Distraught today
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I have had a very bad day today and I'm struggling to cope .
I got a call from the social worker saying she wanted to speak to me today. When she arrived she said she had spoken to the police this morning and because of what is on my husbands phone he isn't allowed anymore contact ( photos video calls also ) with the children until a meeting has happened between police and social services.
it's a blow in 2 ways . One I was holding on to the fact that maybe when this was over we could get back together and now that's never going to happen given what the social worker said was on his phone.
secondly and most importantly my kids can't see there dad who they are very close to and have been seeing most days throughout this . I'm heartbroken for them . It's just horrible.
im in shock I just can't believe it
I got a call from the social worker saying she wanted to speak to me today. When she arrived she said she had spoken to the police this morning and because of what is on my husbands phone he isn't allowed anymore contact ( photos video calls also ) with the children until a meeting has happened between police and social services.
it's a blow in 2 ways . One I was holding on to the fact that maybe when this was over we could get back together and now that's never going to happen given what the social worker said was on his phone.
secondly and most importantly my kids can't see there dad who they are very close to and have been seeing most days throughout this . I'm heartbroken for them . It's just horrible.
im in shock I just can't believe it
I'm sorry to read this and that you're struggling.
I'm not sure how far along your investigation is, but the police won't know exactly what's on his phone for quite some time.
Also, contact with the kids might well be allowed eventually (depending on what your OH is eventually charged with).
Please don't catastrophise, maybe speak to your person to see what they have to say too??
Sending you hugs and support and feel free to message me xx
I'm not sure how far along your investigation is, but the police won't know exactly what's on his phone for quite some time.
Also, contact with the kids might well be allowed eventually (depending on what your OH is eventually charged with).
Please don't catastrophise, maybe speak to your person to see what they have to say too??
Sending you hugs and support and feel free to message me xx
The social worker have said that the police have advised that what's on the phone is all categories and it's horrendous . She actually used worse words but I can't even bring myself to type it to be honest
The police don't normally give any information out , you might find and I say might because what they've said maybe true.... Your social worker has spoken to their manager and they've said all this and want it put In place. Has your person been honest with you or has it been denial until now x
I am so sorry.
Can you try to find out more?
Were the ages of the children similar ages to your children? Is that why the social worker is concerned? Or is it the number of images?
Sometimes social workers deliberately exaggerate.
Please stay strong xx
Can you try to find out more?
Were the ages of the children similar ages to your children? Is that why the social worker is concerned? Or is it the number of images?
Sometimes social workers deliberately exaggerate.
Please stay strong xx
I'm so sorry this has happened to you today. Do you have full disclosure. If you do it might be an idea to contact the OIC to find out exactly what they have told SS. Our SW said the police had told her things. When we checked this out with the OIC he actually said that what she has told us was not correct.
Just reading your post has triggered some awful memories so I real feel for you.
Just reading your post has triggered some awful memories so I real feel for you.
What does full disclosure mean ?
I don't know but the police have been in contact with me a number of times and social work obviously because of the children .
he has been honest from the start said he has had an addiction to pornography for years which started out as a child when he was exposed to it at home .
I never knew exactly what was on the phone but that it was iioc of some degree .
I just can't believe this my kids love their dad so much and so did I before this
I don't know but the police have been in contact with me a number of times and social work obviously because of the children .
he has been honest from the start said he has had an addiction to pornography for years which started out as a child when he was exposed to it at home .
I never knew exactly what was on the phone but that it was iioc of some degree .
I just can't believe this my kids love their dad so much and so did I before this
Full disclosure means your person has agreed that the officer in charge can answer your questions and give you information about the case. He/she would be able to confirm if what your SW is saying is true. The police don't often tell the SS much information and in my persons case actually told SS they did not think he was a risk to his children even though SS would not agree with this. This was all confirmed to my sons OH who had full disclosure at the time.
The social worker said she would be chatting to the police man to confirm what has been put in place.
I spoke to her about asking them to give me notice when they want to speak to me and not just calling out and she said she would speak to him and tell him to call me in advance . She has been very supportive to be honest and reassured me what I'm doing is all I can do.
