Eating out
Notifications OFF
So, last Wednesday the nightmare started when my son was arrested. He had been "making" images of under age individuals (I don't know what gender, not that it matters)
He hasn't been charged yet but was bailed with conditions not to be in a home with underage people without consent of their parents and the local authority.
After the initial total shock when your stomach turns to stone, we had to consider some practicalities. The first was a family party planned for the Saturday when his 15 year old niece would be present. He sought permission from her parents and social services to attend the party but his sister (the 15 year old's mother), although sure that he was no risk to anyone, said the shock was too raw and she couldn't get to grips with it that quickly. So we told others that he had a migraine and couldn't attend.
He also had to avoid the children of his wife's family over Christmas. Fortunately he has no children of his own.
We are due to attend a family meal in a restaurant in a week's time when the 15 year old niece will again be present. As this is a public place, is he OK to attend? I'm not entirely sure that his sister will accept him there but I'd like to know the general principle.
This seems such a small thing to be asking in light of the fact that our world has been turned upside down by his actions, I don't want anyone to think I'm downplaying the seriousness of what has happened. We know that things are going to get worse and he is truly remorseful and knows he must take the consequences of his actions.
Thank you
He hasn't been charged yet but was bailed with conditions not to be in a home with underage people without consent of their parents and the local authority.
After the initial total shock when your stomach turns to stone, we had to consider some practicalities. The first was a family party planned for the Saturday when his 15 year old niece would be present. He sought permission from her parents and social services to attend the party but his sister (the 15 year old's mother), although sure that he was no risk to anyone, said the shock was too raw and she couldn't get to grips with it that quickly. So we told others that he had a migraine and couldn't attend.
He also had to avoid the children of his wife's family over Christmas. Fortunately he has no children of his own.
We are due to attend a family meal in a restaurant in a week's time when the 15 year old niece will again be present. As this is a public place, is he OK to attend? I'm not entirely sure that his sister will accept him there but I'd like to know the general principle.
This seems such a small thing to be asking in light of the fact that our world has been turned upside down by his actions, I don't want anyone to think I'm downplaying the seriousness of what has happened. We know that things are going to get worse and he is truly remorseful and knows he must take the consequences of his actions.
Thank you
I'm so sorry you've had to join us here. The good news is you would legally be fine to do that if the conditions don't say anything about public places :)
I would, going forward, advise that avoidance of people's homes with children in is wiser than disclosure and trying to get permission, as people can have very judgemental opinions and as the news travels it may make life difficult/uncomfortable for your son
It's a very harsh bail condition to have, I have to say. Usually the conditions are about no overnights and no unsupervised contact rather than no access to a house with a child in it.
I hope you're ok, I definitely recommend the LFF helpline as well as getting a good solicitor early on, for support and guidance on the next steps (as well as the forum of course)
I would, going forward, advise that avoidance of people's homes with children in is wiser than disclosure and trying to get permission, as people can have very judgemental opinions and as the news travels it may make life difficult/uncomfortable for your son
It's a very harsh bail condition to have, I have to say. Usually the conditions are about no overnights and no unsupervised contact rather than no access to a house with a child in it.
I hope you're ok, I definitely recommend the LFF helpline as well as getting a good solicitor early on, for support and guidance on the next steps (as well as the forum of course)
Thank you so much Inthemoment for your reply, thats really helpful. I was concerned to hear that the bail conditions are harsher than you would expect, although I did think at the time that it should have been okay to use the term unsupervised rather than no contact at his home or theirs at all. His nieces and nephews love him dearly and can't understand why he hasn't had the usual happy Xmas events with them. Do you think he could ask for the bail conditions to be adjusted? Particularly as he hasn't even been charged with any offences as yet?
It's difficult to say as each police force works differently but it's particularly stringent and I would say disproportionate to online only offending, and when there's the potential for you to supervise etc. Has your son given an indication of what he's done?
I would personally ask a specialist solicitor about changing the bail conditions but be aware this could incur a significant fee. We looked into getting ours changed and fees ranged from £500-£1500 dependent on solicitor. We left it in the end as it wouldn't have changed anything for us because of our son and the social services safety plan. If you private message me I'm happy to give advice on looking for a solicitor as we had a terrible duty solicitor, an even worse very expensive private one and then a brilliant private one.
I wouldn't talk to the police at all, it's a big risk as you don't know how they'll interpret what you're saying - for example they could take it as an intention to break the conditions and come down harder on him.
Unfortunately these investigations can take a very long time. We had the knock around a year ago and had sentencing 11 months later, which is one of the quicker cases I've seen on this forum. The bail conditions were in place until the plea hearing one month before sentencing, but in effect still remain because social services and probation want them kept in place under a safety plan. So do be aware that it could be a long road.
I would personally ask a specialist solicitor about changing the bail conditions but be aware this could incur a significant fee. We looked into getting ours changed and fees ranged from £500-£1500 dependent on solicitor. We left it in the end as it wouldn't have changed anything for us because of our son and the social services safety plan. If you private message me I'm happy to give advice on looking for a solicitor as we had a terrible duty solicitor, an even worse very expensive private one and then a brilliant private one.
I wouldn't talk to the police at all, it's a big risk as you don't know how they'll interpret what you're saying - for example they could take it as an intention to break the conditions and come down harder on him.
Unfortunately these investigations can take a very long time. We had the knock around a year ago and had sentencing 11 months later, which is one of the quicker cases I've seen on this forum. The bail conditions were in place until the plea hearing one month before sentencing, but in effect still remain because social services and probation want them kept in place under a safety plan. So do be aware that it could be a long road.
Thank you, thats all really helpful. Please could you message me? I'm finding the site tricky to navigate and can't work out how to use the direct messaging. It would be so helpful to have your advice about getting a good solicitor