Sentencing
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Hi everyone,
My partner had his Sentencing today, he got 44 months my world has crumbled. I feel like I'm dying I feel like I'm out of body. I am in so much pain I feel like I can't do this I don't want to go back to my home because he won't be there I feel like a big piece of me has been ripped out. It's still days away before I get a chance to speak to him. He told me that he will be OK and to please look after myself but I can't help feel so broken I have lost him for so long. He was the one I would go to for any of my troubles he was the only one that could help me level myself and I care for him dearly.
All I'm thinking about is him and how he's feeling as I know he will be struggling. I just wish I could speak to him.
I got a call from a private number calling me a pedo lover and hanging up that was only an hour after we got the verdict. So I knew it had began leaving me to feel even more alone knowing he's not here.
I'm torn I don't know what to do, I just want him back ????
My partner had his Sentencing today, he got 44 months my world has crumbled. I feel like I'm dying I feel like I'm out of body. I am in so much pain I feel like I can't do this I don't want to go back to my home because he won't be there I feel like a big piece of me has been ripped out. It's still days away before I get a chance to speak to him. He told me that he will be OK and to please look after myself but I can't help feel so broken I have lost him for so long. He was the one I would go to for any of my troubles he was the only one that could help me level myself and I care for him dearly.
All I'm thinking about is him and how he's feeling as I know he will be struggling. I just wish I could speak to him.
I got a call from a private number calling me a pedo lover and hanging up that was only an hour after we got the verdict. So I knew it had began leaving me to feel even more alone knowing he's not here.
I'm torn I don't know what to do, I just want him back ????
Oh Lish I'm so sorry that you're facing this. He will be fine, I know our instinct is to worry about the people we love but honestly he will have people monitoring his well-being especially today.
Do you have anywhere you can stay tonight? The fact whoever called you withheld their number shows that they aren't prepared to be accountable for their own actions so why should you be held accountable for something that wasn't yours? Report any incidents to the police at the earliest opportunity and ask for a marker to be put on your address, they have to respond to 999 calls from that address faster if there is a marker on.
Look after yourself as much as you can and feel free to message on here xxx
Do you have anywhere you can stay tonight? The fact whoever called you withheld their number shows that they aren't prepared to be accountable for their own actions so why should you be held accountable for something that wasn't yours? Report any incidents to the police at the earliest opportunity and ask for a marker to be put on your address, they have to respond to 999 calls from that address faster if there is a marker on.
Look after yourself as much as you can and feel free to message on here xxx
I'm so sorry about the outcome. That person is a coward for withholding their number I'd not answer any phonecalls myself and give yourself some time to adjust. like distressed has said they will be monitoring him their are a lot of partners/parents with loved ones in prison that will reassure you that he will be ok. you'll also be in shock but your going to get through this you've come this far. it will just take some time.
I'm in my home town at the moment but I live 3 hrs away. I wasn't expecting that much time away but I won't be able to live up there alone so I think I have to move back but I can't give the flat up as it reminds me of him but I'm so torn because of the time he's away.
I just keep crying, I just want him back with me.
I just keep crying, I just want him back with me.
Oh Lish, my hearts breaks for you. Your partner is going to be ok, he'll be monitored and having people looking out for him but i'm worried about you. Is there anyone that can offer you some support tonight and over the next few days. You have been through such a traumatic day and need time to process the outcome.
The next days and weeks are going to be tough but you will come through this. I'm sending you so much love and am here for you in anyway I can help.
The next days and weeks are going to be tough but you will come through this. I'm sending you so much love and am here for you in anyway I can help.
Oh Lish, I just wanted to send you a hug and some support.
xxx
xxx
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We've been together 7 years and I only see him for the rest of my life. We have been waiting 3 years for this I don't have friends and I only have his family. His mum is broken but she still told me it will be OK.
I will report it as I'm already scared to leave the house. I've been crying all day. Holding his clothes. I'm so heartbroken he has been my rock through this and our relationship I think he's brave and strong for going through this I don't have anyone I can talk to like I use to with him. It's going to be hard I just wasn't prepared for this much pain
Thank you all for your messages means so much to me
I will report it as I'm already scared to leave the house. I've been crying all day. Holding his clothes. I'm so heartbroken he has been my rock through this and our relationship I think he's brave and strong for going through this I don't have anyone I can talk to like I use to with him. It's going to be hard I just wasn't prepared for this much pain
Thank you all for your messages means so much to me
@Lish Your post reminded me so much of my feelings when my husband was sentenced, I felt like my world had fallen apart. Your emotions are raw and the shock is overwhelming, everything that you feel is unbearable. The wait for processing through the prison system is slow but your person will be safe. My husband was sentenced in January, we speak everyday and I visit once a month. Give yourself time to process what has happened. I found this forum to be an absolute lifeline in the early days. I also sought support from my GP. I promise you will get through this and you will learn to navigate this new temporary normal. It may seem like forever but it isn't xx
I missed his call I'm deverstated I was a split second where I looked away and missed it. Will I get a call back I'm deverstated I've made the decision to go back to our flat tomorrow and start getting my life ready for him to come home money is going to be so tight but I know I can do it. I will write on here regularly. Any advice on how I can get through these next few weeks? X
Oh Lish, I'm so sorry you missed the call, I have no advice I'm afraid but just want to take you back to Life feels over's comment, they said they talk every day, so hopefully tomorrow. Sending hugs
Ah bless you Lish - let me reassure you although scary he will be looked after and they will keep an eye on him....... They monitor them closely and he'll possibly be allocated a buddy / an inmate trained to support the new guys.
