Family and Friends Forum

Yes, I have just read it. All of it I could identify with but especially the part about PTSD. I am a shadow of the woman I once was. I was outgoing, social and now although still happy, smiling...inside have fear, constantly worrying, flashbacks and so much more.



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Well done " Sarah" for sharing your story, I've just read the article and I can relate on all the levels. The massive shock of the knock really does feel like PTSD and I actually had a breakdown and was off work for 7 weeks. I also feel a massive amount of shame. I chose to stay with my partner but I'm a shadow of my former self too. I am deeply unhappy, I drink too much and I dont really like being sociable. I used to be so happy, we had our ups and downs but ours was a happy family. That all feels like it's gone and for the last 3 years I'm just exsisting. It's terrible that we don't get any support apart from forums like this but we can't be open because of the stigma and backlash.

my partner still hadn't had sentencing, he's going end of this week if it doesn't get relisted again. It's horrific that we all have this massive wait, the limbo is horrible

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Thank you for sharing and a huge well done to "Sarah". I also watched a clip within the story from April 21 where we were referred to as hidden victims. It's heartbreaking to know that so many families experience this each month. The police officer in the original clip describing it as setting off a grenade and walking away feels incredibly accurate.
I also offered the officers a drink, seems so surreal now that I would be thinking about whether my hosting skills were up to scratch but I was in complete shock and genuinely had no idea how to react to what they were saying.
Do you think we should start a thread or add comments onto this one with areas that we feel we need/needed more support for us and our children? LFF, would that be helpful for you moving forward? xxx

Sarah, you are amazing, and well done Sky for publishing this

Oh gosh, I do hope Sarah is *here*. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It really resonated for me.



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I'm sure (I know) this article resonated with all of us. I too hate the P labelling word, I'm sure it's only used for the drama it creates.

People annoy me, sit in judgment nice and snug, thinking this sinario couldn't possibly happen in 'their' family, but my goodness YES it can.

There ought to be more articles like this to educate people, make them sit up and think about it more rationally without the judgment, realise the reality of just how common this crime is. The more it's faced the more we can work out more effective solutions to protect our children.

I admire people who stick their neck out to fight our cause - we are victims and we shouldn't have to reach out to charities for support and be just cast aside like we are.

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When they say hidden victims do they mean of the sex offender?



I feel way more a victim of the police than him. He did wrong but the police choose to continue the torture to me and my kids daily. They prioritise their numbers above all else.

Hello Distressed and Pregnant,

Thank you for raising this suggestion. We greatly appreciate any information that you think might be helpful to us as professionals working with people in similar situations to yourselves. As always, we will keep a close eye on current topics and themes to see if there is anything we can help with.

Kind Regards

The Forum Team

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I agree absolutely no support was shown to us - as you say leaflets. The police were SO false in showing any form of compassion and I know now all they wanted to do (saying it blatantly) was to nail my son. We as a family were viewed like a piece of ....

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Blue sky

They said exactly the same to me... He's ok there's nothing to worry about!! I had the pleasure of a police van and a police 4x4 parked outside the house. At least they put the equipment in brown paper evidence bags!!! (She said sarcastically)

My Husband and I were talking about the knock mornng the other day, I done the same, made them all tea and coffee. There evidence bags wern't big enough for his tower so we gave them black bags haha!! When we went to get him form the station later I joked with them at least I was dressedd now (thank got it was winter and I had thick PJ's on) They actually said we was the nicest family they had ever been too!! In all honesty, they were really good with us that mornihg but all that sticks in my head is when I said my Son was autistic and they said to me "This is really common" I can't get that out of my head and I feel I need to stop it being "Really common" and that just comes down to education in schools...

Just want an end to it

That's just made me smile...the part about giving them black bags :)

I must say the three officers who came to the house were very polite and respectful.

Caggie,

Sometimes I look back at that day and just laugh!! It was the most stressful day i have had up until then... I think I'd rather of given birth again!! but it was so sureal of how we delt with it.

