I can't stop crying
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I posted on the Discussion and Support forum a couple of days ago when my partner got arrested, seized his equipment and released with bail with conditions.
I feel like my life as I, and my daughter knows it is over. Thankfully she's too young to understand what's going on, but this weekend has been a nightmare in terms of my emotions.
We have a mortgage on our first home, my daughter goes to nursery full time. I will be involved with social services from this week. If my partner loses his job should he get charged in 2 months/6 months/one year or beyond, he'll lose his job and we'll be absolutely screwed. He is the breadwinner although we both work. I'm just so scared of what the future looks like.
I haven't told family yet, I'm waiting until after Christmas, but wow it's been hard keeping this in.
I feel like my life as I, and my daughter knows it is over. Thankfully she's too young to understand what's going on, but this weekend has been a nightmare in terms of my emotions.
We have a mortgage on our first home, my daughter goes to nursery full time. I will be involved with social services from this week. If my partner loses his job should he get charged in 2 months/6 months/one year or beyond, he'll lose his job and we'll be absolutely screwed. He is the breadwinner although we both work. I'm just so scared of what the future looks like.
I haven't told family yet, I'm waiting until after Christmas, but wow it's been hard keeping this in.
This is such a stressful time. Sorry you're going through it.
take deep breaths.
with regard to your daughter; something like a quarter of all children have social services involved. I am a year down this road and I know that experiences differ but our SW has been great.
i would speak to your GP; they can advise you sir medicate you for support. At this stage mine gave me some anti anxiety medication and sleeping pills. Both helped in those awful first weeks.
contact the LFF helpline, circles offer counselling for free too.
financially, things might be OK - my OH wasn't sacked for 6 months which gave him time to find another job.
sending you strength and support xx
take deep breaths.
with regard to your daughter; something like a quarter of all children have social services involved. I am a year down this road and I know that experiences differ but our SW has been great.
i would speak to your GP; they can advise you sir medicate you for support. At this stage mine gave me some anti anxiety medication and sleeping pills. Both helped in those awful first weeks.
contact the LFF helpline, circles offer counselling for free too.
financially, things might be OK - my OH wasn't sacked for 6 months which gave him time to find another job.
sending you strength and support xx
He also may get a community order / suspended sentence so may not loose his job..... my OH refuses to talk about the "what if" he goes to prison at the moment and it hard to know where to go with that as everyone is telling him he'll prob get a community order but then you hear the stories when people don't get what they expected...... but I am trying not to worry for now as we can make a plan when we know more & devices has actually been search.
My OH is keeping he head down at work, working hard and getting himself sorted with therapy.
The only thing I have got him to do as I really worry about finances is to ask the lawyers how much they thing the case will cost end to end as currently he has paid £1500 which takes him to the point of charges. So know he knows how much the whole thing might cost and I've said add 20% for good measure so he can now plan how he is going to get that money together.
This is the other thing that really bugs me in terms to the impact on our lives etc as like you I have no idea what we will do if he goes to prison as my job would not cover his share of the bills or the mortgage which he pay but since that is likely to be at best 1 year before anything comes to court I have started to worry about it less for now.
My OH is keeping he head down at work, working hard and getting himself sorted with therapy.
The only thing I have got him to do as I really worry about finances is to ask the lawyers how much they thing the case will cost end to end as currently he has paid £1500 which takes him to the point of charges. So know he knows how much the whole thing might cost and I've said add 20% for good measure so he can now plan how he is going to get that money together.
This is the other thing that really bugs me in terms to the impact on our lives etc as like you I have no idea what we will do if he goes to prison as my job would not cover his share of the bills or the mortgage which he pay but since that is likely to be at best 1 year before anything comes to court I have started to worry about it less for now.
Thank you both for your responses. The social worker I've been assigned seems understanding, but I'll know more on Friday when I meet her in person.
To be honest, I'm not really a medication person, I know it would probably help but I had a bad experience on Floroxitine when I was on it a long time ago, but maybe if things get worse I might consider an anti-anxiety prescription.
Finances are probably the thing I must fret about. The house we live in is quite unique, so I know the selling process will take longer than the standard 12 weeks or something. Unfortunately my partner isn't giving me a lot of confidence that he's innocent either, so I'm trying to work out if I can afford to be financially independent, which whilst I haven't spoken to my mum yet, I know she would give me whatever I needed for a 2 bedroom house somewhere. I just don't want to think "oh the case could get dropped' and then suddenly he's out of the blue charged for something, he's lost his job (his line of work isn't child related but security clearance checked) and now I'm responsible for a mortgage and nursery fees that I can't afford. In order to ensure me and daughter are okay, I can't see any other way than to assume the worst and plan now? Maybe I'm wrong though, but I don't want to get blindsided.
My partner is shopping for a solicitor tomorrow I think, the rates are mad expensive though, and again I then get angry because that money is meant to be for our daughter and building our lives. I know I'm being unreasonable because he's fighting for his freedom (or as much as he can get) but that's where my head is at. I really want to be there for my partner, but I feel like from what social services have told me, I need to keep my distance, and I don't know how I feel about that.
To be honest, I'm not really a medication person, I know it would probably help but I had a bad experience on Floroxitine when I was on it a long time ago, but maybe if things get worse I might consider an anti-anxiety prescription.
Finances are probably the thing I must fret about. The house we live in is quite unique, so I know the selling process will take longer than the standard 12 weeks or something. Unfortunately my partner isn't giving me a lot of confidence that he's innocent either, so I'm trying to work out if I can afford to be financially independent, which whilst I haven't spoken to my mum yet, I know she would give me whatever I needed for a 2 bedroom house somewhere. I just don't want to think "oh the case could get dropped' and then suddenly he's out of the blue charged for something, he's lost his job (his line of work isn't child related but security clearance checked) and now I'm responsible for a mortgage and nursery fees that I can't afford. In order to ensure me and daughter are okay, I can't see any other way than to assume the worst and plan now? Maybe I'm wrong though, but I don't want to get blindsided.
My partner is shopping for a solicitor tomorrow I think, the rates are mad expensive though, and again I then get angry because that money is meant to be for our daughter and building our lives. I know I'm being unreasonable because he's fighting for his freedom (or as much as he can get) but that's where my head is at. I really want to be there for my partner, but I feel like from what social services have told me, I need to keep my distance, and I don't know how I feel about that.
This is very much how I feel too..... I feel much better when I have a plan for the worst in place (in my head at least).
I also feel very angry about the money side of things.... 6k for solicitor, £600 per month to rent a room in a house all money that coud have been better spent elsewhere. However it is done and we can not change it and we have to work towards this new normal.
It is early days for you ...... I understand the worry but answers will come but he will have to be 100% honest with you. The social workers did a really in depth review of my husband and checked all his medical records which resulting me finding out he had had a suicide attempted before we met. He had also been using web cams with sex workers....... I have had a few months of feeling OK about it all but today am struggling again so it is a bumpy ride.....
I also feel very angry about the money side of things.... 6k for solicitor, £600 per month to rent a room in a house all money that coud have been better spent elsewhere. However it is done and we can not change it and we have to work towards this new normal.
It is early days for you ...... I understand the worry but answers will come but he will have to be 100% honest with you. The social workers did a really in depth review of my husband and checked all his medical records which resulting me finding out he had had a suicide attempted before we met. He had also been using web cams with sex workers....... I have had a few months of feeling OK about it all but today am struggling again so it is a bumpy ride.....