Bail checks - a new low for me
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Hi everyone - husband is on bail not to live or sleep at home. It has been nearly 4 weeks since the knock. I’ve had social services around who have deemed no further action as I’m doing everything right for the kids. He has moved out, house is on the market. Managing contact. Have kept visits regular mainly for youngest child’s sake who doesn’t understand what is going on. Tonight we had 2 officers round with a ‘report’ that he is staying here. That would be a miracle as no one apart from a VERY select few knows whats been going on. Obviously just a bail check, I was kind of expecting it in a way but didn’t realise it would be so frightening or intrusive. Long and short of it is that they spoke to me, took details down AGAIN and spoke to the kids to make sure Daddy isn’t living here. I’m a wreck - shaking like a leaf - I have done everything right but feel persecuted in my own home! It’s brought it all back like a ton of bricks. Terrified of the next knock at the door. I’m so angry at my husband for putting this on us but right now upset that just before their bedtime I’ve had to go and explain why policemen are in their room! This can’t be fair :(
Just to clarify that he most definitely not breached bail!
Thanks lee1969 It all seems a bit heavy handed to me - thanks for your lovely words. Be good to know if any one else has experienced similar. X
Hi Cece
I had something similar where someone reported to social services the they have seen my husband unsupervised with the children in town on 3 different occasions. Thiss was at a time that very few people knew especially that he was not allowed unsupervised contact. For weeks I felt very persecuted - like someone is following me around trying to catch us out. I was furious that simone would want to harm us- why would I break the contract I have with as and have my children taken away?
Anyway, no further reports but part if me still feels that I want that person put in place...
Keep your head up. You know you are doing the right thing.
I had something similar where someone reported to social services the they have seen my husband unsupervised with the children in town on 3 different occasions. Thiss was at a time that very few people knew especially that he was not allowed unsupervised contact. For weeks I felt very persecuted - like someone is following me around trying to catch us out. I was furious that simone would want to harm us- why would I break the contract I have with as and have my children taken away?
Anyway, no further reports but part if me still feels that I want that person put in place...
Keep your head up. You know you are doing the right thing.
Thanks Puffin - very few people know (and would know the terms of his bail too) to even make the report valid. It’s infuriating to think that we can be subjected to it especially as we have made sure that bail is adhered to, to the letter. Really wouldn't be so stupid. Could never and wouldn’t want to breach the bail anyway!! Still cross but hoping it’s a one off! Thanks for replying - best of luck xxx
Hi Cece
Ahh am so sorry to read this, it is just so unfair on us, trying our hardest to get on with our lives. As Lee says please don’t feel alone in this, we are all here and there is such good advice from people who know what you are going thro.
my experience was not exactly the same as yours but when my partner was arrested in a town far away from where we live, the police came that evening and I found them to be very scary, they had no compassion at all for me, terrified on my own with my son completely in shock! The next day the police and ss came round and they were just as bad, in fact the police officer who came was awful, I felt like he enjoyed giving me bad news that they had to go to my sons school and talk to him, I really would like to complain about their conduct, again zero compassion, it was very very scary! I felt like I was a complete criminal myself!
we live in Essex so it was Essex police we dealt with, I don’t know if it was Essex.
for you as well
sending you big hugs
Mabel x x
Ahh am so sorry to read this, it is just so unfair on us, trying our hardest to get on with our lives. As Lee says please don’t feel alone in this, we are all here and there is such good advice from people who know what you are going thro.
my experience was not exactly the same as yours but when my partner was arrested in a town far away from where we live, the police came that evening and I found them to be very scary, they had no compassion at all for me, terrified on my own with my son completely in shock! The next day the police and ss came round and they were just as bad, in fact the police officer who came was awful, I felt like he enjoyed giving me bad news that they had to go to my sons school and talk to him, I really would like to complain about their conduct, again zero compassion, it was very very scary! I felt like I was a complete criminal myself!
we live in Essex so it was Essex police we dealt with, I don’t know if it was Essex.
for you as well
sending you big hugs
Mabel x x
Hi Mabel
I am in Essex and for the 2+ hours I was alone with the 3 police who conducted the search of my home after my husband was taken away, 2 were nasty but one played 'good' cop asking me questions etc. I feel scarred for life and panic now everytime there is a knock at the door or see a police car nearby.
