My experience giving birth
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Hi,
I've read some posts in the last few days from ladies that are either pregnant or are planning to get pregnant.
I've given birth to my 3rd child 5 days ago, on December 20th 2023. I already have a little boy and a little girl and I have a 2nd daughter now.
I just want to write down my own experience - I know everyone's case and situation is different, but maybe it will help some ladies.
Bit of background: My husband was arrested in July 22 for making/distributing indecent images on kik. He's since been released under investigation. Social Services have closed our case after a month. My husband is allowed to stay in our house, if I supervise him with the kids and if i sleep in the same room with the children at night (my son is 3 1/2 and my daughter is 22 months old).
My husband's solicitor has been in touch with the police and he has been informed that the police are now in possession of the forensic report, but they haven't had time to look at it yet, apparently there's a queue and they are very busy.
When I fell pregnant again, I was asked about previous social services involvement by the booking midwife. Of course I had to be honest and she said she would make a referral and get in touch with social services.
I fully expected social services to get in touch with me, at least give me a quick phone call to let me know what they are going to do. They never did.
My midwife, that I saw for my regular appointments, also never brought it up with me. She only was interested in doing the antenatal checks, like listening to heartbeat, measuring my blood pressure.
I know that the referral was definitely made. When I went to the hospital for a blood check, it said unter risk factors social: precious social services involvement.
When I went to the hospital to give birth, a midwife did the handover in the delivery room and mentioned loudly to the other midwife: previous ss. I don't know what they discussed after that, because I went to the toilet at that point.
Later on, but I don't know if I misheard as I was already using gas and air, one of the midwives mentioned "oh and about the ss-strict confidence case".
They didn't stop my husband from being my birth partner, but I'm sure they must have known something, because they weren't overly friendly with him. It was a different birth experience from when I had my first two, when the midwives were quite chatty with him. It was a different hospital back then, but I noticed and felt the difference.
I ended up needing a C-section anyway, and my husband was allowed in the theatre with me.
I fully expected a member of staff to pull him to the side at some point, telling him he had to leave now, but it never happened.
The midwife that discussed the ss involvement in the delivery room was in the theatre as well and she even gave my husband the visiting hours of the postnatal ward.
I was in hospital until Friday and my husband was allowed to visit me every single day on the postnatal ward, nobody stopped him.
A community midwife came to my house yesterday and she also didn't bring it up with me. She will come again tomorrow on Christmas day for the heel prick check, so maybe she will say something then, I don't know.
Overall, I'm glad that our baby girl arrived safely and that there weren't any birth complications.
It still wasn't the most positive birth experience.
I've always asked myself how much they knew and I felt like I was wearing a scarlet letter.
I also was very fearful after giving birth that I would be approached by social workers in the hospital taking my baby away from me.
I also fully expect social services to get back in touch with me in 2024.
I'm also baffled that the hospital never made a safety plan or that social services haven't approached me before giving birth.
Anyway, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a good start to 2024. It's wonderful that we have this forum, we're we can be open and vulnerable with each other.
I've read some posts in the last few days from ladies that are either pregnant or are planning to get pregnant.
I've given birth to my 3rd child 5 days ago, on December 20th 2023. I already have a little boy and a little girl and I have a 2nd daughter now.
I just want to write down my own experience - I know everyone's case and situation is different, but maybe it will help some ladies.
Bit of background: My husband was arrested in July 22 for making/distributing indecent images on kik. He's since been released under investigation. Social Services have closed our case after a month. My husband is allowed to stay in our house, if I supervise him with the kids and if i sleep in the same room with the children at night (my son is 3 1/2 and my daughter is 22 months old).
My husband's solicitor has been in touch with the police and he has been informed that the police are now in possession of the forensic report, but they haven't had time to look at it yet, apparently there's a queue and they are very busy.
When I fell pregnant again, I was asked about previous social services involvement by the booking midwife. Of course I had to be honest and she said she would make a referral and get in touch with social services.
I fully expected social services to get in touch with me, at least give me a quick phone call to let me know what they are going to do. They never did.
My midwife, that I saw for my regular appointments, also never brought it up with me. She only was interested in doing the antenatal checks, like listening to heartbeat, measuring my blood pressure.
I know that the referral was definitely made. When I went to the hospital for a blood check, it said unter risk factors social: precious social services involvement.
When I went to the hospital to give birth, a midwife did the handover in the delivery room and mentioned loudly to the other midwife: previous ss. I don't know what they discussed after that, because I went to the toilet at that point.
Later on, but I don't know if I misheard as I was already using gas and air, one of the midwives mentioned "oh and about the ss-strict confidence case".
They didn't stop my husband from being my birth partner, but I'm sure they must have known something, because they weren't overly friendly with him. It was a different birth experience from when I had my first two, when the midwives were quite chatty with him. It was a different hospital back then, but I noticed and felt the difference.
I ended up needing a C-section anyway, and my husband was allowed in the theatre with me.
I fully expected a member of staff to pull him to the side at some point, telling him he had to leave now, but it never happened.
The midwife that discussed the ss involvement in the delivery room was in the theatre as well and she even gave my husband the visiting hours of the postnatal ward.
I was in hospital until Friday and my husband was allowed to visit me every single day on the postnatal ward, nobody stopped him.
A community midwife came to my house yesterday and she also didn't bring it up with me. She will come again tomorrow on Christmas day for the heel prick check, so maybe she will say something then, I don't know.
