1st supervised contacta and I havent told child why dad left
Notifications OFFPost deleted by user
I deleted instead of a mending!
I brief have a very savy 9yr old, he knows dad left because he wanted to live alone. We are having our 1st in person contact session and I really need to talk to son about why dad left and why he can't be alone with dad during visit....
I'm worried if I say something along the lines of dad was looking at rude things online so the police took his PC to make sure he doesn't look at any more, but for now to keep you safe mummy need to be supervising.... That this will unravel more questions or he tells others who will put 2 and 2 together and I'm trying to keep it on a need to know basis until it's investigated....i know there is no right answer but anyone else had to tell similar age? Did they ask further questions or repeat to others?
I'm completely over thinking as you can imagine
I brief have a very savy 9yr old, he knows dad left because he wanted to live alone. We are having our 1st in person contact session and I really need to talk to son about why dad left and why he can't be alone with dad during visit....
I'm worried if I say something along the lines of dad was looking at rude things online so the police took his PC to make sure he doesn't look at any more, but for now to keep you safe mummy need to be supervising.... That this will unravel more questions or he tells others who will put 2 and 2 together and I'm trying to keep it on a need to know basis until it's investigated....i know there is no right answer but anyone else had to tell similar age? Did they ask further questions or repeat to others?
I'm completely over thinking as you can imagine
Hi,
9 is an awkward age as the questions they ask don't necessarily indicate the answer that they are emotionally ready for. Have ss given any guidance on what they feel appropriate for him to know at this stage?
From what I can remember from your original post (sorry for not responding to that), there will be other people present too. Perhaps while there are others around you don't need to address this just yet. I have a list of books for different age groups, although I haven't read them yet so they're not my recommendations and you will need to read them before to see if it gives the information that you are willing to share and that your son will understand.
My older two were teens when arrest happened and youngest is too young to do anything other than basic privacy conversations.
I sympathise with you having to navigate this on top of everything else this brings. The discussion and support section has the most traffic flow on here so it may be worth posting in there too. There was a discussion quite a while ago I think it was called telling the children, you can search for this using the search function but if I find it I'll bump it for you xxx
9 is an awkward age as the questions they ask don't necessarily indicate the answer that they are emotionally ready for. Have ss given any guidance on what they feel appropriate for him to know at this stage?
From what I can remember from your original post (sorry for not responding to that), there will be other people present too. Perhaps while there are others around you don't need to address this just yet. I have a list of books for different age groups, although I haven't read them yet so they're not my recommendations and you will need to read them before to see if it gives the information that you are willing to share and that your son will understand.
My older two were teens when arrest happened and youngest is too young to do anything other than basic privacy conversations.
I sympathise with you having to navigate this on top of everything else this brings. The discussion and support section has the most traffic flow on here so it may be worth posting in there too. There was a discussion quite a while ago I think it was called telling the children, you can search for this using the search function but if I find it I'll bump it for you xxx
Thank you for the reply,
Ive scrolled for hours on the threads looking for someone to answers word for word haha.
I'm starting to realise how individual each case is and unfortunately I have to really make the decision for my son.... I've not yet found the words but after my son getting cross because I wouldn't let him run off with the Skype call with dad I'm going to have to bite the bullet with something. Probably that he was looking at inappropriate things (rather than word rude) and look at what Internet safety videos I can show to son and say how dad broke them.... Still I'm not going to jump in or rush as see this is going to go on a looooon time x
Ive scrolled for hours on the threads looking for someone to answers word for word haha.
I'm starting to realise how individual each case is and unfortunately I have to really make the decision for my son.... I've not yet found the words but after my son getting cross because I wouldn't let him run off with the Skype call with dad I'm going to have to bite the bullet with something. Probably that he was looking at inappropriate things (rather than word rude) and look at what Internet safety videos I can show to son and say how dad broke them.... Still I'm not going to jump in or rush as see this is going to go on a looooon time x
Thought I would update my question incase anyone else finds it useful,
I spoke to my 9yo before the visit. I was on the computer and we were having a general chat about Internet safety on he websites he uses, not talking to strangers etc etc.
It felt a good opportunity to speak about his dad and I said how dad wasbt been safe online and looking at inappropriate things (with lots of swearing, naked people and scary things). I said that was the reason dad left because the police wanted to look into the matter more closely to decide if/how naughty they were.he was pretty accepting.
He asked if dad would go to jail and I said unlikely, he more get a fine however until the police decided his dad wasn't allowed on the computer and any contact I had to supervise to make sure everyone was safe.
He later told a teacher he felt better knowing the reason dad had left and was adapting to him not been home. (massive relief for me!)
He hasn't asked anything else yet but maybe if it goes to court and he is older I may give further info but tbh I'd rather not burden him with that information unless necessary!
Thanks all for listening - it all helps writing these things down
I spoke to my 9yo before the visit. I was on the computer and we were having a general chat about Internet safety on he websites he uses, not talking to strangers etc etc.
It felt a good opportunity to speak about his dad and I said how dad wasbt been safe online and looking at inappropriate things (with lots of swearing, naked people and scary things). I said that was the reason dad left because the police wanted to look into the matter more closely to decide if/how naughty they were.he was pretty accepting.
He asked if dad would go to jail and I said unlikely, he more get a fine however until the police decided his dad wasn't allowed on the computer and any contact I had to supervise to make sure everyone was safe.
He later told a teacher he felt better knowing the reason dad had left and was adapting to him not been home. (massive relief for me!)
He hasn't asked anything else yet but maybe if it goes to court and he is older I may give further info but tbh I'd rather not burden him with that information unless necessary!
Thanks all for listening - it all helps writing these things down
Well done Mama! What an amazing conversation!
in this conversation your not only being honest about his dad's actions but you are also showing him how the internet can be a huge place and educating him. Something you can build on to make him more aware through his informative years. What do they say, we are only 3 clicks away from something innoprioriate.
After having a son go through this, I really feel education is key now and schools have to be more hard hitting with the facts about pictures, sharing etc. I'm not saying its just a schools job, it's parents too, they just have the bigger audience. I'm passionate about this now so I really loved your post and how you are dealing with it.
in this conversation your not only being honest about his dad's actions but you are also showing him how the internet can be a huge place and educating him. Something you can build on to make him more aware through his informative years. What do they say, we are only 3 clicks away from something innoprioriate.
After having a son go through this, I really feel education is key now and schools have to be more hard hitting with the facts about pictures, sharing etc. I'm not saying its just a schools job, it's parents too, they just have the bigger audience. I'm passionate about this now so I really loved your post and how you are dealing with it.