More family members have found out what’s happened !
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Hello to you all beautiful souls,
2.22 am Sunday 31st, I can't sleep, I'm really glad xmas is over but now more family members have now found out what my 28 y. old son did, (he downloaded explicit images of ch*ldr*n) and made a few more silly mistakes but not as bad as the download. Subsequently, after the knock, he was charged and spent 6 months inside and was left with 6 months probation. He has been working for the past 10 months which has helped him in every sense of the way. He feels like he's on the right path he's got nice work colleagues, they do lots together, they have the same age range so he's enjoying his job as a barman for now.
Few days after Christmas more people in our large family have found out what we tried to hide. Of course few people in our family knew what had happened to my son but they didn't all know the full account of the story, most only knew what we told them and that didn't involved children's photos, we didn't lie blantantly but we kept the worst to just a few of us (the full story, the knock etc). We said to most that he was travelling when he was inside. So the word got out and he's been out for a year now!
In the last couple of days, I have received texts from different family members telling me that we need to find ways to work things out but my son is not able to talk about it because his PTSD symptoms are back. His fears all came crushing on him again! Reopening his wounds of Pain, shame and anger with himself. He wants to bury his faceand cover his ears but the shame is not going away. I have sent texts back saying we want to cut ties at this stage. My son is feeling paranoid and unwell right now, discussing what he has done in that moment of madness is not possible as he's trying to leave it in the past. He's trying to build himself up again, he has just passed his driving test and I see him doing well in the near future. We hid most of it to one side of his family, prison for 6 months and the crazy little other stuffs that I'm not going to get into...We know what they are like, so much drama in their lives, I reckon they are already planning to install some rules. No thank you, we rather move on on our own...
I'm exhausted of it all and I just want to move on with my son as he was doing well but he isn't sleeping much at the moment and it seems the whole world knows. We have already broken ties with some of my own siblings and we feel fine as we didn't see them much anyway, We understand running away is not a solution but we won't attend any gatherings or dinner invitation as we have a large family and there's lots of drama. My son is feeling shameful and judged at this present time. This is how we both feel right now, we want to be left alone and not have to talk about his moment of madness with his family. We are healing ourselves, getting Therapy... They now know the full story so maybe in time we will talk again but it may take some years.
Please give me some advice on dealing with family finding out
Any post from you guys would brighten up my sky ! Thank you
Happy New Year to everyone, hugs and hope xxx
2.22 am Sunday 31st, I can't sleep, I'm really glad xmas is over but now more family members have now found out what my 28 y. old son did, (he downloaded explicit images of ch*ldr*n) and made a few more silly mistakes but not as bad as the download. Subsequently, after the knock, he was charged and spent 6 months inside and was left with 6 months probation. He has been working for the past 10 months which has helped him in every sense of the way. He feels like he's on the right path he's got nice work colleagues, they do lots together, they have the same age range so he's enjoying his job as a barman for now.
Few days after Christmas more people in our large family have found out what we tried to hide. Of course few people in our family knew what had happened to my son but they didn't all know the full account of the story, most only knew what we told them and that didn't involved children's photos, we didn't lie blantantly but we kept the worst to just a few of us (the full story, the knock etc). We said to most that he was travelling when he was inside. So the word got out and he's been out for a year now!
In the last couple of days, I have received texts from different family members telling me that we need to find ways to work things out but my son is not able to talk about it because his PTSD symptoms are back. His fears all came crushing on him again! Reopening his wounds of Pain, shame and anger with himself. He wants to bury his faceand cover his ears but the shame is not going away. I have sent texts back saying we want to cut ties at this stage. My son is feeling paranoid and unwell right now, discussing what he has done in that moment of madness is not possible as he's trying to leave it in the past. He's trying to build himself up again, he has just passed his driving test and I see him doing well in the near future. We hid most of it to one side of his family, prison for 6 months and the crazy little other stuffs that I'm not going to get into...We know what they are like, so much drama in their lives, I reckon they are already planning to install some rules. No thank you, we rather move on on our own...
I'm exhausted of it all and I just want to move on with my son as he was doing well but he isn't sleeping much at the moment and it seems the whole world knows. We have already broken ties with some of my own siblings and we feel fine as we didn't see them much anyway, We understand running away is not a solution but we won't attend any gatherings or dinner invitation as we have a large family and there's lots of drama. My son is feeling shameful and judged at this present time. This is how we both feel right now, we want to be left alone and not have to talk about his moment of madness with his family. We are healing ourselves, getting Therapy... They now know the full story so maybe in time we will talk again but it may take some years.
Please give me some advice on dealing with family finding out
Any post from you guys would brighten up my sky ! Thank you
Happy New Year to everyone, hugs and hope xxx
I'm awake with you, we share a cup of tea together!
I resignate entirely with your post. My sons crime occurred within our family. There's a lot of things left unsaid and he's very much a 'taboo' area. It's a painful situation.
it sounds as though your son has worked SO hard to rebuild - so well done to him. I'd just continue to support him as much as you can and emphasise how proud you are of him.
