How to let the feelings out
Notifications OFF
Hi all,
Knock came on 5th June for indecent images. I didn't believe it, but within 24 hours my husband informed me that he had downloaded but was curious and found it discusting. He had a porn addiction, daily, sometimes twice a day. On 8th June he stabbed himself and survived. Was sent to a phsychiatric hospital and is now out, back at his moms and has supervised access to his daughter and mine. We have support of all family members, both mine and his and of our children's other parent.
It has taken this long to post as I really don't know what there is to say. I coped so well at the start (still a wreck but only had 2 weeks off work), in complete shock, but saw past it and I suppose bargained that nothing else matters as long as he survived his stabbing.
I feel I put it all in a box and refused to think about how I feel. I have always been a happy, friendly person that saw the good in everyone, not seeing things black and white. I have done this with this situation. I is only now that I am at a complete loss on anything really. I have spent the last 2 months dealing with how others feel, not allowing myself to feel anything and building the biggest brick wall I never thought possible. I am numb to everything. I hate what this situation has turned me into, and I don't know how to find me again. I'm aware it will be a new me, and things will never be the same again. There are no hopes for future at the moment or at least that's what I'm thinking.
I have been to the doctors and they have referred me for counselling, but I was not even able to cry. My daughter is a type 1 diabetic and I work full time. Six weeks school hols have made it hell as I don't even feel like I'm pulling my weight at work and have no structure. I don't want to be numb and switched off to everything and feel that I should be grateful for a lot of things, he survived (that would have been worse) and that family are supporting and that he has access to the children. However, I don't seem to be able to get out this rut.
Sorry for my ramble and if I sound ungrateful but if anyone has any tips on trying to find some form of normality amongst this storm I would be very grateful. I don't feel like any counselling will lift the lid on this as it is not a run of the mill situation.
Thanks in advance ladies & gents.
Knock came on 5th June for indecent images. I didn't believe it, but within 24 hours my husband informed me that he had downloaded but was curious and found it discusting. He had a porn addiction, daily, sometimes twice a day. On 8th June he stabbed himself and survived. Was sent to a phsychiatric hospital and is now out, back at his moms and has supervised access to his daughter and mine. We have support of all family members, both mine and his and of our children's other parent.
It has taken this long to post as I really don't know what there is to say. I coped so well at the start (still a wreck but only had 2 weeks off work), in complete shock, but saw past it and I suppose bargained that nothing else matters as long as he survived his stabbing.
I feel I put it all in a box and refused to think about how I feel. I have always been a happy, friendly person that saw the good in everyone, not seeing things black and white. I have done this with this situation. I is only now that I am at a complete loss on anything really. I have spent the last 2 months dealing with how others feel, not allowing myself to feel anything and building the biggest brick wall I never thought possible. I am numb to everything. I hate what this situation has turned me into, and I don't know how to find me again. I'm aware it will be a new me, and things will never be the same again. There are no hopes for future at the moment or at least that's what I'm thinking.
I have been to the doctors and they have referred me for counselling, but I was not even able to cry. My daughter is a type 1 diabetic and I work full time. Six weeks school hols have made it hell as I don't even feel like I'm pulling my weight at work and have no structure. I don't want to be numb and switched off to everything and feel that I should be grateful for a lot of things, he survived (that would have been worse) and that family are supporting and that he has access to the children. However, I don't seem to be able to get out this rut.
Sorry for my ramble and if I sound ungrateful but if anyone has any tips on trying to find some form of normality amongst this storm I would be very grateful. I don't feel like any counselling will lift the lid on this as it is not a run of the mill situation.
Thanks in advance ladies & gents.
My advice (I am still all over the place myself), is to just take each day as it comes and try not to think too far ahead. My son has made two attempts to take his life so I understand when that happens the situation changes and the focus becomes making sure it doesn't happen again and being relieved/grateful that they survived. It furthers the anguish of this living nightmare. I have found the support from others who have been through it or are going through it has been amazing for me. If you look for the post SUPPORT you will see there is a group chat - details of how to join are in the post.
I have found that to have been the best thing for me. Knowing you are not alone, asking questions or just sharing your feelings, does help tremendously.
It all feels so desperate and isolating, you cant see a way forward. I decided to not look for a way forward because there are too many uncertainties, and one minute I had this plan, then something would change so I would have another plan. It was all just ways of trying to gain some control again. But taking each step and working through each curveball or new piece of information- giving myself permission to cry or feel awful or laugh or just be whatever I feel at any one time is helpful.
When I have been low the support of the ladies in the group has been amazing- and got me through some really dark days.
I have also met with another lady face to face and that was so freeing to talk, share feelings and experiences and see in the flesh, we are all just every day people that have found ourselves in a horrible situation.
Hugs and love - be kind to you. xx
I have found that to have been the best thing for me. Knowing you are not alone, asking questions or just sharing your feelings, does help tremendously.
It all feels so desperate and isolating, you cant see a way forward. I decided to not look for a way forward because there are too many uncertainties, and one minute I had this plan, then something would change so I would have another plan. It was all just ways of trying to gain some control again. But taking each step and working through each curveball or new piece of information- giving myself permission to cry or feel awful or laugh or just be whatever I feel at any one time is helpful.