Overall, I'm glad that our baby girl arrived safely and that there weren't any birth complications.
It still wasn't the most positive birth experience.
I've always asked myself how much they knew and I felt like I was wearing a scarlet letter.
I also was very fearful after giving birth that I would be approached by social workers in the hospital taking my baby away from me.
I also fully expect social services to get back in touch with me in 2024.
I'm also baffled that the hospital never made a safety plan or that social services haven't approached me before giving birth.
Anyway, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a good start to 2024. It's wonderful that we have this forum, we're we can be open and vulnerable with each other.
Noticed you haven't a response as yet.
congratulations on your new baby x a Christmas hug sent x
congratulations on your new baby x a Christmas hug sent x
Congratulations on the safe arrival of your daughter. I hope you heal well and are able to get plenty of rest following C-Section. I hope SS involvement when it goes start goes well. Xxx
Congratulations to you and your husband and may these early weeks be peaceful and enjoyable for you both with helpful interaction from SS if they insist!
Firstly congratulations to you both on the safe arrival of your baby girl x
I hope today brings you all much needed happiness, enjoy your family time x
I hope today brings you all much needed happiness, enjoy your family time x
Congratulations on safe arrival of your baby! And thank you for sharing your experience with us.
I am pregnant and will be giving birth in 2024, I have a teenager and I currently do live with my husband.
I really hope we can continue to live together but I can not sleep with my teenager and a newborn as it's not fair on the older child!
Social services so far hasn't been kind, I have CPP conference and PLO to deal with as soon as the Christmas break is over.
I hope the first few days are not too hard, and you recover well.
x
I am pregnant and will be giving birth in 2024, I have a teenager and I currently do live with my husband.
I really hope we can continue to live together but I can not sleep with my teenager and a newborn as it's not fair on the older child!
Social services so far hasn't been kind, I have CPP conference and PLO to deal with as soon as the Christmas break is over.
I hope the first few days are not too hard, and you recover well.
x
Congratulations!!! Worth mentioning that closed cases come up on medical notes so even if a referral went in that may not be the reason that it was mentioned during delivery xxx
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy!!
Congratulations; I hope the little one eats and sleeps well for you and that the coming weeks are as straightforward as they can be
xxx
xxx
Hi hpi11 if you don't mind me asking was you husband offence online on a chat room my case is also closed now but I had to separate from my partner as I didn't want to risk my son getting taken away from me my husband can see my son unsupervised when he is 7 which is not bad as he is going to be 5 soon what I really want to know from people experience is there a chance of me haveing a child again I want to be able to give my son a brother or sister I worry soo much of them getting involved again when I get pregnant.
Thanks everyone for your kind wishes!
I haven't been able to respond yet - I've been in the hospital the last couple of days as baby developed a fever. All her blood results have come back normal and it's just a cold that she most likely picked up from her siblings, so we were able to come home today xx
I haven't been able to respond yet - I've been in the hospital the last couple of days as baby developed a fever. All her blood results have come back normal and it's just a cold that she most likely picked up from her siblings, so we were able to come home today xx
Glad you baby daughter is doing ok. Hoping you are ok too as hospitals are very hard places to get rest and sleep. May your return to home be relaxed as it can be and you manage to get some rest. If at all possible (hard I know with other children) try and sleep when your baby sleeps. Xx
@Pinkey2019
It was related to distribution/making of indecent images on kik messenger and is still under investigation.
Nobody can stop you from falling pregnant again and having a child, but social services might become involved again and be difficult xx
It was related to distribution/making of indecent images on kik messenger and is still under investigation.
Nobody can stop you from falling pregnant again and having a child, but social services might become involved again and be difficult xx
@Flower
That's an absolute nightmare and I'm sorry they are treating you this way.
You even follow their safety plan, so I'm not sure what their problem is.
Just goes to show that ss deal with cases so differently and that their is no rhyme or reason to their decisions.
I'm wishing you lots of strength in the new year. Take care xx
That's an absolute nightmare and I'm sorry they are treating you this way.
You even follow their safety plan, so I'm not sure what their problem is.
Just goes to show that ss deal with cases so differently and that their is no rhyme or reason to their decisions.
I'm wishing you lots of strength in the new year. Take care xx
Hpl11
thank you for your reply and yeh I know they can't stop me from haveing a baby but I feel they will use it against me and say how can you be a protective parent when you have decided to get back with your husband I have had assment done from Lucy faithfull which says I am a protective parent and my husband is a low risk and if we was to get back together she knows I will always pirostise my son over the relationship the socail were said to me when my case closed that wait till my son is 7 as he is allowed unsupervised contact when he is 7 then try then but I do know that they will be involved again which will be stressful again but equally I really want my son to have a sibling my husband did couse with Lucy faithfull and I have also done then course as well which should help .
thank you for your reply and yeh I know they can't stop me from haveing a baby but I feel they will use it against me and say how can you be a protective parent when you have decided to get back with your husband I have had assment done from Lucy faithfull which says I am a protective parent and my husband is a low risk and if we was to get back together she knows I will always pirostise my son over the relationship the socail were said to me when my case closed that wait till my son is 7 as he is allowed unsupervised contact when he is 7 then try then but I do know that they will be involved again which will be stressful again but equally I really want my son to have a sibling my husband did couse with Lucy faithfull and I have also done then course as well which should help .