Unsupervised Contact
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Hit me with your advice and thoughts about moving how to move to unsupervised contact please?
Background - OH is back home with a safety plan place for supervised contact with him living in our annex which is separate from house after the knock in July. He is now RUI with this plan. Devices are in the process of being searched but this is not complete but I know there will be A to C images found from what OH has said. Children are on a CIN plan but this is likely to be closed soon I guess until anything moves forward with the case. SWs are nice enough as don't want to split us up just want to know I fully understand what has happened and the risk / signs of reoffending. Though I am slightly worrying is the SW doesn't know what "RUI" means and plans to ask the police this week herself!
I am guessing we will live in this limbo until something comes back from the police.
What I am thinking is at the moment none of us really know what he has done though he is being clear that they will only find the images he has told them about. However from a risk point of view, it could turn out to be worse if he is lying and SW are working the basis that he is lying to be protective and addicts are known to lie (which is fine).
BUT when he is charged, he is likely to plead guilty to making and then we all know what we are dealing with, so is this the point to start thinking and planning how we might move to unsupervised? if not, why do you have to wait until sentencing etc?
I have a DD who is 16 (his Step Daughter) and we have DS together who is 4.5.
SW have made no mention of the DS having to be 7, no mention of pants work or anything like that..... I almost feel they have never dealt with a case like this before.
I am tempted not to bother much with unsupervised contact with the 16 yo as she never does anything with him alone so I might have well just supervise for another 2 years until she is 18. But our child together that is different as I clearly I need a break and they need one on one time together at some point.
Thanks in advance for your thoughts and help as I like to plan ahead, I know this all takes time but if I have a little plan in my head then I can deal with the sh***y limbo state better.
Background - OH is back home with a safety plan place for supervised contact with him living in our annex which is separate from house after the knock in July. He is now RUI with this plan. Devices are in the process of being searched but this is not complete but I know there will be A to C images found from what OH has said. Children are on a CIN plan but this is likely to be closed soon I guess until anything moves forward with the case. SWs are nice enough as don't want to split us up just want to know I fully understand what has happened and the risk / signs of reoffending. Though I am slightly worrying is the SW doesn't know what "RUI" means and plans to ask the police this week herself!
I am guessing we will live in this limbo until something comes back from the police.
What I am thinking is at the moment none of us really know what he has done though he is being clear that they will only find the images he has told them about. However from a risk point of view, it could turn out to be worse if he is lying and SW are working the basis that he is lying to be protective and addicts are known to lie (which is fine).
BUT when he is charged, he is likely to plead guilty to making and then we all know what we are dealing with, so is this the point to start thinking and planning how we might move to unsupervised? if not, why do you have to wait until sentencing etc?
I have a DD who is 16 (his Step Daughter) and we have DS together who is 4.5.
SW have made no mention of the DS having to be 7, no mention of pants work or anything like that..... I almost feel they have never dealt with a case like this before.
I am tempted not to bother much with unsupervised contact with the 16 yo as she never does anything with him alone so I might have well just supervise for another 2 years until she is 18. But our child together that is different as I clearly I need a break and they need one on one time together at some point.
Thanks in advance for your thoughts and help as I like to plan ahead, I know this all takes time but if I have a little plan in my head then I can deal with the sh***y limbo state better.
Hi there
just thought I would come on and say hi . I'm in a very similar situation but I have seperated from my husband . We have 3 young kids together .
it's so awful , my OH has said that their age images as well in his device . We are fairly early in the process I think . 3 months post knock . We are in Northern Ireland and his solicitor has stated that on average these cases take between 12 and 18 months in his experience :
SW has also been involved here and have asked my older children (both under 10) questions to ensure they were safe and everything was fine.
it really is awful and I don't know how I will get through it if my story ever becomes public knowledge . At the moment no one knows at all apart from his mother who he is living with and my father who was here when the knock happened . That's it .
we are the forgotten victims in this nightmare as well .
xxxx
just thought I would come on and say hi . I'm in a very similar situation but I have seperated from my husband . We have 3 young kids together .
it's so awful , my OH has said that their age images as well in his device . We are fairly early in the process I think . 3 months post knock . We are in Northern Ireland and his solicitor has stated that on average these cases take between 12 and 18 months in his experience :
SW has also been involved here and have asked my older children (both under 10) questions to ensure they were safe and everything was fine.
it really is awful and I don't know how I will get through it if my story ever becomes public knowledge . At the moment no one knows at all apart from his mother who he is living with and my father who was here when the knock happened . That's it .
we are the forgotten victims in this nightmare as well .
xxxx
Hi
It's took us 2 years from knock to get unsupervised for my husband and he now lives back with us too. My children were younger than your youngest and I've had to do pants work with my oldest (youngest only just started learning) explain body parts and what is appropriate touch, a ten week intensive safety program, a in depth safety plan, family support and then agreement from probation and police. It's a lot of work and they normally take all of this into consideration before changing everything. My husband still has to be supervised with personal care too and cannot be in a bed with the children even if I'm there so if I pop out I have to take all this into consideration
It's took us 2 years from knock to get unsupervised for my husband and he now lives back with us too. My children were younger than your youngest and I've had to do pants work with my oldest (youngest only just started learning) explain body parts and what is appropriate touch, a ten week intensive safety program, a in depth safety plan, family support and then agreement from probation and police. It's a lot of work and they normally take all of this into consideration before changing everything. My husband still has to be supervised with personal care too and cannot be in a bed with the children even if I'm there so if I pop out I have to take all this into consideration
Hey
Hope you're ok.
In our case social worker recommended unsupervised contact from the day of the knock to sentencing (12 months).
3/4 weeks after sentencing that recommendation was lifted.
It was because my partner has been assessed by his Criminal Justice Social Worker (Probation Officer) and she said he is not a risk, there was never an intention or plan to physically hurt any child.
We were very lucky. Normally you have to go through assessments and attend a few meetings.
No case is ever the same though. You can of course wait until sentencing, but if you would rather take an action now, you can always speak to your social worker and tell her/him about your intentions and ask what her recommendation in regards to next steps is.
Good luck! X
Hope you're ok.
In our case social worker recommended unsupervised contact from the day of the knock to sentencing (12 months).
3/4 weeks after sentencing that recommendation was lifted.
It was because my partner has been assessed by his Criminal Justice Social Worker (Probation Officer) and she said he is not a risk, there was never an intention or plan to physically hurt any child.
We were very lucky. Normally you have to go through assessments and attend a few meetings.
No case is ever the same though. You can of course wait until sentencing, but if you would rather take an action now, you can always speak to your social worker and tell her/him about your intentions and ask what her recommendation in regards to next steps is.
Good luck! X
Thank you for all your thoughts - I will have a ponder and ask the questions of SS and see what happens over the next few months etc.
It is strange how emotions change over time.... a few months ago I wanted them to stay in our lives to get unsupervised ASAP and keep pushing for it while as now I feel more that it is better to close the case on supervised and just live in that limbo until anything changes on the police side as I am fed up of the CIN meetings and visits which my 15 DD hates. At this rate she'll be 18 before anything is resolved court wise anyway!
It is strange how emotions change over time.... a few months ago I wanted them to stay in our lives to get unsupervised ASAP and keep pushing for it while as now I feel more that it is better to close the case on supervised and just live in that limbo until anything changes on the police side as I am fed up of the CIN meetings and visits which my 15 DD hates. At this rate she'll be 18 before anything is resolved court wise anyway!