Angry at the unknown
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Hi, in summary I had to report husband to police as I found iiof on a memory stick. He was arrested and bailed to a family member outside the local area. I dealt with the police serachs, social services etc while he enjoyed reliving the single life away.
I've had a few weeks since the arrest, I've sorted out daily sykpe calls for son and a supervised visit (emotional roller-coaster there! Husband spoke to 2 twice to me about some items he wanted from house)...im now feeling angry, angry about the hidden lies, angry about how he blamed it on me, angry about how his son is an after thought, angry that I sorted and supervised contact and treated like dirt, angry I will likely loose my home I put blood sweat and tears into as well as majority of deposit, angry I'm not dealing with no income just before Xmas, angry he hasn't told his parents the truth....
But mostly angry that now I don't have any answers or idea what is next, I've no idea if it's going to court, no idea what category images he had (I only caught a glimpse but heard police say hundreds), angry he told people nothing hardcore which now makes me doubt myself for ruining our lives....
I know there will be stages like there is during grief, but will I get answers? I feel he had gone away and I am left dealing with real life.
It's going to be months until the technology is looked into for the police to give me some answers and I don't know if I dare ask husband the truth as he seems to be in la la land.
I've started to sort the practical side of things but the emotional fall out after 16years together?
Any shared anger?
I've had a few weeks since the arrest, I've sorted out daily sykpe calls for son and a supervised visit (emotional roller-coaster there! Husband spoke to 2 twice to me about some items he wanted from house)...im now feeling angry, angry about the hidden lies, angry about how he blamed it on me, angry about how his son is an after thought, angry that I sorted and supervised contact and treated like dirt, angry I will likely loose my home I put blood sweat and tears into as well as majority of deposit, angry I'm not dealing with no income just before Xmas, angry he hasn't told his parents the truth....
But mostly angry that now I don't have any answers or idea what is next, I've no idea if it's going to court, no idea what category images he had (I only caught a glimpse but heard police say hundreds), angry he told people nothing hardcore which now makes me doubt myself for ruining our lives....
I know there will be stages like there is during grief, but will I get answers? I feel he had gone away and I am left dealing with real life.
It's going to be months until the technology is looked into for the police to give me some answers and I don't know if I dare ask husband the truth as he seems to be in la la land.
I've started to sort the practical side of things but the emotional fall out after 16years together?
Any shared anger?
yes for sure!
angry at the time I will never get back while dealing with this
angry at the limbo we are in for months to years
angry over his approach to money esp when he needs several thousand for legal fees
angry on how so much is on me, SS are worried about me & no one can actually help me
angry he was so weak to get himself in this position
angry I can not share the truth
angry this might be on my DBS
but in the last 5 months the day to day anger has gone, he in back home to a degree with supervised contact with children so that takes some of the money anger away as no longer renting a room...... and he is sorting himself out and at least not living the single life so the day today is better.
I think it will come back big style once I know the volumes of images..... and move towards the court process
angry at the time I will never get back while dealing with this
angry at the limbo we are in for months to years
angry over his approach to money esp when he needs several thousand for legal fees
angry on how so much is on me, SS are worried about me & no one can actually help me
angry he was so weak to get himself in this position
angry I can not share the truth
angry this might be on my DBS
but in the last 5 months the day to day anger has gone, he in back home to a degree with supervised contact with children so that takes some of the money anger away as no longer renting a room...... and he is sorting himself out and at least not living the single life so the day today is better.
I think it will come back big style once I know the volumes of images..... and move towards the court process
Thank you for the reply. It's good to know I'm not alone in my anger, alot of threads I guess people have come to terms as far as they can but I am just not there yet.
Im glad things are getting a bit better and calmer for you as things settle down.
I wish the investigations would be alot faster! The agony waiting is awful!
Im glad things are getting a bit better and calmer for you as things settle down.
I wish the investigations would be alot faster! The agony waiting is awful!
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I have felt much anger at what my son did. What he did to himself and how he has blasted our family apart. The pain he's put us all through and indeed the pain we still feel.
i truly believe he never realised the devastating consequences his secret life would bring once discovered. Like our lovely Lee once said with an addiction of any kind consequences don't enter your head..... so true......
I think anger is a very exhausting and distructive emotion which personally I have tried to let it go and put to rest. This has helped me move forward with much more confident willpower.
This is a personal view but I do realise it's not that easy to do for many......
******* AnxiousGirl - I put my arms round you and say everything will be ok *********
i truly believe he never realised the devastating consequences his secret life would bring once discovered. Like our lovely Lee once said with an addiction of any kind consequences don't enter your head..... so true......
I think anger is a very exhausting and distructive emotion which personally I have tried to let it go and put to rest. This has helped me move forward with much more confident willpower.
This is a personal view but I do realise it's not that easy to do for many......
******* AnxiousGirl - I put my arms round you and say everything will be ok *********