what could they have done?
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I am having really circular conversations with SS and my head
So from SS:
My OH viewed IIOC, and was caught but where could have it have gone if he was not caught? Communication, contact etc
how bad could have it been?He is a danger to children because of what he could have done (rather than the specifics of what he did do)
Addicts lie and always will
He could be "pretending" to recover anyway to avoid a harsh sentence
From him:
He was in the depth of porn addiction that he has pulled himself out of, he wasn’t aware really what he was doing with regard to images due to the addition.
He is grateful to have to opportunities for recovery now (and is 100% acting on this)
From me:
He will be dealt with by the criminal justice system
He will be punnished
He will have restrictions to check he doesn’t reoffend for a long time
He will hopefully be fully recovered and will never look at porn again or anything illegal
BUT
I am so confused…….about “what could he have done” if he wasn’t caught.
I am not sure if it will always be like this OR it is because we are waiting for devices to be searched so don’t really know what is going to be found (other than what he has said but that could be a lie - see earlier point about addicts lie!)?
How or when can we trust again?
Are SS judging me as I am choosing to trust him that he is choosing recovery for the right reason?
So from SS:
My OH viewed IIOC, and was caught but where could have it have gone if he was not caught? Communication, contact etc
how bad could have it been?He is a danger to children because of what he could have done (rather than the specifics of what he did do)
Addicts lie and always will
He could be "pretending" to recover anyway to avoid a harsh sentence
From him:
He was in the depth of porn addiction that he has pulled himself out of, he wasn’t aware really what he was doing with regard to images due to the addition.
He is grateful to have to opportunities for recovery now (and is 100% acting on this)
From me:
He will be dealt with by the criminal justice system
He will be punnished
He will have restrictions to check he doesn’t reoffend for a long time
He will hopefully be fully recovered and will never look at porn again or anything illegal
BUT
I am so confused…….about “what could he have done” if he wasn’t caught.
I am not sure if it will always be like this OR it is because we are waiting for devices to be searched so don’t really know what is going to be found (other than what he has said but that could be a lie - see earlier point about addicts lie!)?
How or when can we trust again?
Are SS judging me as I am choosing to trust him that he is choosing recovery for the right reason?
We could live off what-ifs all our lives! That an anxiety state of mind, all the hypotheticals.
Yep, what if? but that's not the case. Yes, what he did was wrong. There is an addiction and he should be given a chance to recover and prove himself in life. Accessing all the services etc. Mistakes are made, and hard lessons with huge prices are learned. I understand it is a huge worry for SS, but I feel making you live off what is isn't fair. How about explaining risks and what to look out for? how to look for signs etc so you can make informed decisions?
Yep, what if? but that's not the case. Yes, what he did was wrong. There is an addiction and he should be given a chance to recover and prove himself in life. Accessing all the services etc. Mistakes are made, and hard lessons with huge prices are learned. I understand it is a huge worry for SS, but I feel making you live off what is isn't fair. How about explaining risks and what to look out for? how to look for signs etc so you can make informed decisions?
I feel like the best way to counter this is with evidence
Lucy faithfull say around 3% of people who offend online go on to contact offend. So the what if is very low probability. Maybe ring the helpline and see if you can get more info on this? Or get the SW to!
Lucy faithfull say around 3% of people who offend online go on to contact offend. So the what if is very low probability. Maybe ring the helpline and see if you can get more info on this? Or get the SW to!