I have a theory as to why they do it
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Hi
I am new here and my brother was arrested almost 3 weeks ago for a conversation in a chat room Our whole family is reeling from the shock and I am doing my best to support my brother and his wife
I can honestly say my brother did not come from a background of sexual abuse however he has always been into porn although always adult porn my
My theory is that because men generally have higher sex drives that’s why they are more prone to this kind of thing than women. Some men also like to be in control and dominate as part of their nature. I wonder then that as women have become more equal and now holding our own with jobs and positions of more power whether men have started to feel a loss of power and perhaps due to their natural instincts to want to dominate some have found themselves looking to more vulnerable humans (children) to make them feel more powerful again. Of course not that this makes it right at all but perhaps men have started to feel emasculated and maybe we need look at ways of addressing this as a possible reason?
Im not totally sure this is the case but it is a theory ?
What do others think?
I am new here and my brother was arrested almost 3 weeks ago for a conversation in a chat room Our whole family is reeling from the shock and I am doing my best to support my brother and his wife
I can honestly say my brother did not come from a background of sexual abuse however he has always been into porn although always adult porn my
My theory is that because men generally have higher sex drives that’s why they are more prone to this kind of thing than women. Some men also like to be in control and dominate as part of their nature. I wonder then that as women have become more equal and now holding our own with jobs and positions of more power whether men have started to feel a loss of power and perhaps due to their natural instincts to want to dominate some have found themselves looking to more vulnerable humans (children) to make them feel more powerful again. Of course not that this makes it right at all but perhaps men have started to feel emasculated and maybe we need look at ways of addressing this as a possible reason?
Im not totally sure this is the case but it is a theory ?
What do others think?
Just to be clear I am in no way suggesting that’s the reason in any particular case. I am just wondering if that’s why this kind of thing is on the increase in general due to men becoming less powerful than they used to be
Hi bewildered
I'm not sure I agree with you, there may be a small percentage as you described but I think it is maybe more likely that it is more readily available to them than a few years ago and that is only going to increase.
It's all too easy for someone to watch porn, the amount of children that have seen it before the age of 18 is huge and that's because it's easily accessible. They can watch it on their phones.
Potential, in the cases of your brother, my husband and many others they then want more and unfortunately that more can be children. There are many people with addictions around porn but due to the very nature of it being illegal, people will rarely ask for help but instead keep it a secret.
With my husband as I'm sure with your brother, they carry on a normal life, normal conversations, normal sex life etc but all the while they are hiding something so huge.
Yes, some men (& women) want to dominate etc but I would suggest that is quite a small percentage
Hope things go work for you and your all manage to cope through this awful time xx
I'm not sure I agree with you, there may be a small percentage as you described but I think it is maybe more likely that it is more readily available to them than a few years ago and that is only going to increase.
It's all too easy for someone to watch porn, the amount of children that have seen it before the age of 18 is huge and that's because it's easily accessible. They can watch it on their phones.
Potential, in the cases of your brother, my husband and many others they then want more and unfortunately that more can be children. There are many people with addictions around porn but due to the very nature of it being illegal, people will rarely ask for help but instead keep it a secret.
With my husband as I'm sure with your brother, they carry on a normal life, normal conversations, normal sex life etc but all the while they are hiding something so huge.
Yes, some men (& women) want to dominate etc but I would suggest that is quite a small percentage
Hope things go work for you and your all manage to cope through this awful time xx
Hi Tracey
My brother hasn’t been right in about a year. Work stress, drinking too much and yes I think his addiction to porn probably led him down this dark road and god knows what he was thinking.
I am so grateful for this place. I never thought in a million years I’d be here. I thought this kind of stuff happened to others and never once thought about the families behind these (mainly) men who do this kind of thing
It has made me realise good men and decent and lovely men CAN do bad things and it breaks my heart to see how much destruction it can cause
X
My brother hasn’t been right in about a year. Work stress, drinking too much and yes I think his addiction to porn probably led him down this dark road and god knows what he was thinking.
I am so grateful for this place. I never thought in a million years I’d be here. I thought this kind of stuff happened to others and never once thought about the families behind these (mainly) men who do this kind of thing
It has made me realise good men and decent and lovely men CAN do bad things and it breaks my heart to see how much destruction it can cause
X
My sons was a porn addiction and he has said he got desensitised to it which leads on to more hardcore stuff also I do think that to get the hardcore they have to go on illegal sites which is where “add ons” and “pop ups” get onto devices so maybe out of 200 images only 1 has actually been viewed!! But the fact they possess all 100 they are in trouble !
Porn addiction is the same as s drug addict an alcoholic a gambler all addictions lead down a dark path some are however more socially acceptable
keep strong guys xxx
Porn addiction is the same as s drug addict an alcoholic a gambler all addictions lead down a dark path some are however more socially acceptable
keep strong guys xxx
Hi Janno
Yes I think they do get desensitised to the porn and end up going further to get the fix. What I don’t understand is you hear about grown men going to prosititutes dressing up as babies etc and they are in effect doing role play underage sex in real life. My brother claims he was doing role play chat about underage sex with other adults in a chat room so I don’t understand why the online thing is worse than the man who goes to a prositute for the “role play”?