I think us on the outside tend to suffer more / we certainly have little support....... you can do this my lovely and as each day passes you will gather strength and get into routine with calls etc.
i feel your pain and reach out to give you a hug. Don't let these idiots get to you - they have no idea about your circumstances. You can inform the police if you feel scared or intimidated..... chin up xxxxxxx
I think us on the outside tend to suffer more / we certainly have little support....... you can do this my lovely and as each day passes you will gather strength and get into routine with calls etc.
i feel your pain and reach out to give you a hug. Don't let these idiots get to you - they have no idea about your circumstances. You can inform the police if you feel scared or intimidated..... chin up xxxxxxx
I never expected this long I'm so scared I know time will heal some of the pain but it feels like life times away. I miss him so much
Lish x
I am so so sorry, please be assured he will be ok, the pain and shock is unbearable just breath once you know where he is you will be able to speak to him, we are all here for you so please reach out to us and remember you are not alone xx
I am so so sorry, please be assured he will be ok, the pain and shock is unbearable just breath once you know where he is you will be able to speak to him, we are all here for you so please reach out to us and remember you are not alone xx
Might not help at the moment Lish but can I add that time really does pass SO quickly.
Again, I say, once you get in a routine of calls, e mails, visits (if you decide to do visits) etc, you will settle and so will he. In prison they encourage the men to keep their family ties as it's so important for their rehabilitation.
it takes time to settle but it will do- promise x
Again, I say, once you get in a routine of calls, e mails, visits (if you decide to do visits) etc, you will settle and so will he. In prison they encourage the men to keep their family ties as it's so important for their rehabilitation.
it takes time to settle but it will do- promise x
@Lish he will be allowed a call to let you know he's ok which im guessing is the call you missed, I'm not sure if he will be allowed to try again. I bought a landline phone with an answer machine incorporated so I wouldn't miss any contact. It's cheaper for them to call a landline than a mobile. Processing on arrival at prison is unfortunately a slow process. The waiting is incredibly hard. He will have to add any contact numbers he wishes to call to his authorised contacts and the prison will then call the numbers to verify them before he will be able to ring. Once your number is verified you can speak regularly as long as he has phone credit on his account. You will be able to write and email once you have his prisoner number and know where he is located. The prison at which my husband is located use the eMates app which I add credit to and use this to send email and photos. Our daughter speaks via video call. Visiting will depend on the prison. My first visit was heartbreaking and incredibly hard but it becomes less overwhelming as time goes on. Remember to look after yourself x It seems like a moment ago I was left reeling with a completely unexpected custodial sentence. I'm now approaching the 11 month mark and we are looking towards his release. You are strong. We are strong. You will be ok xx
https://doingtime.co.uk/how-prisons-work/the-first-weeks-in-custody/
https://doingtime.co.uk/how-prisons-work/the-first-weeks-in-custody/
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Thank you all so much for you're support it means alot to me.
I feel empty inside still but I feel more positive today I have alot of things to plan over this next month but once its all sorted I can focus on looking after myself.
Thank you for the link I will read that now. I've been so much reading and research probably alittle to much but I feel calmer knowing more about everything it gives me piece of mind. I'm making sure I'm not fixating today was the first time I played and game today on my phone. Its been so hard to as it was something we use to do together. But I took a small step and I'm proud of myself
Xxxx
I feel empty inside still but I feel more positive today I have alot of things to plan over this next month but once its all sorted I can focus on looking after myself.
Thank you for the link I will read that now. I've been so much reading and research probably alittle to much but I feel calmer knowing more about everything it gives me piece of mind. I'm making sure I'm not fixating today was the first time I played and game today on my phone. Its been so hard to as it was something we use to do together. But I took a small step and I'm proud of myself
Xxxx
Thank you all so much for you're support it means alot to me.
