How to move forward in Life!
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We had knock sometime back with OH looking at iioc. Similar story porn to iioc and it seems he created a huge database of images saving links compulsively out of habit.
I have re re-read articles on the forum, been ruminating over what does future look like.Most of days in tears & lost.
How do you manage family life in future.
Are playdates for kids still possible.
Is it possible to call friends over for dinners normal activities of life. We have young children & used to be socially active. Now since last couple of months we are making excuses.
Holidays, is it still possible to have normal familr live. We have some family which moved to usa. Will kids still be able to see their cousins.
School visits Are Dads allowed to visit kids school for their activities. My OH avoided to see our childs nativity this year.
My younger just started a new school, while mums are being friendly, I have been little cold in fear of being found out. My chirpy youger one is missing so much in terms of playdates I have to carefully decline some. Will I be able to let him have his friends for sleepovers in future.
Sports - will OH be able to take my children to their footballs, swimming lessons..
Sorry for long post but seems like so much day to day life will be lost
I have re re-read articles on the forum, been ruminating over what does future look like.Most of days in tears & lost.
How do you manage family life in future.
Are playdates for kids still possible.
Is it possible to call friends over for dinners normal activities of life. We have young children & used to be socially active. Now since last couple of months we are making excuses.
Holidays, is it still possible to have normal familr live. We have some family which moved to usa. Will kids still be able to see their cousins.
School visits Are Dads allowed to visit kids school for their activities. My OH avoided to see our childs nativity this year.
My younger just started a new school, while mums are being friendly, I have been little cold in fear of being found out. My chirpy youger one is missing so much in terms of playdates I have to carefully decline some. Will I be able to let him have his friends for sleepovers in future.
Sports - will OH be able to take my children to their footballs, swimming lessons..
Sorry for long post but seems like so much day to day life will be lost
So sorry you find yourself here. It's horrid for you and it takes such a toll on us as wives and mothers.
A lot of what you ask depends on what sort of plan social services put you on and what kind of SHPO your husband receives.
Take deep breaths, it is normal to feel tearful and lost. There is lots of support out there.
LFF course will help you to understand the offending, circles offer free counselling and I think a "protective parent" course, but that might be Safer Living. Stopso can refer you to a specially trained therapist.
sorry I couldn't answer your specific questions, but sending you strength and support.
xx
A lot of what you ask depends on what sort of plan social services put you on and what kind of SHPO your husband receives.
Take deep breaths, it is normal to feel tearful and lost. There is lots of support out there.
LFF course will help you to understand the offending, circles offer free counselling and I think a "protective parent" course, but that might be Safer Living. Stopso can refer you to a specially trained therapist.
sorry I couldn't answer your specific questions, but sending you strength and support.
xx
My advice would be 'try' not to take everything on board at once - and 'try' not to overthink, a very very easy thing to say but not to do when your life has just been blown to pieces.
You could be wasting your mental energy worrying and fretting over something that might not materialise. If it 'does' materialise you deal with it then and honestly Meadow - you will. X
You could be wasting your mental energy worrying and fretting over something that might not materialise. If it 'does' materialise you deal with it then and honestly Meadow - you will. X
Thanks Both sending hugs xx
I really don't know what I was looking for. May be some reassurance that life can be normal - at the moment it doesn't seem to be.
I really don't know what I was looking for. May be some reassurance that life can be normal - at the moment it doesn't seem to be.
In my experience life has not and cannot return to how it was.... it's took a long time but I've accepted my different life and making the most of it......... and do my best to let go of my sadness.
I try not to worry about what the future holds.
I try not to worry about what the future holds.
I really do feel for you. I can sense your anxiety and racing mind just from reading your post.
My person is my adult son who has lived with us since the day of the arrest. Between us we have managed to create a safe and fun family life for him and his children. It's not the same as it would have been if he was still living with his own family but we have the children to stay over regularly and still have good days out.
Play dates have not been an issue for us as we have family living near to us with children of the same age and so they come round and all the children play together.
We hid ourselves away during the limbo years but since sentencing we have friends to the house just like we've always done.
If your person is placed on the SOR I don't think he will be able to go to USA but that doesn't mean you can't go on holiday to other places.
My son is not allowed into the children's school due to his SOR and SHPO and the schools own rules. This does mean that he misses out on his childres nativity, sports days etc but is the price he needs to pay. We make sure though that someone is always there for all the childres school events.
I can't answer your questions about sleepovers and sports activities as it will depend on what restrictions your person gets on their SHPO.
I hope the questions I have answered help. I would summarise to say that life will never be the same but that doesn't mean that you can't enjoy family life again.
My person is my adult son who has lived with us since the day of the arrest. Between us we have managed to create a safe and fun family life for him and his children. It's not the same as it would have been if he was still living with his own family but we have the children to stay over regularly and still have good days out.
Play dates have not been an issue for us as we have family living near to us with children of the same age and so they come round and all the children play together.
We hid ourselves away during the limbo years but since sentencing we have friends to the house just like we've always done.
If your person is placed on the SOR I don't think he will be able to go to USA but that doesn't mean you can't go on holiday to other places.
My son is not allowed into the children's school due to his SOR and SHPO and the schools own rules. This does mean that he misses out on his childres nativity, sports days etc but is the price he needs to pay. We make sure though that someone is always there for all the childres school events.
I can't answer your questions about sleepovers and sports activities as it will depend on what restrictions your person gets on their SHPO.
I hope the questions I have answered help. I would summarise to say that life will never be the same but that doesn't mean that you can't enjoy family life again.
Thank you all. Sending Hugs xx
Ocean, that's really helpful. Appreciate your detailed response.
Are the restrictions on school visits only till the SOR lasts or are they applicable even after SOR has finished.
I understand that there is a marker on the passport. Does that remain till person is on SOR or lifelong
Ocean, that's really helpful. Appreciate your detailed response.
Are the restrictions on school visits only till the SOR lasts or are they applicable even after SOR has finished.
I understand that there is a marker on the passport. Does that remain till person is on SOR or lifelong
I typed a reply a few days ago but it is not appearing.
My OH bail does not prevent him going to the school so I have confirmed with head at our primary school that he is allowed to attend as he will be supervised by me.
She is very understanding as she has been through this with another family.
When he is convicted and has a SHPO for onlilne only I don't think that will prevent him being at the school.
In the future and when SS are happy he should get unsupervised back so then he can go back to help with school drop off / pick ups and also sports but I am sure we will be cautious for a long while even after unsupervised is allowed.
I still host playdates for my children but I ask him to leave if he was here.
My OH bail does not prevent him going to the school so I have confirmed with head at our primary school that he is allowed to attend as he will be supervised by me.
She is very understanding as she has been through this with another family.
When he is convicted and has a SHPO for onlilne only I don't think that will prevent him being at the school.
In the future and when SS are happy he should get unsupervised back so then he can go back to help with school drop off / pick ups and also sports but I am sure we will be cautious for a long while even after unsupervised is allowed.
I still host playdates for my children but I ask him to leave if he was here.