I don't know about full disclosure maybe they just have to tell me the details because I am the children's mother ? I don't know
I spoke to her about asking them to give me notice when they want to speak to me and not just calling out and she said she would speak to him and tell him to call me in advance . She has been very supportive to be honest and reassured me what I'm doing is all I can do.
I don't know about full disclosure maybe they just have to tell me the details because I am the children's mother ? I don't know
This happened with my son. He didn't see his children for 6 weeks till SS had done a report and he was given supervised access so try not to worry too much. Although I'm not saying the social worker is lying they can (and did) exaggerate what the police had actually said x
Please be strong and speak to your OH to get more details from him or as others have said agreement that his solicitor or the OIC can share full information with you so you have the true facts direct from them not via SS.
My OH will have hundreds of images A to C, inc moving, he knows that but due to his addiction to porn he has 1,000s of images and he truely has no idea on the number of these that are illegal. What I find hard to understand fully is that some of the children were very young, pre teen and moving images too..... so all of this is terrible but it is an addiction I am trying to understand. His images are still being searched so the full picture will come out in time.
However SS are fine with supervised contact because he is also working on his recovery.
Remember SS will have their own personal opionions, there is no consistency between areas etc.... If the police are just confirming what you all already knew that images would be found, why the change in circumstances? what new information is there? what is the increase risk due to the new information? have the police updated his bail to say he can not have contact etc?
My OH will have hundreds of images A to C, inc moving, he knows that but due to his addiction to porn he has 1,000s of images and he truely has no idea on the number of these that are illegal. What I find hard to understand fully is that some of the children were very young, pre teen and moving images too..... so all of this is terrible but it is an addiction I am trying to understand. His images are still being searched so the full picture will come out in time.
However SS are fine with supervised contact because he is also working on his recovery.
Remember SS will have their own personal opionions, there is no consistency between areas etc.... If the police are just confirming what you all already knew that images would be found, why the change in circumstances? what new information is there? what is the increase risk due to the new information? have the police updated his bail to say he can not have contact etc?
Hi Devastated,
I agree with checking your OH's bail conditions. I'm certainly not condoning going against Children's Services for all kinds of reasons, but it's police bail which is non negotiable. SS go on 'possible risk'. If your OH only has contact via phone or video and you supervise that at your end your children are being kept safe so the 'possible risk' is negligible in my opinion and to suddenly remove any contact with their dad would not be in your children's best interests. It will be hard for your OH to not have personal contact with them but your children will be less unsettled/upset and that is what SS should be focussing on. Also sometimes it's the higher levels in the SS team who make these harsh decrees and the SW has to deliver them even if they don't necessarily think they are fair (although of course it could also be a convenient way for the SW to deliver bad news by blaming her boss!) Also, try not to panic if it's suggested that the children are put on a Children In Need or Child Protection plan as we can give all kinds of help and support with that (saying that as one who knows about that panicky feeling. Unless they are in immediate danger children can't be removed from you without a lot of protocol to follow and help to try and mitigate against that in the first place.)
Of course you are in a state about this. It triggers all kinds of worries and 'what ifs' so do keep offloading on here if your thoughts get too intrusive....we can't wave a magic wand but we can stand with you and share the burden.
xx
I agree with checking your OH's bail conditions. I'm certainly not condoning going against Children's Services for all kinds of reasons, but it's police bail which is non negotiable. SS go on 'possible risk'. If your OH only has contact via phone or video and you supervise that at your end your children are being kept safe so the 'possible risk' is negligible in my opinion and to suddenly remove any contact with their dad would not be in your children's best interests. It will be hard for your OH to not have personal contact with them but your children will be less unsettled/upset and that is what SS should be focussing on. Also sometimes it's the higher levels in the SS team who make these harsh decrees and the SW has to deliver them even if they don't necessarily think they are fair (although of course it could also be a convenient way for the SW to deliver bad news by blaming her boss!) Also, try not to panic if it's suggested that the children are put on a Children In Need or Child Protection plan as we can give all kinds of help and support with that (saying that as one who knows about that panicky feeling. Unless they are in immediate danger children can't be removed from you without a lot of protocol to follow and help to try and mitigate against that in the first place.)
Of course you are in a state about this. It triggers all kinds of worries and 'what ifs' so do keep offloading on here if your thoughts get too intrusive....we can't wave a magic wand but we can stand with you and share the burden.
xx