I just can't cope
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Hey
I'm really struggling to wrap my head around this. What really helped you guys to accept kind of what happened and begin a healing process?
I feel like I'm stuck in the trauma and I can't escape. I just want to move on and be able to live at least one day without thinking our hurting about this.
Any advice is welcome, losing hope here.
I'm really struggling to wrap my head around this. What really helped you guys to accept kind of what happened and begin a healing process?
I feel like I'm stuck in the trauma and I can't escape. I just want to move on and be able to live at least one day without thinking our hurting about this.
Any advice is welcome, losing hope here.
I think the healing process is very much a very slow process which wont heal completely and leaves scars. It remains on your mind but after time it won't be paramount in your thoughts.
Life and experiences move on, you have to carry on with life's practical side and you start to have glimpses of having fun again, smiling and laughing. Enjoying time with friends and family that care about you. You meet new people.
As I've said before you eventually come to terms with the situation. Also you come to terms with the fact it's not your fault, why should you suffer through someone's bad life decisions, you only live once. I suppose you become a tad selfish.
i know there will no doubt be hurdles to overcome for my family, but I try my best not to overthink the future, there's nothing I can do about that.....I'll face that when it happens.
Im sure others will deal with this journey in a different way and will also advise xxxxxx
Life and experiences move on, you have to carry on with life's practical side and you start to have glimpses of having fun again, smiling and laughing. Enjoying time with friends and family that care about you. You meet new people.
As I've said before you eventually come to terms with the situation. Also you come to terms with the fact it's not your fault, why should you suffer through someone's bad life decisions, you only live once. I suppose you become a tad selfish.
i know there will no doubt be hurdles to overcome for my family, but I try my best not to overthink the future, there's nothing I can do about that.....I'll face that when it happens.
Im sure others will deal with this journey in a different way and will also advise xxxxxx
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I am so sorry that you're in this place.
i have posted it before but the thing that helped me live with the trauma from this all was the "ball in the box"; it is about grief but I think the principles still apply
https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-grief-ball-and-box-analogy
I also did the LFF course and some stop so counselling which have both helped me come to terms with everything too.
i can't say I'm fully better (as Parker and Smile said, some days are better than others and it takes time) but it is no longer my every waking thought.
x
i have posted it before but the thing that helped me live with the trauma from this all was the "ball in the box"; it is about grief but I think the principles still apply
https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-grief-ball-and-box-analogy
I also did the LFF course and some stop so counselling which have both helped me come to terms with everything too.
i can't say I'm fully better (as Parker and Smile said, some days are better than others and it takes time) but it is no longer my every waking thought.
x
Like everyone else has said, time is the best healer. You've had such a traumatic experience and everything you thought you knew is gone so it's no surprise you're having such difficulty processing it. Write down all your thoughts and feelings, I promise it really does help. Whenever I got really angry I'd scribble everything I wanted to scream down, pages of it and then I'd burn it outside in an old candle jar and I could feel the anger leave me.
At the beginning, and honestly for at least 2 years after, it seemed that my every waking thought was about what had happened, and I think you have to allow yourself this, because if you don't allow yourself time to process it, it will always be there in the background.What you resist will persist, so set time aside as often as you can to let yourself feel your emotions, to cry and to get angry. You need to do this, feel the feeling until it no longer needs to be felt, and only then healing will begin.
Keep reaching out to others on here, because it's good to feel connected to others who have been exactly where you are and can tell you that it will get easier, and it will, I promise xx
At the beginning, and honestly for at least 2 years after, it seemed that my every waking thought was about what had happened, and I think you have to allow yourself this, because if you don't allow yourself time to process it, it will always be there in the background.What you resist will persist, so set time aside as often as you can to let yourself feel your emotions, to cry and to get angry. You need to do this, feel the feeling until it no longer needs to be felt, and only then healing will begin.
Keep reaching out to others on here, because it's good to feel connected to others who have been exactly where you are and can tell you that it will get easier, and it will, I promise xx
I agree Louise a good cry does you good. It's like releasing a pressure valve.
