Struggling at the moment
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Hi everyone
It's been a while since I posted . It's been about 3 months almost post knock now . Not really much has happened recently. My husbands devices where seized and he has admitted to having material on his phone . Image offences only .
We separated immediately and have been separated since ( together for 16 years ) loving and great relationship. It's been very hard . We have young children as well so it's been really difficult.
he is allowed supervised contact with the children at the moment and the children don't really know any difference at the moment . They are getting used to seeing their dad with me.
Unfortunately I suffer greatly with anxiety and always have done . My thoughts run away with me . I know it sounds very dramatic but when social work is involved know I get these thoughts that they are going to take my kids away . They haven't gave me any suggestion of this as I am a victim as well in this but it's just my own intrusive thoughts .
We are a long way away from sentencing I would imagine but the media as it is for all of us is a big worry . My husbands solicitor has told him he would try and go for annonimity in court as a way to protect the children . I hadn't seen anyone else on the forum talk about this so Im not sure .
its just really hard at the moment . Every day I want to get over to get a day closer to this nightmare concluding .
It's been a while since I posted . It's been about 3 months almost post knock now . Not really much has happened recently. My husbands devices where seized and he has admitted to having material on his phone . Image offences only .
We separated immediately and have been separated since ( together for 16 years ) loving and great relationship. It's been very hard . We have young children as well so it's been really difficult.
he is allowed supervised contact with the children at the moment and the children don't really know any difference at the moment . They are getting used to seeing their dad with me.
Unfortunately I suffer greatly with anxiety and always have done . My thoughts run away with me . I know it sounds very dramatic but when social work is involved know I get these thoughts that they are going to take my kids away . They haven't gave me any suggestion of this as I am a victim as well in this but it's just my own intrusive thoughts .
We are a long way away from sentencing I would imagine but the media as it is for all of us is a big worry . My husbands solicitor has told him he would try and go for annonimity in court as a way to protect the children . I hadn't seen anyone else on the forum talk about this so Im not sure .
its just really hard at the moment . Every day I want to get over to get a day closer to this nightmare concluding .
Hi Devastated,
I really feel for you as you are fairly early on in this horrible life-changing situation and already know about the shadow of the media and the possibility of your children being removed. I can reassure you about that as they can't just barge in and remove a child unless the child is in imminent danger of harm. I've been there regarding our grandchildren and here we are a year down the road and I now believe in the process, albeit we have a fabulous social worker and some people aren't as fortunate, so please don't let that fear overwhelm you. If children's services have any worries they will first of all try to sort the reasons out with you. Your little ones are safe.
This situation we find ourselves in is a perfect storm for those of us who are especially prone to anxiety (it's terrible for everyone but maybe us over-thinkers have a head start). The only advice I can give is to learn how to live in the moment. I've always liked that as an idea but this journey has made me really get to grips with taking that seriously (not very good at it yet but I think I'm improving)
Do you take any anxiety medication? (My GP has suggested an anti depressant which deals mainly with anxiety and I'm going to accept a prescription at a check-up on Friday.) You absolutely do NOT sound dramatic, you are reacting normally to an abnormal situation (although not as abnormal as people might think when you know the stats). Please don't feel alone, we are all here to support you in everything that happens, whether quickly or long term, whether you stay with your partner or not, whether you are doing OK or struggling. We are here and listening.
Lots of love xx
I really feel for you as you are fairly early on in this horrible life-changing situation and already know about the shadow of the media and the possibility of your children being removed. I can reassure you about that as they can't just barge in and remove a child unless the child is in imminent danger of harm. I've been there regarding our grandchildren and here we are a year down the road and I now believe in the process, albeit we have a fabulous social worker and some people aren't as fortunate, so please don't let that fear overwhelm you. If children's services have any worries they will first of all try to sort the reasons out with you. Your little ones are safe.
This situation we find ourselves in is a perfect storm for those of us who are especially prone to anxiety (it's terrible for everyone but maybe us over-thinkers have a head start). The only advice I can give is to learn how to live in the moment. I've always liked that as an idea but this journey has made me really get to grips with taking that seriously (not very good at it yet but I think I'm improving)
Do you take any anxiety medication? (My GP has suggested an anti depressant which deals mainly with anxiety and I'm going to accept a prescription at a check-up on Friday.) You absolutely do NOT sound dramatic, you are reacting normally to an abnormal situation (although not as abnormal as people might think when you know the stats). Please don't feel alone, we are all here to support you in everything that happens, whether quickly or long term, whether you stay with your partner or not, whether you are doing OK or struggling. We are here and listening.
Lots of love xx
Thank you so for your lovely reply . I really appreciate it .
yes years ago I was on medication for anxiety and it worked well for me . Since having my youngest child I have came off but after contacting my GP way back at the start of this I've been put on a small dose . I may have to Contact again to go a bit stronger .
my husband is attending therapy and he told me his therapist told him to focus on the things you can control and not the things you can't . Some very good advice and I have been trying to think about that when I have been feeling down .
Im still seeing my husband on a regular basis to see the children and sort things for the house etc but we are seperated as a couple and everyone knows that now ( not the reasoning behind why we split)
it's a very lonely place at the moment as it's a secret and I hope to keep it that way.
im glad your coping better with your situation . It's really unfair that families have to suffer for so long . It's not fair on children either. I just pray for the day they can have a normal relationship with their dad like before . It's absolutely devastated for everyone involved .
yes years ago I was on medication for anxiety and it worked well for me . Since having my youngest child I have came off but after contacting my GP way back at the start of this I've been put on a small dose . I may have to Contact again to go a bit stronger .
my husband is attending therapy and he told me his therapist told him to focus on the things you can control and not the things you can't . Some very good advice and I have been trying to think about that when I have been feeling down .
Im still seeing my husband on a regular basis to see the children and sort things for the house etc but we are seperated as a couple and everyone knows that now ( not the reasoning behind why we split)
it's a very lonely place at the moment as it's a secret and I hope to keep it that way.
im glad your coping better with your situation . It's really unfair that families have to suffer for so long . It's not fair on children either. I just pray for the day they can have a normal relationship with their dad like before . It's absolutely devastated for everyone involved .
When you get these thoughts, always bring it back to fact. The fact is SS are in your life but that's it and at a 1 on the scale. Taking them away is a 10 and your missing steps 2-9. It's all to do with your vagus nerve, so regulate it. Square breathing 4 in (nose) hold for 4 breath out (mouth) for 4 repeat x10 to regulate and remind yourself your just at step 1 for the children's protection.
you got this Mama.
you got this Mama.