Yes I think they do get desensitised to the porn and end up going further to get the fix. What I don’t understand is you hear about grown men going to prosititutes dressing up as babies etc and they are in effect doing role play underage sex in real life. My brother claims he was doing role play chat about underage sex with other adults in a chat room so I don’t understand why the online thing is worse than the man who goes to a prositute for the “role play”?
Hi bewildered
With prostitution it should be 2 consenting adults, what you do with each other in a consentual relationship is just between you. The difference here is they are children, not consenting, underage, being forced into doing something they shouldn't even know about at their age let alone be doing. The children are being abused for men's (& less so women's) pleasure, it's an industry that makes a fortune because men are willing to pay to see it.
You will find all different sorts of men who's wives/partners are on here, it's a mistake to think they are a seedy looking man, they are upstanding members of society on the outside while carrying this terrible secret on the inside.
I would agree with Janno that the addiction part leads on to wanting bigger and bigger highs, my husband was even watching beheadings and people being killed. If the man is willing and able to accept what he's done is so wrong and do all he can to get help they can come back from this, it's the men who totally deny they have done any wrong that there potentially is a problem with.
I hope your brother gets the support and help he needs but his wife will also need lots of support over this, it's an awful situation to be in
Xx
With prostitution it should be 2 consenting adults, what you do with each other in a consentual relationship is just between you. The difference here is they are children, not consenting, underage, being forced into doing something they shouldn't even know about at their age let alone be doing. The children are being abused for men's (& less so women's) pleasure, it's an industry that makes a fortune because men are willing to pay to see it.
You will find all different sorts of men who's wives/partners are on here, it's a mistake to think they are a seedy looking man, they are upstanding members of society on the outside while carrying this terrible secret on the inside.
I would agree with Janno that the addiction part leads on to wanting bigger and bigger highs, my husband was even watching beheadings and people being killed. If the man is willing and able to accept what he's done is so wrong and do all he can to get help they can come back from this, it's the men who totally deny they have done any wrong that there potentially is a problem with.
I hope your brother gets the support and help he needs but his wife will also need lots of support over this, it's an awful situation to be in
Xx
My husband has got into this mess ( putting it politely) due to a porn addiction. He was just looking for that one image that would do it, or the one person. He has never shown any trying to dominate me in bed behaviour so I'm not convinced it's down to men being emasculated.
My husband fully accepts what he has done and was seeking help before the images came to light. Unfortunately like Tracey said, it's hard for them to be open and seek help because of the nature of the issue. There also seems far more help once you have been caught which is a shame that people don't know about the stop it now helpline before the knock.
They need to educate everyone, and soon, it's an epidemic due to easily ready porn.
My husband fully accepts what he has done and was seeking help before the images came to light. Unfortunately like Tracey said, it's hard for them to be open and seek help because of the nature of the issue. There also seems far more help once you have been caught which is a shame that people don't know about the stop it now helpline before the knock.
They need to educate everyone, and soon, it's an epidemic due to easily ready porn.
Addiction can play a huge part in these crimes. People can become addicted to anything not just drugs, alcohol, gambling etc. I dont know about the role of feeling less masculine but low self esteem, stress, mental health etc appear to be factors in lots of cases. Sex is a huge part of people's lives we dont talk about it much but it's a natural thing. It's a great stress relief for some, with porn so accessible and often private its easy for it to become a stress reliever, fun, secretive, but for some people it's not enough and they become dependent on it, need more extreme things to fulfill the hit in the same way a drug addict or gambler may go on to harder drugs, drain their bank account to get that high. For my partner the thrill of chatting with women was his high, he became dependant on it. Sadly the need for that high made him ignore or disregard important information being given to him within a conversation, to get carried away with a conversation. All rational thought was lost and with his autism he doesn't always think about the feelings of others/understand their intentions (that's not an excuse but it played a part). Like all other addictions it is possible to kick the habit with help, as this problem escalates I think more help will be available (I hope anyway). I never knew the dangers of porn and had never even thought it could be an addiction but I agree that young people now will have more of an issue in the future with porn being so easy to access and all that the dangers internet gives with chat, porn and everything else.
I think theres a few reasons why. About a year before my situation me and my husband weren't sleeping together. It's not like I hadn't spoken to him about it and it wasnt as if I was saying no I'm tired etc. Quite often I would give a hint and go up to bed only to find he had fallen asleep on the sofa. Did he find the porn better than me?
Hi,
Thanks for that, yes I will look at those videos. I guess I'm trying to find an answer to why he started in the first place. I will always blame myself though as why would anyone refuse if it's being offered to them. It's not as though I didn't try. Also if I go on to another relationship I will always think about this. Hope you are doing ok x
Thanks for that, yes I will look at those videos. I guess I'm trying to find an answer to why he started in the first place. I will always blame myself though as why would anyone refuse if it's being offered to them. It's not as though I didn't try. Also if I go on to another relationship I will always think about this. Hope you are doing ok x