Just Broken
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I received the knock 3 months ago. An ex partner, but we were still on great terms. Online activity with more than one minor. I didn't know at the time it was multiple, not that it excuses it, but as the numbers have increased, it just gets worse. He's had to move away and the effect on my children is huge as he was very much hands on. The time is passing and I feel stuck. I still very much love him but despite his reasonings, is there really an excuse for this? I feel like the last 20 years of my life are a lie and I clearly didn't know the person I thought he was. He's had affairs etc. Hence why we split, but this, this is a whole new situation. I'm trying to carry on, but it's so hard. Lying to my children, spending days hating him and then crying myself to sleep because I love him. Noone understands. I should hate him, forget him and move on apparently. If only it was that easy. This will be with us now for the rest of our lives and I just can't fathom a way on how to move forward. Still waiting for court case, the time frame for this situation is the worst. Bail dates keep moving, the uncertainty is a killer. I just feel alone and isolated.
So sorry to read about your situation. The knock happened 5 months ago for me. At that point I had been happily married for 30+ years. I won't let myself believe that all of those years were a lie or that good things didn't happen during that time. If I do I am writing off most of my life. To maintain my sanity and some part of my self-esteem, I won't believe that I got things so wrong for so long, and I am sure you didn't either. Don't let recent revelations define your former relationship. Yes, it will never be the same again but what has happened is just one (devastating) element of your time together. I hope I am not offending you by saying this.
It is very hard to remain positive in this situation. Yesterday was a bad day for me, but I feel slightly better today. You'll get some really good support and advice on this forum. Keep in touch.
It is very hard to remain positive in this situation. Yesterday was a bad day for me, but I feel slightly better today. You'll get some really good support and advice on this forum. Keep in touch.
Thank you Izzy. I'm sorry you are going through this too. Today is not a good day. The more I learn, the harder it is for me to comprehend how he could do this? Life has changed so much in these past few months and the future seems so uncertain. The fear of repercussions and judgement is huge. My children keep me going, but some days I could just give up. I don't know what I did to deserve this life, with this person who I forgave more times than many would, and look at how I'm repaid!
Hi Emma
The feelings you have are completely normal, of course your are now doubting everything but please don't forget this is only one part of the man you knew and while it's a terrible part it doesn't have to define him or you.
I felt horror, revulsion, shock, love, devastation - I questioned my whole life feeling it was all based on a lie but over a year down the line I can see that we did have some lovely times, I genuinely loved him and him me but he did this terrible thing which in turn had made him into someone I don't recognise him! My husband had lied all the way through and blamed others so makes it hard for me to like him very much at the moment but not everyone is like that!
You're still very early days and it's so tough, please make sure you look after yourself during this time xx
The feelings you have are completely normal, of course your are now doubting everything but please don't forget this is only one part of the man you knew and while it's a terrible part it doesn't have to define him or you.
I felt horror, revulsion, shock, love, devastation - I questioned my whole life feeling it was all based on a lie but over a year down the line I can see that we did have some lovely times, I genuinely loved him and him me but he did this terrible thing which in turn had made him into someone I don't recognise him! My husband had lied all the way through and blamed others so makes it hard for me to like him very much at the moment but not everyone is like that!
You're still very early days and it's so tough, please make sure you look after yourself during this time xx
I agree with everything that has been said. Also, I would say on bad days (which we are all having at some point) I try and focus on something good I want to do for ME that day. Yesterday was a dark day for me, but I kept going by looking forward to reading a 'Who done it' novel in bed that night....sleep does not always come easily. The book is escapism and is totally my choice and on my time. Today, is a little better but still not feeling great - uncertainty is a killer. But I am looking forward to immersing myself in a favourite TV programme tonight. Again a form of escapism. Little things break the negative thought cycle, if only for an hour or so!