Family and Friends Forum

Two years ago today my now-ex rang me to say the police wanted to speak to him. He had no idea why. We rang round to make sure his family was okay. They were. We were so confused. Later that day a Detective Inspector rang me to say my partner was in custody, and they had a warrant to search the house. I rushed home to be greeted by five police and a sniffer dog and still clueless as to what was happening. Then they showed me the search warrant and I went into shock.

I spent the next two years carrying his dirty secret, waiting for it to hit the news and social media, constantly worried about vigilantes trashing the house, my car. Worried about my own reputation. I was an emotional hostage.

He showed no remorse. He never really apologised to me. He never told me the truth, playing down his offenses, as if he was the victim in all of this - of police entrapment, of a random stranger sending him files containing folders of images he never looked at.

Then in June of this year I heard the truth from his barrister who read out to us some of the CPS evidence against him just before he went into his Plea Hearing in Crown Court, and that's when I knew I had to save myself.

I've spent the past two years as his emotional hostage, but all the fear, stress, panic, hurt and just about every convoluted emotion immediately lifted from my shoulders, heart and soul the day he moved out. The moment I heard his car door close, the engine fire up and the car drive away. I was sat in a chair on my patio on a warm day at the end of September this year, my ever-loyal cat by my side. I felt as if someone had opened the door to my prison and I was in that doorway finally free. The relief was overwhelming. I cried to finally be free of what he had put me through. I was free of being tied to a man who had done something I never imagined he would or could do.

I was now my own woman, a survivor, with my whole life ahead of me at the age of 62. Three days later I was on a plane to Scotland for the first time to stay with a dear friend. I explored the beauty of the Highlands, rode a Highland pony of the beach, spent time alone blissfully in my own company. Three weeks later I was on another plane to the US for my annual trip to visit family ( a trip he loved as we had talked about moving over there, but he will never be allowed into the US now). I explored four States, got used to dining on my own, did exactly what I wanted to do, reconnected with dear female friends from my past.

I am home. I'm in the house we shared, but I've made it mine. He tried gaslighting me a couple of weeks ago, but I survived. I'm in control of my life, and I released any tie to him three months ago when he moved out. He should be in court next month.

For those of you who wonder if there is life after The Knock, that very much depends on you. I am blessed with an amazing therapist who helped me find my answers. I have an amazing support network of family and friends. We are all survivors. I hope all of you find your resilience and inner strength to own your life no matter what path you decide to take.