Telling family
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Wondering what others experience is of telling brothers, sister, parents, etc? My husband's dad and stepmum have cut contact - not that they were very close to begin with, but it really hurt him as he was hoping for his dad's support. My best friend refused to speak to me after I told her. His best friend has been fine, as has my brother. But I haven't told my parents yet. It's been 5 months, and I hate lying when they ask after him, but I know how they'll react and it's not going to help anyone right now to go through that. My mum knows about his suicide attempts after the knock, but she thinks he was depressed (his mam died of cancer last September); she doesn't know the real reason and I don't know how to say it without hurting her (a) because I've lied for so long, and (b) because it won't go well. I'm going to need her support in time to come but suspect I'll only get it if I'm not still with him. I also worry she'll prevent my brother seeing us, which is a great help and I can't lose that. Did you guys find parents understanding, how do you cope with breaking this sort of news?
Hi
My family were great, I firstly told my 2 adult sons - not his thankfully! And we all went to see my parents and my son told them, they have been wonderful but I don't tell them everything and I'm not sure how much they understand - they are in their 80's and shouldn't have to be dealing with this at their age but we couldn't keep it from them.
I have had brilliant support from the people that know including my work and my friends have really rallyed round
I hope you get more support as time goes on xx
My family were great, I firstly told my 2 adult sons - not his thankfully! And we all went to see my parents and my son told them, they have been wonderful but I don't tell them everything and I'm not sure how much they understand - they are in their 80's and shouldn't have to be dealing with this at their age but we couldn't keep it from them.
I have had brilliant support from the people that know including my work and my friends have really rallyed round
I hope you get more support as time goes on xx
Hi,
I haven't told anybody except my parents and a colleague at work. Also one trustworthy member of his family. I contacted him to look out for him as I'm now unable too.
I haven't told anybody except my parents and a colleague at work. Also one trustworthy member of his family. I contacted him to look out for him as I'm now unable too.
I told my mum and best friend immediately. Both been great. Told work due to nature of me working with children. Again great and very supportive. Gradually told some others. It was in the press so was forced to tell some. Only regret telling one brother and wife. Although have had lots of support, still hate that people know - i don’t feel like me anymore. I feel like the victim of this crime that i’ll never be free of even though I split from him straight away. Feel like life will never be without this cloud anymore and I still second guess everything and everyone as a result. This changes life as we knew it for everyone I think. Rosa
Thanks everyone. I took the plunge and told mum this morning; my hand was forced really as she'd suggested coming to visit for my birthday next month (she lives 180 miles, so don't see her often anyway).
She was great. I was so worried about how she'd react, i nearly cried with relief with she was so understanding. Said she couldn't ever condone what he'd done but understand it was related to his mental health at the time and that so long as he was getting help for the porn addiction, and i was standing by him, she was behind us. Also was actually supportive of my decision to stay - it wasn't even questioned; in fact, I think she'd have been surprised if i gave up so easily, to quote her, "he's your husband".
and as easy as that, she reminded me i'm not the perpetrator or victim and should get on with my life as i want to (i'm going back to University part time in Oct). And with that, changed the subject and asked what train times were best for her visit? OMG. Sometimes family surprise you, and i cannot love mine enough for that.
She was great. I was so worried about how she'd react, i nearly cried with relief with she was so understanding. Said she couldn't ever condone what he'd done but understand it was related to his mental health at the time and that so long as he was getting help for the porn addiction, and i was standing by him, she was behind us. Also was actually supportive of my decision to stay - it wasn't even questioned; in fact, I think she'd have been surprised if i gave up so easily, to quote her, "he's your husband".
and as easy as that, she reminded me i'm not the perpetrator or victim and should get on with my life as i want to (i'm going back to University part time in Oct). And with that, changed the subject and asked what train times were best for her visit? OMG. Sometimes family surprise you, and i cannot love mine enough for that.
My family have been very supportibe of me they are extremly hurt and upset by what he has done naturally but their supoort for me is amazing. Ive also started telling more people. So all my family now know and my best friend and also my management at my place of work. Although all situatuons are different i have been extremly oberwhelmed by the support i have recieved. I also feel alightly more confident if it gets published now as i have a support network around memeI have found it somewhat theraputic and its given me more confidenve as the court becomes closer. I feel that although i cannot control if it gets published or not i can control limitation by tellingbthe people i care about myself. Although extremly hard and scary as you dont know how people will react its somewhat empowering also. Xxx