Thank you to 'Sarah' for speaking up, as others have said I also resonated with a lot of what was described in the article. The P word is out of context with the crimes committed and the media outlets really need taking to task on this as its fuelling hatred and misunderstanding.

I too offered drinks to the officers and made sure the heating was on! We were 'lucky' to have plain clothes and unmarked vehicles but the evidence bags were clear. The officers were compassionate but clearly doing a job as they pulled our house apart.

I felt suicidal and feel I had PTSD after the knock. I was too ashamed to seek help from my gp but eventually had counselling after sentencing/media exposure.

There seems to have been more media discussions on this crime this year which is needed as this is happening to families up and down the country and knows no demographic boundaries. Education is key, not just of our children but adults too. Maybe something along the lines of a public education broadcast that shows the harm this can do to both the victims in the images but also the person who has committed the offence and families left picking up the pieces.

I'm haunted by the phrase "I'll never escape the choice I made" this is devastating, and a situation I relate to. I feel I may be in a situation where I have to choose between the life I have built in my community or my partner - and possibly having to start again else where (and to have to make that choice for my kids). It felt clear that the only socially acceptable thing to do is disown them - but this may be a reflection of how I'm feeling right now.

It was a shame they didn't mention the reasons people offend online, and instead label him a P word as if that is enough of a reason. It could have tried to explain the routes to offending which would have been great education for the public. And act as a warning for men who's online behaviour is reckless / spiraling, or already illegal. So much seems to come from poor mental health and addiction. It would be nice if the media could use their voice to help stop people from offending.

I wholeheartedly agree Pippin, that did feel like a real missed opportunity, but personally I'm still glad it was published and highlighted the scale.

I also think the idea of it being something always attached to yiu is interesting. The convictions will usually become spent at some point so it feels to me that for a lot of families it is eventually escapable, although I appreciate not for everyone. I'm certainly hoping it is for me - yes he is no longer an enhanced DBS guy who will volunteer for the scouts, or be able to go to the USA, but I hope we are able to be a normal family again, certainly after 5 years.

Blue sky



I also had simliar they told me nothing to worry about my husband was being looked after.... I literally felt my heart drop in sheer panic!!! Then around 4 officers just walked in and started searching through my house, it was awful it felt degrading. Then one of the officers asked me if I had ever watched police hunted... which is a documentary of police hunting down sex offenders... which made me feel sick thinking is this what this is.

Then they just up and left, I was left on my own with my young children no leaflets left or any advise on what to do I was in shock. The next day my auntie died and I just felt nothing I didn't care I didn't feel sad, now 16 months on I feel guilty for not being upset.

Interesting article, thanks for sharing. My OH's arrest was slightly different but still incredibly traumatic. He'd actually phoned the police himself to tell them what he'd been doing. That evening three of them turned up, I innocently thought just for a chat, but they came in and sat down then said they were arresting him. The rest is a blur - though I too remember offering them a cup of tea! - but they were kind and respectful. They searched the house and took all devices except my phone. Knowing that they were taking all our things our to their van, with neighbours no doubt watching, even though it was nighttime, is horrific. No-one's spoken to us since.

My PC with my life on, including all my family photos, has gone and I doubt I'll ever get it back as he said he used it to look at images online, as well as his laptop and phone. The police have been cooperative, though, and got my work laptop, Kindle, and camera back to me fairly quickly. They also phoned a few times since to check on me and I had to meet one of them at our business so he could search for some memory sticks my OH had said about - they found 13 of them, so I dread to think how much he'd downloaded and saved.

I don't know what the future holds, I've not made any big decisions as it's still early days (arrest was Oct), but I I'm being torn in two as his parents think I should support him, but mine and my sister are set on me leaving him. They thought of him like a son but he's let them down so badly. It's so difficult as we all thought he was a good, honest, kind, caring, decent person.