Family and Friends Forum

Do you work with children or vulnerable adults?

I think if you don't, you don't have to disclose to work what happened.

So sorry you've found yourself here.



unless your role requires enhanced DBS or you're working directly with children, you likely don't have to tell you work.



HR Departments have a large duty of confidentiality, so if your employer has a specific HR dept, you might wish to tell them.



In my experience, everyone who I have told has been exceedingly supportive of me (though not always supportive of my husband)



you haven't done anything wrong, so I don't think you necessarily have a duty to disclose on that basis.



there is a good thread on "understanding why" of advice on getting through the early days.



i would also recommend the "work according to the knock" podcast as each of the early episodes takes you through this step by step.



sending you hugs and solidarity xx

Hi Mantis, what a terrible shock you've had this morning. Your mind must be all over the place. In answer to your question, I chose not to tell my work place for at least the first year and then when I did, I just dropped it into a conversation with a senior HR manager. I have enhanced DBS but as I hadn't done anything wrong I didn't see the need to disclose.

I'm really sorry you've found yourself in this place. My advice would be to take your time before deciding anything and to seek professional support from your GP or the LFF helpline if you can. You could well be on a long journey now and need to look after yourself. How is your person doing as they are also going to need a lot of support?

Hi Mantis, sorry to hear that you are here. I like Ocean chose not to tell work as I find work an escape and provides normality and distraction. It also gives me and my partner something else to talk about whilst we are stuck in limbo. I am 6 weeks post knock that took place at 7am and I chose to go to work the day it happened. If you need anything please feel free to message me at anytime. X

OH - other half!

As others say unless you work with children you don't need to tell them but if there are any work counselling services or confidential help lines they offer you may want to use those over the next few months.

I haven't told work but we had a family death about a month before so I blamed a lot of my stress on that and did talk to a few people generally about what my OH was doing to sort his self out etc. related to the death.

It is better 6 months on, while in the limbo between the knock and sentencing to have a safe space at work nothing to do with the knock and no one knowing or judging tbh.

oh and where is the holiday too? If Europe you should be OK....

I was due to go away 1 week after our knock and leave DS2 at home while I went with one of the other children so I had to cancel that holiday and rebook compeltely to go with 2 children.

I'm sorry you find yourself here and I hope you manage to get some rest after such a stressful day. The shock and raw emotion experienced immediately after the knock are incredibly difficult to manage. My GP was a welcome support. Despite informing your work of your persons arrest don't feel pressured to detail further, due to the sensitive nature of the arrrest and the fact that he is innocent until proven otherwise. You can't take back disclosure x

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Hi Mantis,

It's now a day after your partner's arrest and I hope you had some sleep last night.

You don't have to tell anyone you don't want to tell about this as even though you say you work with vulnerable people, I don't think that makes it necessary for you to tell them although sometimes people find it helpful to offload at work, whereas others want to keep things to themselves.

Can I just say cautiously that most of us took what the police told us at face value but came to realise that they don't necessarily tell you the whole truth :( I know that's harsh and I know that there will doubtless be many good and honest police officers, but just to say that especially if you're a trusting kind of person, be careful. The police want convictions and will say or be whatever they need to say or be to help with that. We've learnt the hard way that the expression 'least said, soonest mended' is true. I'm not sure how they can possibly know that your partner hasn't done anything wrong as devices have to be sent away which is where the long wait begins.The error in the bail address is inefficiency - that happened to our son where it was sent to his wife's address and caused him unecessary aggravation and would have been awful if it was something like his charges. Please get your partner to double check that it's now clearly recorded as the correct number, and do it by an email/text so there's proof that he asked just in case it happens again. Unfortunately everyone is afraid to make themselves unpopular by complaining to the police so it can make you feel a bit powerless.

I wish we didn't have to welcome you to this forum but it is a lifeline for so many of us, whether partners or relatives so do keep asking/posting.

Hope you can find some time to relax this weekend without your head being in a turmoil but like others say many times, this is the worst bit of the journey and things do get better (obviously with some hiccups on the way as the case progresses).

Take care of yourself xx