What is harder to bear is the total silence. My husband has said nothing about what is going on and walks out of the room if it mentioned. Then there is the silence from the police. I feel as if I am going through life with a blindfold on. The thought of this continuning for up to 2 years is impossible for me. Although directly affected by the situation I believe nobody understands how it is impacting every day of my life. I receive good advice via this forum but everything is an effort trying to live one hour at a time.
I am in Essex and for the 2+ hours I was alone with the 3 police who conducted the search of my home after my husband was taken away, 2 were nasty but one played 'good' cop asking me questions etc. I feel scarred for life and panic now everytime there is a knock at the door or see a police car nearby.
What is harder to bear is the total silence. My husband has said nothing about what is going on and walks out of the room if it mentioned. Then there is the silence from the police. I feel as if I am going through life with a blindfold on. The thought of this continuning for up to 2 years is impossible for me. Although directly affected by the situation I believe nobody understands how it is impacting every day of my life. I receive good advice via this forum but everything is an effort trying to live one hour at a time.
I am so sorry that you guys are going through this. We suffer from this and are innocent victims. I've been so fortunate with the investigating officer. I have his mobile and can call him at any time which I have, once. He got back to me immediately and is incredibly sympathetic to my situation. I can't understand why this isn't how the police are with everybody. Is there a way of making a complaint or have you spoken to the helpline for their advice on this? It's truly awful for this to happen to us. It's not something we have chosen to do and now must live with the fallout of the knock. I'm sending my love and thoughts to you all. Xxxx
Ps Izzy, I got the distinct impression one of the two cops was playing the nasty role. One was really nice, however one just watched me. I did feel like he was watching my reaction. Maybe it's how they work. I have no idea. Love to you x
Hi Izzy
First of all I’m sorry to read about your experience, it is so traumatic.
That is interesting that you are in Essex as well and had a bad experience with the police!
We are 14 months in and have heard nothing from Essex police, they never gave me any contact details.
If you want to connect I am Mabel111 on mumsnet.
sending you big hugs
Mabel xx
First of all I’m sorry to read about your experience, it is so traumatic.
That is interesting that you are in Essex as well and had a bad experience with the police!
We are 14 months in and have heard nothing from Essex police, they never gave me any contact details.
If you want to connect I am Mabel111 on mumsnet.
sending you big hugs
Mabel xx
Hi Mabel
Thanks for your kind words. Internet is playing up these days and I am not on Mumsnet at the moment. Will try and sign up once internet is fixed.
Thanks to everyone for support. This forum is a real life line.
Thanks for your kind words. Internet is playing up these days and I am not on Mumsnet at the moment. Will try and sign up once internet is fixed.
Thanks to everyone for support. This forum is a real life line.
Hi Mabel
I have sent you a message via mumsnet. Hoping I used it correctly and you receive it.
Best wishes
I have sent you a message via mumsnet. Hoping I used it correctly and you receive it.
Best wishes
Sorry this happened to you Ce Ce, it is very tough. Some officers can be absolutely terrifying! I had it a few times during bail and during his license. I was told to be strong, to stand up for myself as I was not on bail, I had done nothing wrong but to co operate. I will tell you the same. It sucks, there will be folk who will go out of the way to annoy you if they find out but stand your ground. Crikey I had Social Work and Police out almost weekly at one point after neighbours phone maliciously saying my husband was at home alone with the kids. Eventually they realised it was just people being idiots and stops bothering me. Then of course the SSPCA were phoned about my neglected pets, they realised the same when they visited. Nice healthy pets just moronic neighbours!