Feel unable to move on
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So, I am one year post knock practically to the day. OH was arrested and charged with attempting to communicate with a minor (police decoy). Inappropriate conversation and pictures sent. He's been through court and received SOR for a minimum of five years, community service and a fine.
Through this whole process I have been there for him, supported him and loved him because I knew his actions were a result of an insidious addiction and not a reflection of who he truly is. Even though his actions shattered my heart, our family and turned my world upside down, I gave so much of myself to make him feel reassured and loved and to bolster him up in his lowest moments.
Now, he decides it's time to face the fact that we have no future and it's time to let go of our marriage. I'm so angry and feel so used. In reality I know he's right, my children will never want contact with him again and any hope of future reconciliation between us would always be at the children's expense, and that's not a scenario I'm even prepared to consider. My children and their feelings will always come first.
I just feel he's had all the power through this whole hideous situation keeping me in a string and now he's casting me aside.
I desperately want to move on and let him go but I just don't know how. I feel like such a mug. How do you stop loving a person?
Through this whole process I have been there for him, supported him and loved him because I knew his actions were a result of an insidious addiction and not a reflection of who he truly is. Even though his actions shattered my heart, our family and turned my world upside down, I gave so much of myself to make him feel reassured and loved and to bolster him up in his lowest moments.
Now, he decides it's time to face the fact that we have no future and it's time to let go of our marriage. I'm so angry and feel so used. In reality I know he's right, my children will never want contact with him again and any hope of future reconciliation between us would always be at the children's expense, and that's not a scenario I'm even prepared to consider. My children and their feelings will always come first.
I just feel he's had all the power through this whole hideous situation keeping me in a string and now he's casting me aside.
I desperately want to move on and let him go but I just don't know how. I feel like such a mug. How do you stop loving a person?
Perhaps the energy, focus, care and love you have directed outwards towards your OH needs to be directed inwards, it's time to rebuild yourself. Take back your power and seek support to help you through this turmoil. Your feelings of anger are absolutely justified and I'm sure anyone in your situation would feel the same. Just as it took time to come to terms with his actions it will take time to let go of what you saw as your future. You will rebuild and your heart will heal with time. Sending you strength xx
I echo everything said above. You don't have to focus on not loving him, you should focus on loving yourself. Take some time to rediscover yourself, what is it that you want from and for your life? Do seek out support to get through this time and continue to post on here, we're all here for you xxx
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I am around the same stage as you. 10 months on from the knock and today I got my decree nisi. I cried all day. It's like grief and profound loss. I feel so much pain for my son too as he battles to come to terms with everything. So I totally understand how you feel. Sending love x