I feel empty inside still but I feel more positive today I have alot of things to plan over this next month but once its all sorted I can focus on looking after myself.
Thank you for the link I will read that now. I've been so much reading and research probably alittle to much but I feel calmer knowing more about everything it gives me piece of mind. I'm making sure I'm not fixating today was the first time I played and game today on my phone. Its been so hard to as it was something we use to do together. But I took a small step and I'm proud of myself
Xxxx
I feel empty inside still but I feel more positive today I have alot of things to plan over this next month but once its all sorted I can focus on looking after myself.
Thank you for the link I will read that now. I've been so much reading and research probably alittle to much but I feel calmer knowing more about everything it gives me piece of mind. I'm making sure I'm not fixating today was the first time I played and game today on my phone. Its been so hard to as it was something we use to do together. But I took a small step and I'm proud of myself
Xxxx
Well done...... you feel a small step, but it's a step forward. How is your partner doing, have you spoke?
Nope haven't spoken to him yet but I spoke to welfare in there and they said he told them to tell me he's coping very well and he's feeling OK. I should get a call in the next day or so I can't wait to hear his voice. Xxx
Thanks for the update Lish, I litterally check back all the time to see if you have spoken! I heart literally goes out to you. Let us know, I'm invested now!!!
Lish x
Just checking in on you , hope your are keeping ok under the circumstances x
Hopefully you will have a call.from him soon and glad he is ok, he will be kept safe xx
Just checking in on you , hope your are keeping ok under the circumstances x
Hopefully you will have a call.from him soon and glad he is ok, he will be kept safe xx
Hello everyone,
It's been a while since I messaged on here. Well where to begin, it's about 3 weeks now since his custodial sentence began. I heard from him a week after court. I cried so much and he reassured me that he is doing OK and coping well. I have felt massive relief after every call then sadness as I want to speak to him longer.
Christmas day was OK for both of us but boxing day was harder he said he felt the same. Didn't really celebrate Xmas no point if he's not here. I felt guilty and worried for him. He has a cell mate so he's not completely alone I guess. I'm having massive financial struggles which is probably why I'm not sleeping well at all, going to bed a 5am everyday.
I have been out on a few walks which have helped me out. Spoken to him a few times and he gave me a surprise call 2 minutes before midnight on new years eve and his words 'did you really think I wouldn't call you on new years, we are going into this new year together' my heart melted I really didn't expect it and it was so thoughtful and I needed that call so much it was like he knew I did.
I should hopefully see him in the next week or so waiting on a visit confirmation. I feel scared and nervous haha not sure why haha. I truly miss him so much and I'm struggling most with him not being by my side. I spoke to my doctors and I should get a call in a week or so for emotional support.
I miss the physical side so much at the moment his cuddles and kisses and our banter I miss it all.
Thank you all for taking time in your day to check up on me I greatly appreciate it.
Lots of love
Alisha
It's been a while since I messaged on here. Well where to begin, it's about 3 weeks now since his custodial sentence began. I heard from him a week after court. I cried so much and he reassured me that he is doing OK and coping well. I have felt massive relief after every call then sadness as I want to speak to him longer.
Christmas day was OK for both of us but boxing day was harder he said he felt the same. Didn't really celebrate Xmas no point if he's not here. I felt guilty and worried for him. He has a cell mate so he's not completely alone I guess. I'm having massive financial struggles which is probably why I'm not sleeping well at all, going to bed a 5am everyday.
I have been out on a few walks which have helped me out. Spoken to him a few times and he gave me a surprise call 2 minutes before midnight on new years eve and his words 'did you really think I wouldn't call you on new years, we are going into this new year together' my heart melted I really didn't expect it and it was so thoughtful and I needed that call so much it was like he knew I did.
I should hopefully see him in the next week or so waiting on a visit confirmation. I feel scared and nervous haha not sure why haha. I truly miss him so much and I'm struggling most with him not being by my side. I spoke to my doctors and I should get a call in a week or so for emotional support.
I miss the physical side so much at the moment his cuddles and kisses and our banter I miss it all.
Thank you all for taking time in your day to check up on me I greatly appreciate it.
Lots of love
Alisha
I for one and I'm sure all the other ladies are extremely proud of you Lish, look at you - look how far you've come - you ARE moving forward - well done sweetheart.......
I am really close to my son - he's my best friend, like me in character and we 'read' each other without speaking...... miss him..... I thrive when he calls and the unexpected ones are the best although I always fear the worst....... so I know how important the calls are.
Try to ignore these idiots and their comments. Unless you've been on this journey keep quiet,you've no understanding whatsoever. Perhaps change your number if it persists.
Good luck with the visit - I'm sure ladies could advise on visits, my dear friend Upset will no doubt respond (bless her).
once again 'well done'.