When I have been low the support of the ladies in the group has been amazing- and got me through some really dark days.
I have also met with another lady face to face and that was so freeing to talk, share feelings and experiences and see in the flesh, we are all just every day people that have found ourselves in a horrible situation.
Hugs and love - be kind to you. xx
I'm still struggling with getting my head around everything that happened that brought me here, but I didn't want to read your post and run. I'm just trying to take each day as it comes and trying to keep as much normality as I can.
Through all of this, just remember to be kind to yourself.
Through all of this, just remember to be kind to yourself.
Dance in the rain
This is just the most horrible, upsetting and hard to understand thing. You're doing so well and there is no script for it. I actually went to work on the day if the knock, looking back I can't believe I did that and I was probably absolutely useless
Just make sure you're looking after yourself and even go and see your GP just to put them in the picture in case you need them at a later date.
I'm currently going through counselling and it's really good for me but this is my 2nd lot and the chances are I might need to see someone in and off for quite sometime.
Don't give yourself a hard time, there's no right or wrong, keep coming on here for support and also ring the helpline, they're amazing
Take care xx
This is just the most horrible, upsetting and hard to understand thing. You're doing so well and there is no script for it. I actually went to work on the day if the knock, looking back I can't believe I did that and I was probably absolutely useless
Just make sure you're looking after yourself and even go and see your GP just to put them in the picture in case you need them at a later date.
I'm currently going through counselling and it's really good for me but this is my 2nd lot and the chances are I might need to see someone in and off for quite sometime.
Don't give yourself a hard time, there's no right or wrong, keep coming on here for support and also ring the helpline, they're amazing
Take care xx
Thank you for your replies ladies,
I probably am guilty of expecting to try and feel some form of normality in a situation where that's not possible. Also having high expectations of myself again when it's not possible.
It is so good that there is this support as everyone else (such as gp) really don't know what to say, the shock on their faces says enough, let alone how we feel.
Carlyan - Thank you for your advice and I am so sorry to hear of your son, and really hope there is some professional supporting him as well as all you are doing. I really feel for you as I cannot imagine what that must feel like with them being your child.
Mjl73 - Thank you for your advice too, everyone's support is so helpful. I have seen elsewhere on the forum that it is a big day for you and so hope it goes as best as it can for you.
Tracey - Thank you for your advice as well, again the support is so much appreciated. I cannot believe you went to work on the day, but having said that I do find it easier being at work than home. - something else I beat myself up about daily!
However, I have been to the doctors today and they have given me some hopefully magic pills. I have also spoken to the referral for talking therapy and they have advised to go private as the waiting list in my area is currently averaging 9 months, so just got to find a good one.
I have joined mums net, so will have a look at the support post and try and fathom it.
Thanks again ladies, you are all wonderful people. Sending you all lots of hugs xxx
I probably am guilty of expecting to try and feel some form of normality in a situation where that's not possible. Also having high expectations of myself again when it's not possible.
It is so good that there is this support as everyone else (such as gp) really don't know what to say, the shock on their faces says enough, let alone how we feel.
Carlyan - Thank you for your advice and I am so sorry to hear of your son, and really hope there is some professional supporting him as well as all you are doing. I really feel for you as I cannot imagine what that must feel like with them being your child.
Mjl73 - Thank you for your advice too, everyone's support is so helpful. I have seen elsewhere on the forum that it is a big day for you and so hope it goes as best as it can for you.
Tracey - Thank you for your advice as well, again the support is so much appreciated. I cannot believe you went to work on the day, but having said that I do find it easier being at work than home. - something else I beat myself up about daily!
However, I have been to the doctors today and they have given me some hopefully magic pills. I have also spoken to the referral for talking therapy and they have advised to go private as the waiting list in my area is currently averaging 9 months, so just got to find a good one.
I have joined mums net, so will have a look at the support post and try and fathom it.
Thanks again ladies, you are all wonderful people. Sending you all lots of hugs xxx
Hi.
Sorry to hear your story and that you are now part of this club.
I went to work the day after the knock (it was an evening knock) and I find work is my therapy. Saying that it is so important to look after ourselves. I go for a swim, sauna and jacuzzi at my local gym every other night after work. It helps hugely.
I've told none of my friends etc. It's really hard. My emotions were all over the place for the first few weeks but have calmed down a little. But no where near how I was pre knock
I hope you get support on MumsNet, otherwise post on here as much as you need. Someone will always get back to you.
Take care of yourself
P x
Sorry to hear your story and that you are now part of this club.
I went to work the day after the knock (it was an evening knock) and I find work is my therapy. Saying that it is so important to look after ourselves. I go for a swim, sauna and jacuzzi at my local gym every other night after work. It helps hugely.
I've told none of my friends etc. It's really hard. My emotions were all over the place for the first few weeks but have calmed down a little. But no where near how I was pre knock
I hope you get support on MumsNet, otherwise post on here as much as you need. Someone will always get back to you.
Take care of yourself
P x