I desperately need to tell a friend
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My inlaw was sentenced this week.
He claims it was 1 online chat talking to a police officer who was pretending to be 13.
His sentence was 120hr of community service, 18mth suspended sentence and community order. This makes me think it must have been way worse than 1 online chat but I guess we will never know.
No.press in court so doubtful it will come out in media.
My issue now is his family want to forgive and move on. I do want to do this but it's way too soon for me. I only found out 3wks ago.
I feel sick and exhausted and depressed and stressed. I've withdrawn from my friends, I can't cope any of them offloading on me with everyday stuff and can't bring myself to be chirpy and chit chat and Xmas chat. My friends are bit worried about me. I've said I'm just stressed with Xmas.
I have a very close friend who I'm avoiding because I feel like i will crack and tell her. I know she will be sensitive and calm and discrete. My husband has sworn me to secrecy though. He won't understand I need to talk to my friend.
I feel like im on another emotional plane to my husband and his family. Not criticising them, I appreciate we can all only feel how we feel.
I want to speak to friend but don't want to betray husband.
But then get mad that it's his family who have put me in this awful position.
He claims it was 1 online chat talking to a police officer who was pretending to be 13.
His sentence was 120hr of community service, 18mth suspended sentence and community order. This makes me think it must have been way worse than 1 online chat but I guess we will never know.
No.press in court so doubtful it will come out in media.
My issue now is his family want to forgive and move on. I do want to do this but it's way too soon for me. I only found out 3wks ago.
I feel sick and exhausted and depressed and stressed. I've withdrawn from my friends, I can't cope any of them offloading on me with everyday stuff and can't bring myself to be chirpy and chit chat and Xmas chat. My friends are bit worried about me. I've said I'm just stressed with Xmas.
I have a very close friend who I'm avoiding because I feel like i will crack and tell her. I know she will be sensitive and calm and discrete. My husband has sworn me to secrecy though. He won't understand I need to talk to my friend.
I feel like im on another emotional plane to my husband and his family. Not criticising them, I appreciate we can all only feel how we feel.
I want to speak to friend but don't want to betray husband.
But then get mad that it's his family who have put me in this awful position.
Hi Ladyjane, 3 weeks is such a short time frame to process what's happened so it's no surprise that you are still trying to make sense of it all. Some people benefit from taking things through and others need to work things out more internally. There is no right or wrong way of doing this. If you're someone who needs to talk things through then you are going to struggle to make sense of the situation on your own.
Something that you might like to consider is making contact with Talking Forward. They facilitate on line peer support groups through Microsoft teams. This would allow you the space to talk about your situation in a confidential network. The other thing I recommend is a self referral to Talking Therapies. This would also give you the opportunity to talk about your situation in a confidential setting.
In terms of the sentencing, the sentence your person has been given sits within the sentencing guidelines for their offence.
I realise how hard this situation is for you so keep posting on here if you find it helpful to do so.
Something that you might like to consider is making contact with Talking Forward. They facilitate on line peer support groups through Microsoft teams. This would allow you the space to talk about your situation in a confidential network. The other thing I recommend is a self referral to Talking Therapies. This would also give you the opportunity to talk about your situation in a confidential setting.
In terms of the sentencing, the sentence your person has been given sits within the sentencing guidelines for their offence.
I realise how hard this situation is for you so keep posting on here if you find it helpful to do so.
Thank you for replying. I'm definitely someone who needs to talk. My husband is an internal processor. Doesn't understand why I need to talk about things.
We keep thinking the sentence sounds severe for 1 conversation with a policeman? (I'm not condoning but some of family massively dismissing it)
We keep thinking the sentence sounds severe for 1 conversation with a policeman? (I'm not condoning but some of family massively dismissing it)
Hi ladyjane,
my husband was also arrested on 8th December for talking to a 13 year old, and he is on bail at the moment, and I just can't wrap my head around the fact that he might get convicted. I'm 100% supporting him, but some days im broken inside, and trying to understand whyyyyy! I'm so sorry you are on this journey with all of us.
my husband was also arrested on 8th December for talking to a 13 year old, and he is on bail at the moment, and I just can't wrap my head around the fact that he might get convicted. I'm 100% supporting him, but some days im broken inside, and trying to understand whyyyyy! I'm so sorry you are on this journey with all of us.
Ocean, in reply to your reply regarding sentencing. I no it's all so hard to say but how do you no this is within guidelines to offence ?
my partner was arrested Monday and having spoken to him to told me a conversation happened October 2023 were 1 imagine was sent of himself, and then one more convo wirh same person happened in January this year. He is on bail and has to go back to the police station in June. How long is all this likley to take ?
I have ended contact and ended the relationship as I have my own children. I'm devastated and in shock. It's awful.
he has another child with his ex and she is yet to hear from social services , why would this be ? I feel as if I'm the only one that have had to lose everything right now.
my partner was arrested Monday and having spoken to him to told me a conversation happened October 2023 were 1 imagine was sent of himself, and then one more convo wirh same person happened in January this year. He is on bail and has to go back to the police station in June. How long is all this likley to take ?
I have ended contact and ended the relationship as I have my own children. I'm devastated and in shock. It's awful.
he has another child with his ex and she is yet to hear from social services , why would this be ? I feel as if I'm the only one that have had to lose everything right now.
Hi Dafodil, Sentencing guidelines are there to help ensure judges and magistrates in courts across England and Wales take a consistent approach to sentencing. The gudelines are online and show what the maximum sentencing is for different types of offences. Having said that, they are just guidelines and so the sentence very much depends on each individual case.
My sons case was a communication case and took 22 months from arrest to sentencing.
My heart goes out to you as the shock and devastation is just awful. If you haven't already done so, I recommend reaching out to your GP for support.
My sons case was a communication case and took 22 months from arrest to sentencing.
My heart goes out to you as the shock and devastation is just awful. If you haven't already done so, I recommend reaching out to your GP for support.