The way I coped was different. I refused to accept his offences and I ended the relationship immediately. I was extremely upset for a while but now, 15 months down the line my life has moved on. I don't have any contact with him and don't feel that I have to inhabit that world .
It is my dad, so I feel like cutting contact doesn't work for me. Even if it did work, I just cannot put the trauma put of my head.
Finding out my dad did those things, completly shattered my world.
For everyone responding to me, thank you so much. Maybe some day I can post what worked for me. It will be the most glorious day.
Finding out my dad did those things, completly shattered my world.
For everyone responding to me, thank you so much. Maybe some day I can post what worked for me. It will be the most glorious day.
I've stayed with my partner. Yes at times I have felt like what the hell am I doing staying with him. But then I think before all this we were a happy family, yes the usual stresses of life with kids ( my kids are nearly 21 and 18 now). We've been together over 30 years so the way I see it I can't throw all that away. There has been a lot of rants at him and alot of tears but we have worked through it. It's hard if it's your Dad and you must have alot of different emotions but try and remember your Dad has done a bad thing but he isn't a bad person
Hi Daughterlost,
Have you tried writing a letter to your Dad? you don't have to send it if you don't want to but it can really help to start process that trauma, to just write it and tuck it in a draw or what ever you want to do with it. I'm sure there are so many feelings going round your head, your right it is a trauma. Mine was my Son, so different again, his young with autistic and I couldn't and didn't want to walk away so I went into fight mode, in true mama bear style and learnt everything I could about the offence, reasons etc. I think this got me through, no excuse for his actions, but extenuating curcumstances came into play and that was my focus. I also journaled my thoughts and feelings, had a note book at the side of my bed and let all them thoughts flow out, sometimes I kept them, sometimes ripped them up, jumped on them threw them at the wall, screamed at them!!! Whatever made me feel better at that point.
I also had my counsellor, and some professional friends that helped me though as well as my normal friendships, I picked the ones I told (Non judgemental, had neurodivergent kids so would understand)
I spoke to the help line alot and had a one 2 one with Ruth, this support was amazing, I cried, tried to rationalise it, got angry (not at them, but at the situation) had multiple emotions throughout the call and came off feeling so much better!
Some days, I sat on the settee and cried all day, as it was just to much, but the next day I came back fighting.
I hope you manage to find something that helps you escape for a little while (the gym, or a dog walk with a pod cast also let me escape, but I had to give the gym up towards sentancing, as much as I needed it, it also gave me to much time to think) Back at it now and it 100% helps my mental health.
Have you tried writing a letter to your Dad? you don't have to send it if you don't want to but it can really help to start process that trauma, to just write it and tuck it in a draw or what ever you want to do with it. I'm sure there are so many feelings going round your head, your right it is a trauma. Mine was my Son, so different again, his young with autistic and I couldn't and didn't want to walk away so I went into fight mode, in true mama bear style and learnt everything I could about the offence, reasons etc. I think this got me through, no excuse for his actions, but extenuating curcumstances came into play and that was my focus. I also journaled my thoughts and feelings, had a note book at the side of my bed and let all them thoughts flow out, sometimes I kept them, sometimes ripped them up, jumped on them threw them at the wall, screamed at them!!! Whatever made me feel better at that point.
I also had my counsellor, and some professional friends that helped me though as well as my normal friendships, I picked the ones I told (Non judgemental, had neurodivergent kids so would understand)
I spoke to the help line alot and had a one 2 one with Ruth, this support was amazing, I cried, tried to rationalise it, got angry (not at them, but at the situation) had multiple emotions throughout the call and came off feeling so much better!
Some days, I sat on the settee and cried all day, as it was just to much, but the next day I came back fighting.
I hope you manage to find something that helps you escape for a little while (the gym, or a dog walk with a pod cast also let me escape, but I had to give the gym up towards sentancing, as much as I needed it, it also gave me to much time to think) Back at it now and it 100% helps my mental health.