Family staying together - pregnancy
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My husband has recently been arrested and we are awaiting devices being searched. I am currently pregnant and unsure what the next steps are and wondered if anyone had any stories they could share of similar situations. Has anyone been able to have their partner at the birth etc? We have meetings booked with child services so hopefully will know more soon. I am unsure what the future holds for our relationship and my baby will always come first.
Hi,
I'm sorry you're in this situation. You may get more responses in the discussion and support section. I was pregnant too when the knock happened but my partner was kept on remand until sentencing and I ended the relationship so different circumstances regarding ss. There are people on here who have had similar experiences to yourself and their partners have been allowed at the birth but not allowed on the ward afterwards. You'll most likely be assigned a safe guarding midwife who will be able to advise on the procedure for hospitals in your area. Ss may require you or your partner to leave the home when baby arrives but this varies a lot depending on how they assess you and if your partner has bail conditions preventing him from living in a home with children. There is a section on here around family safety plans which may be beneficial for you to familiarise yourself with before your meetings with ss.
My social worker signed off supervised contact with his parents present initially, no restrictions on personal care and freedom for me to send pictures of baby. We were able to change this to me solely supervising, I do all of her personal care due to that being my preference. Be clear in your communication with them over what you want and you can follow this up in email correspondence so you have a paper trail if anything is missing from reports etc. You need to have factual information about what your partner has done and having full disclosure from his solicitor is vital in this as then you aren't caught off guard by ss. They work on the possibility of risk and will want to ensure that everything is in place to ensure your baby is not at risk. There are people on here who have been able to stay together as a family unit, it's a lot of work and some are more restricted than others. It's also sometimes a long road between arrest and charging so be prepared for that as much as you can be. Read through as much as you can on here about looking after yourself in all of this, especially in these early stages.
Love and strength xxx
I'm sorry you're in this situation. You may get more responses in the discussion and support section. I was pregnant too when the knock happened but my partner was kept on remand until sentencing and I ended the relationship so different circumstances regarding ss. There are people on here who have had similar experiences to yourself and their partners have been allowed at the birth but not allowed on the ward afterwards. You'll most likely be assigned a safe guarding midwife who will be able to advise on the procedure for hospitals in your area. Ss may require you or your partner to leave the home when baby arrives but this varies a lot depending on how they assess you and if your partner has bail conditions preventing him from living in a home with children. There is a section on here around family safety plans which may be beneficial for you to familiarise yourself with before your meetings with ss.
My social worker signed off supervised contact with his parents present initially, no restrictions on personal care and freedom for me to send pictures of baby. We were able to change this to me solely supervising, I do all of her personal care due to that being my preference. Be clear in your communication with them over what you want and you can follow this up in email correspondence so you have a paper trail if anything is missing from reports etc. You need to have factual information about what your partner has done and having full disclosure from his solicitor is vital in this as then you aren't caught off guard by ss. They work on the possibility of risk and will want to ensure that everything is in place to ensure your baby is not at risk. There are people on here who have been able to stay together as a family unit, it's a lot of work and some are more restricted than others. It's also sometimes a long road between arrest and charging so be prepared for that as much as you can be. Read through as much as you can on here about looking after yourself in all of this, especially in these early stages.
Love and strength xxx
Hey hun I saw your post just wanted to know have you guys had risk assment done and was your partner offence online and did you chose to stay with him I just hope if there is a hope if that makes sense .
Hi Tangle,
I wish I could give you more advise but it seems things vary from person to person so I can only really go on my own experience as I was pregnant when my OH was arrested too.
Firstly I told my midwife straight away, mostly more concerned about the stress and the affect it could have on my baby- they saw this as a good sign for being honest abou the situation. She offered a lot of useful advise and even a specialist for prenatal mental health assesment and all that. Then SS got involved as I chose to stay with my partner- now I don't want to worry you but my personal experience from SS was- and still is, pretty negative.
I was adament that I wanted my partner with me at the birth which was allowed, I chose to have my mother in with me as well as an extra precaution, he was allowed to stay with me during my care (prem birth- needed stitches and all that) but was not allowed on the ward with me afterward, we had a safeguarding midwife that attended all the core group meetings and one at the birth. He needed SS supervision for the first few visits for the NICU unit, no pictures or face time allowed at all.
It took a while but my OH was finally allowed supervised contact but it had to be one of my parents as since the birth of my child I had to move back in with them to not breach bail conditions. At first this had to be out in the comunity, but was later changed to being allowed in the home as it was deemed unsuitable for our child to be out all the time, unfortunately we are still unable to live together, not allowed to send him pictures of his child and he is not allowed to be present for any care like changes, bath, bed etc. I am trying harder to push for us to be more of a family, but it is a long and hard journey.
Like I said, everything varies from person to person and hopefully things will be smoother for you, I think the best piece of advice I can give when it comes to SS is to hold your ground and make your desires known.
If you need someone to talk to I'm only a message away x
I wish I could give you more advise but it seems things vary from person to person so I can only really go on my own experience as I was pregnant when my OH was arrested too.
Firstly I told my midwife straight away, mostly more concerned about the stress and the affect it could have on my baby- they saw this as a good sign for being honest abou the situation. She offered a lot of useful advise and even a specialist for prenatal mental health assesment and all that. Then SS got involved as I chose to stay with my partner- now I don't want to worry you but my personal experience from SS was- and still is, pretty negative.
I was adament that I wanted my partner with me at the birth which was allowed, I chose to have my mother in with me as well as an extra precaution, he was allowed to stay with me during my care (prem birth- needed stitches and all that) but was not allowed on the ward with me afterward, we had a safeguarding midwife that attended all the core group meetings and one at the birth. He needed SS supervision for the first few visits for the NICU unit, no pictures or face time allowed at all.
It took a while but my OH was finally allowed supervised contact but it had to be one of my parents as since the birth of my child I had to move back in with them to not breach bail conditions. At first this had to be out in the comunity, but was later changed to being allowed in the home as it was deemed unsuitable for our child to be out all the time, unfortunately we are still unable to live together, not allowed to send him pictures of his child and he is not allowed to be present for any care like changes, bath, bed etc. I am trying harder to push for us to be more of a family, but it is a long and hard journey.
Like I said, everything varies from person to person and hopefully things will be smoother for you, I think the best piece of advice I can give when it comes to SS is to hold your ground and make your desires known.
If you need someone to talk to I'm only a message away x