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Flower

Member since
February 2023

104 posts

Posted Sat November 18, 2023 5:07pmReport post

Hi ladies.

I hope everyone is doing well. At the moment I am not. I've had police turned up unannounced, to give us an update on the investigation, because I am pregnant.

They told us 5figure IIOC recovered (assuming figures are due bulk downloading etc) and being graded and case will be passed on to cps before the baby is born.

I guess I was hoping it would be many years before they got back to us. I don't know if there is a difference between 1 and 10,000 when it comes to sentencing.

I can't seem to shake of a tension headache, especially with limited paracetomol. I just wants us to be able to continue to live together, I'm ok with supervising at all times. As I do now.

I can't even get my head around the update, weather it means bad news, or just that, an update.

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2403 posts

Posted Sat November 18, 2023 5:45pmReport post

Flower x

I am so sorry this has caused you even more pain and worry,

No advise other than ensure you look after yourself , it's a huge shock when you are told more details of his offences but as we have no control in any of this

Try to calm your mind (easily said I know)

A long soak in a nice warm bath, pjs on and an early night in bed if possible x

Sending hugs xx

K4

Member since
October 2022

611 posts

Posted Sun November 19, 2023 6:20amReport post

Oh Flower, I am so sorry to hear this.



I have found that any new information puts me right back to day one, but each time I bounce back more quickly.



have you been able to access much support? (LFF helpline, stopso counselling, circles in the South west and east, Talking Forward?).



tale care of yourself, pregnancy is hard enough without any of this. Sending you hugs and strength



xx

rainyday52

Member since
April 2023

447 posts

Posted Sun November 19, 2023 10:43amReport post

Hi there!

This is a scenario we are preparing for re the bulk downloading of images as our son has described something similar to us. It doesn't seem to mean that those are all what he was specifically searching for but of course that is no excuse.

Purely speculation on my part, but the reports of police telling someone of a definite timeline in their case, which turned out to be true, although I know that it might be so, is very rare on here. I honestly don't know why they might not be honest (I hesitate to say 'lie') unless it's to sound like they're being efficient when they know how backlogged everything is. It's something I've found very hard to deal with to be honest.

As for turning up out of the blue, of course they can do whatever they like in terms of contacting you I guess, (unless you have a solicitor as then they should do everything via them) but it sounds very much a 'let's catch you off guard' tactic and when they presumably know that you're pregnant it just feels very unwise to me in terms of duty of care to you and your baby. Hope the shock factor hasn't affected your health. I'd be inclined to write to them asking them not to turn up again like this without telling you first.

Big hug xxxx

Caggie164

Member since
October 2023

274 posts

Posted Sun November 19, 2023 11:18amReport post

As echoed in the other messages, make sure you look after yourself and baby.

The uncertainty of everything is the worst part in all of this. If it was a case of if you do (a) then (b) will happen and the outcome was (c) and was consistent but it doesn't seem it happens that way.

Sending you hugs x

Flower

Member since
February 2023

104 posts

Posted Sun November 19, 2023 12:30pmReport post

Thank you everyone.

I've simply not managed to process what had happened. People flashing me a badge, knowing my name, asking to come in for a chat (asking, but it's not optional is it!?). It's all very knock-like. K4 is spot on.

I don't know if these large numbers of evidence recovered change perspective outcomes. Is it worse that there are so many. Does it make it likelier for custodial. Will it affect social services judgement. So many questions yet no body can answer as no two cases or outcomes are the same.

Have they come around and given me bad news? or just come around and given me nothing but an update.. ? I can't even decide. What purpose has this update served? And is given to me because I am pregnant - so far all they said was "we aren't discussing his case with you".

Rainy Day, I have asked they call me next time they want to come around.. not sure if this will happen. There has been so many different officers in charge of investigation over time because we are told its not line of work people want to stay in. I can understant that.

I feel so... defeated.

Edited Sun November 19, 2023 12:34pm

edel2020

Member since
March 2022

373 posts

Posted Mon November 20, 2023 10:22amReport post

The thing thats strange for me is why they disclose the details to some people and not to others.

Often, when family members ask the police for details of what the person has done, they are told, we cannot tell you anything , due to data protection rules.

But other times they can tell you? Why is there no consistency?

Melody8

Member since
March 2023

8 posts

Posted Thu November 23, 2023 10:30pmReport post

Hi

My OH TOLD me was a few thousand images. Turned up to plea and there was over 300.000 images!! Shocked to say the least. Never searched for them but downloaded in bulk with legal stuff not that it matters.



he has a tag for a year. 3 years in register and 280 hours community payback order



its been a nightmare and I have a child.

it wasn't in the papers either even tho press at the plea. But I honestly think that's coz I cried so much and they mentioned I had a child.



take things a day at a time and try not to overthink everything (easy for me to say)



here if u need anything



xx