a bit distant with him since his arrest, not surprising but I'd hate the atmosohere to be tense when we just want to be family together. However he had a message from her yesterday bridging the gap between them so I was very thankful for that.

I'm also thrilled to discover that there's a new season of The Gilded Age on Sky so watching that is my aim for today (if you haven't heard of it, it's about NYC high society at the start of the industrial age and written by Julian fellowes so has a Downton Abbey feel to it) Oh and Strictly from Blackpool tonight!

Upset - again, thank you for doing this weekly check-in. Hope you let us know when that caterpillar turns into a chrysallis!!!!

Smile - great to hear your son has had a good week.

A hug sent to you, K4 as you navigate a tricky time, one we all dread.

Seaside - lovely to hear you've had some quality time with your son.

Dawn - strength and patience as you go into another stretch of bail.

Just - great to hear you have a good and understanding solicitor on the case for you.

Ocean - lovely news about your son settling back into family life and his bravery at his interview.

Devastated - look after yourself and I hope you can rest up (but managed to stay awake at the cinema)

Webb - enjoy your Christmassy events!

Caggie - hope the fish and chips were yummy. We were planning to have them tonight so hope I feel well enough or I'll be very cross with myself!

Inthemoment - fact finding sounds ominously scary for you both so hope you can decide about whether or not to resign and feel it's the best decision.

Runaway - I understand how good it can feel to sort out clothes but hope you can get some down time for yourself too.

Lostandtorn - so sorry your week has brought new and nasty surprises. Sending a big hug your way.

Parkerpoo - positivity is such a good thing in the midst of all our despair. Hope it remains and spreads to other areas of your life.

Lots of love to everyone and sorry this post is so long xxx

Hi lost and torn, you can get accountability apps - we have one, feel free to message me for the details. You download it into your oh devices and it sends an alert to you if he looks at anything suspicious. My oh has had it 11 months and I am confident it works as we've tested it eg texting words like boobs to each other and it picks it up. It means he has not looked at porn in 11 months and certainly no illegal content. He went through withdrawal from porn which was hard but he's in a much better place now. It is a bit of babysitting but I don't have to actively do anything - I check it more thoroughly once a week but it alerts me anyway if anything suspicious comes up

Also just wanted to say most men that look at these material are not Ps - which means they have a primary sexual interest in pre pubescent children. The literature cited by LFF suggested 3% of men who look at online materials go on to contact offend which is obviously 3% too many (and obviously the online offending is abhorrent and abusive in itself) but gave me some hope

Porn can also warp your perception of your sexuality. Highly recommend reading or listening to your brain on porn

Hi In the moment, would you mind if I message you for the name of the App you use on your OH devices. I currently have control over his phone and it such hard work unlocking it for him to use. Thank you xx

Lonely and bewildered no problem message away (happy for anyone to message me, I usually check the forum once a day), I believe there's several apps, we pay a small monthly fee for ours (first month had a free trial period) and it's worked really well, gives me real peace of mind