Regards to the family members. I wouldn't wear yourself out trying to explain it all, it's exhausting and can grind you down )as I found out).... if you are put in a position where you have to tell them - stick to the bare minimum........ and try not to feel bad for doing that....
Not sure if this will help you. Messsge me any time x
I resignate entirely with your post. My sons crime occurred within our family. There's a lot of things left unsaid and he's very much a 'taboo' area. It's a painful situation.
it sounds as though your son has worked SO hard to rebuild - so well done to him. I'd just continue to support him as much as you can and emphasise how proud you are of him.
Regards to the family members. I wouldn't wear yourself out trying to explain it all, it's exhausting and can grind you down )as I found out).... if you are put in a position where you have to tell them - stick to the bare minimum........ and try not to feel bad for doing that....
Not sure if this will help you. Messsge me any time x
Post deleted
Very true Anxious. I feel a deep sadness when I think of how my son has isolated himself and how much he will now miss, people that loved and trusted him - their hearts now full of hate towards him (and believe me their feelings will not soften with time)......
BUT you have to put on your reality head and remember it's all caused by the offending and it's not up to us innocent family members to wear ourselves out trying to put it right.
BUT you have to put on your reality head and remember it's all caused by the offending and it's not up to us innocent family members to wear ourselves out trying to put it right.
SkinnyLatte x
As hard as it is we cannot control who finds out and how they react sadly, but what you have to remember is as we move in to a new year leave the worry and anxiety behind , you can make yourself poorly and it just weighs the heaviness on your shoulders
Look at how far you have come and how well your son is trying to move on with his job, he should be so incredibly proud
Dont rush in to having to message people you dont need to explain why you diddnt say anything, it's a long painful journey as each and everyone of us know, so unless they walk in our shoes they will never understand
Your support towards your son is what matters so please concentrate on the positive road ahead things will settle down and tell your son he does deserve to rebuild and be kind to himself xx
As hard as it is we cannot control who finds out and how they react sadly, but what you have to remember is as we move in to a new year leave the worry and anxiety behind , you can make yourself poorly and it just weighs the heaviness on your shoulders
Look at how far you have come and how well your son is trying to move on with his job, he should be so incredibly proud
Dont rush in to having to message people you dont need to explain why you diddnt say anything, it's a long painful journey as each and everyone of us know, so unless they walk in our shoes they will never understand
Your support towards your son is what matters so please concentrate on the positive road ahead things will settle down and tell your son he does deserve to rebuild and be kind to himself xx
Your son has served his time and deserves to move forward with his life. Please tell him to be kind to himself and to seek support should things feel too overwhelming. This will pass. Neither he nor you owe anyone any explanations; being family doesn't give anyone the right to know everything about someone's life. I hope you all find peace in the year ahead. xx
I really feel for you. My son is the same, trying to move on and get through. He has PTSD and has worked hard with his therapist. I brought his tower computer home from the police station the other day (it was clean) and he couldn't even look at it. The judge told the police they had to wipe the 2 items that had images and give them back, we have given permisson to distroy as my son dosen't want them in the house. to many memories. He feels he has worked hard and is not the person he was a year ago. So I totally understand how your son wants to put it behind him and move on.
Some people love drama and as a Mum it's always us that sits in the middle and has to sort it out. It's so hard when you see your son moving on and then past reminders come up, or your firefighting family. It's almost just as you see a glimer, something else comes up.
Some people love drama and as a Mum it's always us that sits in the middle and has to sort it out. It's so hard when you see your son moving on and then past reminders come up, or your firefighting family. It's almost just as you see a glimer, something else comes up.
A very deserving Happy New Year to all xx
Thank you Darling for sharing a cup of tea with me in the early hours of the morning when I cannot sleep xx
You are all so supportive, thank you a million for your generous and well thoughts messages. I feel stronger just reading your advice and kind thoughts. I know we all have something in common here with either our sons, our husbands, our boyfriends or our brothers... I wouldn't be able to talk about my personal life and my son's struggle on just any Family Forum. Thank you Stop It Now and Happy New Year.
Not sure who I would reach out to if I didn't have this forum to post my messages. I really find your support amazing. I'm going to read them again and again as it makes me feel better. I am feeling anxious and insecure right now but hey silly me it's the new year, let's move forward and let's wish for Good Health, Peace, Love, Healing, and why not money!
Sending Love and Hugs xx
Thank you Darling for sharing a cup of tea with me in the early hours of the morning when I cannot sleep xx
You are all so supportive, thank you a million for your generous and well thoughts messages. I feel stronger just reading your advice and kind thoughts. I know we all have something in common here with either our sons, our husbands, our boyfriends or our brothers... I wouldn't be able to talk about my personal life and my son's struggle on just any Family Forum. Thank you Stop It Now and Happy New Year.
Not sure who I would reach out to if I didn't have this forum to post my messages. I really find your support amazing. I'm going to read them again and again as it makes me feel better. I am feeling anxious and insecure right now but hey silly me it's the new year, let's move forward and let's wish for Good Health, Peace, Love, Healing, and why not money!
Sending Love and Hugs xx