I am really close to my son - he's my best friend, like me in character and we 'read' each other without speaking...... miss him..... I thrive when he calls and the unexpected ones are the best although I always fear the worst....... so I know how important the calls are.
Try to ignore these idiots and their comments. Unless you've been on this journey keep quiet,you've no understanding whatsoever. Perhaps change your number if it persists.
Good luck with the visit - I'm sure ladies could advise on visits, my dear friend Upset will no doubt respond (bless her).
once again 'well done'.
Lish x
I will reply later once I am finished work
Please feel free to message me with any questions you have about visits and I will give you as much support and advice as I can
Xx
I will reply later once I am finished work
Please feel free to message me with any questions you have about visits and I will give you as much support and advice as I can
Xx
Just another well done from me Lish. I remember your original post and how sad and hopeless you sounded. My heart went out to you. You are certainly still sad but not nearly as hopeless and you are such a comfort to those of us waiting for sentencing as you have shown how you have coped with what we all dread. Just to reassure you about prison - I've visited people in the past and also volunteered in a Young Offenders Prison and that first experience of the security measures, the barbed wire, the jangling of keys and locks......it's horrible but you do get used to it and some of the staff are really friendly (hopefully all but there are always a few miserable gits in any job!) and your person is still the same person, just in another setting than you're used to.
A funny story.....when I volunteered my friend who was the chaplain warned me not to accept a sweet off any of the lads unless it was securely wrapped. When I asked if it was because it might be doctored with a drug (I watch too many TV dramas!) he said 'no, it's because they always have their hands down their tracksuit bottoms.' Oh my, but if you know teenage boys that is so true, always rummaging :) :)
Sorry to lower the tone of the forum!!!
A funny story.....when I volunteered my friend who was the chaplain warned me not to accept a sweet off any of the lads unless it was securely wrapped. When I asked if it was because it might be doctored with a drug (I watch too many TV dramas!) he said 'no, it's because they always have their hands down their tracksuit bottoms.' Oh my, but if you know teenage boys that is so true, always rummaging :) :)
Sorry to lower the tone of the forum!!!
rainyday - that's hilarious - one of my pet hates is men's habits when they wear jogging bottoms!!!!!!!!! X fortunately my hubby loves his jeans...
just shows you with any situation humour is never far away :-)
just shows you with any situation humour is never far away :-)
Evening Lish x
First of all I just wanted to say how incredibly proud you should be on how far you have come and each day you will get stronger x
So pleased you had a call NY
As for visits as daunting as they seem the first one is always the hardest as you haven't seen each other for a while but they do become a routine once you know the rules etc
My son is in a SO prison and it is a very relaxed atmosphere, we have a canteen I think most do, in my sons prison you have to bring coins only to use, no notes are allowed, ID is a must dress code is ok but call the visitors centre they can give you all the info,
He will start to establish a routine and tell him to ask his PO for what education is available etc
The most important thing is for you to focus on yourself and be kind to yourself, its early days and you are still in shock but there is support there, and of course you have us
As I said earlier please message me if you need any other information xx
First of all I just wanted to say how incredibly proud you should be on how far you have come and each day you will get stronger x
So pleased you had a call NY
As for visits as daunting as they seem the first one is always the hardest as you haven't seen each other for a while but they do become a routine once you know the rules etc
My son is in a SO prison and it is a very relaxed atmosphere, we have a canteen I think most do, in my sons prison you have to bring coins only to use, no notes are allowed, ID is a must dress code is ok but call the visitors centre they can give you all the info,
He will start to establish a routine and tell him to ask his PO for what education is available etc
The most important thing is for you to focus on yourself and be kind to yourself, its early days and you are still in shock but there is support there, and of course you have us
As I said earlier please message me if you need any other information xx
Rainyday52- this is so funny I hate it when I seen men walking around with their hands in the bottoms haha.
I had a call today and hes doing well, we laughed and giggled which felt amazing just like he was sat right there with me.
All your messages mean so much to me and he's got to sort the VO out tomorrow so I can visit him so hopefully it will be very soon xxx
I had a call today and hes doing well, we laughed and giggled which felt amazing just like he was sat right there with me.
All your messages mean so much to me and he's got to sort the VO out tomorrow so I can visit him so hopefully it will be very soon xxx
Brilliant- Lish it's lovely to read about your progress. Yes the calls keep you going don't they? Our conversations tend to be on everyday things dinner - weather etc. Often we have a laugh - a loud laugh which I DID find irritating at times now music to my ears. Very rare we go 'serious'.
these communications must mean the world to them. My son tells me many of the men have no one on the outside. :-(. Which I find so sad.
these communications must mean the world to them. My son tells me many of the men have no one on the outside. :-(. Which I find so sad.